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Ruby Romaine Gets Lost at the Monsterplex

Tracey Takes On...1997 Season 2 Episode 10

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Ruby Romaine ducks into a giant multiplex to escape the heat and finds the whole place out to get her.

Watch on YouTube

Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Looking for air conditioning more than a film, veteran make-up artist Ruby Romaine buys a senior ticket to the horror picture Satan's Playground and is promptly asked to prove her age. A headset-wearing attendant sends her through a maze of stairs, escalators and people movers to a distant auditorium, and the snack counter offers everything but the chocolate bar and soda she actually wants. Settling into the nearly empty theater, she lights a cigarette and doctors her drink, only to be caught by an usher who throws her out without a refund. Outside, she mourns the grand old picture palaces just as a market researcher asks how she enjoyed her visit.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 6

Highly quotable.

If you don't believe me, I'll chop my arm off so you can count the rings.

About as much as I enjoyed my hysterectomy, Buster.

ScriptEnglish · 33 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:11
Ticket Seller ?
Hello, and welcome to Monsterplex. What movie would you like to see?
00:16
Ruby Romaine ?
Oh, anything will do. I'm just looking for a little air conditioning. It's hot as hell out here.
00:21
Ticket Seller ?
Satan's Playground starts in a few minutes.
00:23
Ruby Romaine ?
Yeah, that'll do. And give me one senior discount.
00:27
Ticket Seller ?
Do you have ID?
00:28
Ruby Romaine ?
What? Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. If you don't believe me, I'll chop my arm off so you can count the rings.
00:40
Ticket Seller ?
Enjoy the movie.
00:41
Ruby Romaine ?
What?
00:42
Ticket Seller ?
Enjoy the movie.
00:45
That way. That way.
00:54
Ticket Taker ?
Hello, and welcome to Machu Plex. You are in Theater 33. Go up the stairs, go east to the north escalator, take the people mover to the lower concourse. The concession stand there is closed, but for your convenience, you'll find one in the upper rotunda.
01:09
Ruby Romaine ?
My convenience? Tell me, Buster, why do I take a tram to the toilet? I want to be quicker to go to Long Beach, huh? Jesus.
01:17
Ticket Taker ?
Enjoy the movie.
01:18
Concession Worker ?
May I help you.
01:51
Ruby Romaine ?
How about a map? It's okay. You got a Hershey bar?
01:55
Concession Worker ?
No, we have Disney Crunch bars, Sour Patch Kids, a large selection of gourmet pastries, popcorn, dried fruit.
02:03
Ruby Romaine ?
Oh, give me a 7-up.
02:04
Concession Worker ?
No 7-up. We have all-natural kiwi tangerine soda, iced mochaccino, anything wet. Small, medium-large, mega-large, or bladder kill.
02:15
Ruby Romaine ?
What? Small. Yeah, don't fill it up all the way. I got to put some medication in there.
02:25
Concession Worker ?
Oh. Sorry. Enjoy the movie.
02:28
Ruby Romaine ?
Yeah, I will.
02:29
There Oh! Oh, no, please! Someone help me!
02:52
Ruby Romaine ?
Yikes!
03:07
Usher ?
There is no smoking in the theater! No smoking!
03:15
Ruby Romaine ?
I was just Telling that fellow the same thing when he ran out of here.
03:18
Usher ?
Ma'am, Monsterplex is a family chain of neighborhood movie theaters. We do not allow cigarettes or liquor into any of our auditoriums. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
03:28
Ruby Romaine ?
You're showing the devil with a bunch of buck-naked teachers on a merry-go-round, and I can't have a little cocktail out of smoke? Smoke, somebody tell me I'm asleep, but I'm just dreaming I'm on the planet of the assholes. Just give me my money and I'll tootle on out of here.
03:45
Usher ?
I'm sorry, ma'am. Your money has already been entered into our computers, but we can issue you a coupon good for readmission.
03:51
Ruby Romaine ?
Readmission? I'd rather be readmitted to sing-sing. Point me out of here, amigo.
03:59
Quiet.
04:00
Ruby Romaine ?
Oh, shut up. They'll move you anyway. whatever happened to movie theaters with red velvet curtains chandeliers balconies real butter on the popcorn with real movie stars on the screen
04:18
Pollster ?
excuse me ma'am um i'm with movie hole um how did you enjoy your movie going experience
04:24
Ruby Romaine ?
about as much as i enjoyed my hysterectomy buster