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Santa & The Elves
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
With Christmas two weeks away, Santa finds his workshop table covered in unfinished toys and summons his three elves, who apologize a little too eagerly and keep hinting that he ought to discipline them. When he returns the next morning to find they have done nothing at all, the elves escalate with ever more suggestive ideas involving his red suit, a dropped gumdrop, a candle and a set of jingle bells, while Santa grows increasingly exasperated. He finally snaps and explains that he gave up his wild days centuries ago, Mrs. Claus drops in to make clear that his attention is reserved for her, and Santa fires all three elves.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
We have very few limits. Wink, wink. Wiggle, wiggle.
Right, good old St. Dick... Nick?
You better put jingle bells in our mouths, because we're screamers.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Don Roy King
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This was the final sketch of Ryan Gosling's first Saturday Night Live hosting episode, airing in the late 10-to-1 slot. SNL Archives groups it with "The Shoemaker and the Elves" (May 2015, hosted by Louis C.K.) and "Mrs. Claus and the Christmas Feast" (December 2016, hosted by Casey Affleck) as its Naughty Elves series. NBC reran the sketch on Paul Rudd's December 2021 episode, after an Omicron COVID surge forced a scaled-down show.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
With only a fortnight left till Christmas Santa's elves were hard at work making toys for children all over the world Or were they?
- 00:10
Santa Claus
Oh, ding dong ding with a little dingle dong. Ho, ho, ho! Time to see how the Christmas toys are coming along What on earth this choo-choo has no wheels and this dolly needs her head elves appear ¶¶
- 00:33
Elf
Santa, you beckoned us.
- 00:36
Elf
Is there something we can do for you?
- 00:39
Elf
It sounded urgent, so we came right away, sir.
- 00:43
Santa Claus
These toys are not complete. These toys are not complete, and we are on a tight schedule.
- 00:49
Elf
Oh, no. We are so sorry.
- 00:53
Elf
We let you down big time.
- 00:56
Elf
We totally goofed.
- 00:58
Santa Claus
You certainly did. I'm so disappointed.
- 01:02
Elf
Yeah, so I guess you got to, like, show us who's the boss now, right?
- 01:06
Elf
Right, Santa? Like, show us who's in charge?
- 01:09
Elf
Yeah, otherwise, how will we ever learn?
- 01:12
Elf
Me? I learn through discipline.
- 01:17
Santa Claus
So, whatever do you mean?
- 01:19
Elf
I don't know. Some kind of punishment?
- 01:23
Elf
It could be bodily.
- 01:25
Elf
Like, something with my body.
- 01:29
Elf
We have very few limits. Wink, wink. Wiggle, wiggle.
- 01:34
Santa Claus
I don't even know what you silly elves are talking about. I will be back at first daylight, and I expect this table to be filled with toys. Understand?
- 01:44
Elf
Yes, Anna.
- 01:45
Elf
Yes, sir.
- 01:46
Elf
You got it.
- 01:47
Santa Claus
Okay.
- 01:48
Santa Claus
-♪ Good morning, Elves, how are the toys com... What? You haven't done a thing!
- 02:03
Elf
I know. We're so bad.
- 02:07
Elf
I guess it's time to teach us a lesson.
- 02:12
Santa Claus
What?!
- 02:12
Elf
We deserve it.
- 02:14
Elf
We're not fit to lick your boo.
- 02:17
Elf
But we'll do it. If you force us to.
- 02:23
Santa Claus
Oh, all right. Oh.
- 02:30
Elf
Are you fed up, Sal?
- 02:34
Elf
Well, I get it. If I were you, I would just pull down my little green pants and go to town on me.
- 02:41
Elf
Yeah, maybe then we'd stop making mistakes.
- 02:45
Elf
Speaking of mistakes, I just dropped a gumdrop, whoops.
- 02:51
Elf
Better go get it.
- 02:52
Elf
You You see anything you like, Santa, then you need to take charge of that.
- 03:03
Santa Claus
You elves are skating on thin ice!
- 03:06
Elf
Oh, yeah, Santa's getting hot now.
- 03:09
Elf
Why don't you unzip your big red suit and walk around in just your boots?
- 03:13
Elf
Stomp around and let your hairy belly bounce all over the place.
- 03:17
Elf
Yeah. And then there would be no question who was in charge.
- 03:22
Elf
Right, good old St. Dick Nick? Sorry.
- 03:27
Santa Claus
Can you please just make some toys?
- 03:32
Elf
Ooh, look what I found, Santa. A candle. Is this to drop wax on our privates with?
- 03:41
Elf
You better put jingle bells in our mouths.
- 03:44
Elf
Because we're screamers.
- 03:46
Elf
And when you're done, you can snow all over us.
- 03:51
Santa Claus
Okay, enough! Guys, guys, enough! Come on, now! Give me a break! 3,000 years ago, sure, I would have totally torn into all of you. But look, I am not that guy anymore. And after you wake up in a bunch of weird beds with people that you don't even remember meeting, you start to want something more. And that is when I really became Santa.
- 04:15
Elf
Does this mean you're not gonna do anything?
- 04:17
Mrs. Claus
Oh, he'll do something. But only with me, right, big guy?
- 04:22
Santa Claus
You heard her. She's the real boss around here.
- 04:25
Elf
that's very sweet
- 04:27
Elf
yeah thanks for sharing that with us
- 04:29
Elf
I think I needed to hear that
- 04:32
Santa Claus
all right you guys finish your toys and then pack up your elf junk you're all fired take care
- 04:37
Elf
oh man come on
- 04:39
Elf
thanks
- 04:42
Thanks for watching and remember to subscribe now it's laser time
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