Timmy's Scandal

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01
   

   Virginia Bugge ?

   I see the rumour machine is starting up again. Someone in the Cabinet's been very naughty.

2. 00:07
   

   Timmy Bugge ?

   Oh, really?

3. 00:09
   

   Virginia Bugge ?

   This involves sausages, of all things.

4. 00:13
   

   Timmy Bugge

   Sausages?

5. 00:14
   

   Virginia Bugge ?

   Yes.

6. 00:15
   

   Timmy Bugge ?

   How many?

7. 00:21
   

   Virginia Bugge

   Timmy, There are reporters all over the garden.

8. 00:24

   Reporter ?

   Does Mr Barg have anything to say about...

9. 00:26

   It's you!

10. 00:26

    Reporter ?

    Does he have anything to say about these rumours circulating about?

11. 00:28
    

    Virginia Bugge

    No, he doesn't. Now, get away from here. There's nothing here for you.

12. 00:32
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    What rumour's tilling?

13. 00:34
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Oh, um, it's nothing, Virginia, really. Really, it's just a storm in a teacup.

14. 00:39
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Timmy, you don't get reporters camping outside your house for storms in teacups. Now, tell me what happened.

15. 00:44
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Well, we had a school reunion at the club. The old Winstonians got together with some of the members of Parliament and things just got a little bit rowdy, that's all.

16. 00:55
    

    Virginia Bugge

    That's not all, is it, Timmy? Somehow sausages were involved. What part did the sausages play?

17. 01:01
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Virginia, really, it was...

18. 01:02
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Timmy, if you don't tell me what's going on, Whatever trouble you're in will seem like a sweet summer breeze compared to the hellish nightmare that I will put you through.

19. 01:12
    

    Timmy Bugge

    I will. Well, if you put it like that, darling. We have this ritual, you see, for the new boys.

20. 01:20
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    Yes.

21. 01:21
    

    Timmy Bugge

    All the senior boys line up.

22. 01:23
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    Yes.

23. 01:24
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Each one holding a sausage. And then on the command, sausage is up, they all raise their sausages in the air.

24. 01:32
    

    Virginia Bugge

    I see. And then what?

25. 01:34
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Ah, well, then they shout, rah, rah, rah, Winston College is best by far. Bring out the Porky Boy.

26. 01:42
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Bring out the Porky Boy?

27. 01:44
    

    Timmy Bugge ?

    Yes.

28. 01:45
    

    Virginia Bugge

    And who is the Porky Boy?

29. 01:47
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Um, well, he's just, you know, the new boy in the dormitory, or, in this case, the Cabinet, or whatever.

30. 01:56
    

    Virginia Bugge

    You're the new boy in the Cabinet?

31. 01:58
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Uh, yes, that's right, I am, yes.

32. 02:01
    

    Virginia Bugge

    So you were the Porky Boy?

33. 02:02
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Yes, I was.

34. 02:04
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Right. And what does the Porky Boy have to do?

35. 02:09
    

    Timmy Bugge

    It's not important, Virginia. In fact, I ought to be getting off to work, you know.

36. 02:12
    

    Virginia Bugge

    It's Sunday, Timmy.

37. 02:13
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Right, well, perhaps I'd better exercise the dogs.

38. 02:15
    

    Virginia Bugge

    They'll get plenty of exercise when I let them loose on the reporters later. There's no way out, Timmy!

39. 02:22
    

    Timmy Bugge ?

    Oh. Well, then... Well,

40. 02:26
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    Get off! Get off! Get off! Get away!

41. 02:29
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Well, then the Porky Boy has to stand up and they all shout, out bags off bags off and you have to take your clothes off

42. 02:38
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    oh my god

43. 02:41
    

    Timmy Bugge

    not all of them i mean you can keep your socks and underpants on

44. 02:45
    

    Virginia Bugge

    oh well oh well that's all right then isn't it

45. 02:47
    

    Timmy Bugge

    and then you have to take out your sausage

46. 02:50
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    you're jeremy pinkstaff around in front of everybody

47. 02:55
    

    Timmy Bugge ?

    it's tradition then you have to run down the line singing the winston college punting song and they hit you with their frankfurters not on the head obviously because that would be dangerous In fact, one year, the Porky boy got a concussion, which was worrying because he was due to present the budget the next day.

48. 03:13
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Is Is that it?

49. 03:18
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Um, more or less, yes. Except for the bobbing competition, where you have to...

50. 03:23
    

    Virginia Bugge

    I don't think I want to hear about the bobbing competition, Timmy. What I want to know is, how did the press find out about this?

51. 03:30
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Well, one of the chaps took some Polaroids and he must have dropped one somewhere.

52. 03:34
    

    Virginia Bugge

    And, of course, it had to be of you.

53. 03:36
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Well, I wasn't facing the camera, but apparently you can read my name in the underpants tag.

54. 03:45
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Well. Well, you know what has to be done, don't you?

55. 03:51
    

    Timmy Bugge

    I will hand in my resignation tomorrow.

56. 03:53
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Oh, you're going to have to do a lot more than that, my lad. you're You're going to have to fall on your sword, Timmy.

57. 04:02
    

    Virginia Bugge

    I The thought garage would be the best place. Nice and quiet, out of the way.

58. 04:17
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Yes, yes, I... I suppose so.

59. 04:20
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Now, I'm not sure how you want to do this, so I've gathered together various options. There are a couple of bottles of aspirin, some razor blades and a 12-bore, although I wouldn't use that if I were you, because it might frighten the horses. And a hosepipe. Now, the chap in the hardware shop assures me that it fits most exhausts. But don't use my car, because it only takes unleaded petrol, and you'll be there for hours and hours, and all you'll get is a headache. And I thought these steps would be jolly simple to kick away if you choose the noose. Oh, come on, Timmy. It's not the end of the world.

60. 04:57
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Oh, well, perhaps it is, actually.

61. 05:02
    

    Timmy Bugge

    I don't think I can go through with this, Virginia.

62. 05:04
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Now, look, we've both agreed that this is the best thing. The children have been told that you're going on a long journey, so they're not expecting you back. Oh, look at you. Scruffy thing. Bye, darling.

63. 05:38
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Timmy?

64. 05:39
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Ah, I'm afraid I'm still here, Virginia.

65. 05:42
    

    Virginia Bugge

    I'm glad I caught you before you went. it's off.

66. 05:44
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Off? What do you mean it's off?

67. 05:46
    

    Virginia Bugge

    You don't have to go through with this. A much bigger scandal has just broken.

68. 05:51
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Oh, my God! Oh my God, what a relief.

69. 05:56
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Yes, the children are quite pleased.

70. 05:58
    

    Timmy Bugge

    Oh, Ginger, darling, I can't tell you.

71. 06:00
    

    Virginia Bugge

    All right, Timmy, don't overdo it.

72. 06:03
    

    Timmy Bugge ?

    This is such wonderful news. What happened?

73. 06:07
    

    Virginia Bugge

    Hugh Latimer in the Foreign Office used to teach pornography to his parrot. He threw parties and guests had to do whatever beastliness The bird called out. Well, the press have gotten hold of this bird, and it's walking away merrily. They're having a field day. Sausage rituals are very ten minutes ago.

74. 06:26
    

    Timmy Bugge ?

    Oh, then, wonderful news.

75. 06:29
    

    Virginia Bugge ?

    What?

76. 06:30
    

    Timmy Bugge

    I say, this parrot, did it mention any names?