Courtroom Stripper

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01
   

   Prosecutor

   Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I call now a witness to the murder that took place at the Dancy Clam Strip Club on August the 14th. Ms. Sugar Ponyberry, will you please take the stand? Ms. Ponyberry, you are a stripper at the Dancy Clam, are you not?

2. 00:31
   

   Sugar Ponyberry

   I'm an exotic dancer.

3. 00:32
   

   Prosecutor

   And you witnessed the accused shoot Mr. Whitehall?

4. 00:35
   

   Defense Attorney

   Objection, Your Honor. Leading the witness?

5. 00:37
   

   Judge

   Sustained.

6. 00:39
   

   Prosecutor

   Ms. Ponyberry, you were at the club the night of the shooting, correct?

7. 00:42
   

   Sugar Ponyberry

   Yes, I was.

8. 00:44
   

   Prosecutor

   And what were you doing?

9. 00:46
   

   Sugar Ponyberry

   I was dancing on stage, just a couple feet away from him.

10. 00:50
    

    Prosecutor

    And what did you see?

11. 00:52
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    That man walked up and shot Mr. Whitehall, and he fell into me.

12. 00:59
    

    Prosecutor

    No further questions, Your Honor.

13. 01:06
    

    Defense Attorney

    Miss Ponyberry, if you were dancing when the shooting occurred, you couldn't have possibly gotten a good look at who the shooter was.

14. 01:14
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    No, but I did, because I turned and looked.

15. 01:16
    

    Defense Attorney

    Could you show us the position?

16. 01:18
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    The what?

17. 01:19
    

    Defense Attorney

    Could you step up and show the jury the position you were in when the shooting occurred?

18. 01:37
    

    Prosecutor

    Objection!

19. 01:39
    

    Judge ?

    Really?

20. 01:44
    

    Prosecutor

    I I mean, objection, because she'd still be able to easily see the murderer because she didn't have all those clothes blocking her view. I call bulls**t.

21. 01:56
    

    Judge ?

    Let's see it.

22. 01:57
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    Really? Are you serious, Your Honor?

23. 02:02
    

    Judge

    Um, yeah, off with it.

24. 02:06
    

    Defense Attorney ?

    so how'd that position go again?

25. 02:24
    

    Prosecutor ?

    Yeah how did that go?

26. 02:25
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    Well it was kind of like this. So hard to do without a pole.

27. 02:31
    

    Judge ?

    Can we get a pole in here? Can we get a pole?

28. 02:33
    

    Bailiff

    Your honor we don't have a pole.

29. 02:36
    

    Judge

    Use the American flag.

30. 02:38

    And

31. 02:51
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    Well, I was kind of like this. And I turn around. and he fell right into me.

32. 03:03
    

    Defense Attorney ?

    Um may I? When the man fell into you was it sort of like Like...

33. 03:13

    Oh!

34. 03:16
    

    Sugar Ponyberry ?

    No, No, not really. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

35. 03:22
    

    Prosecutor

    So, uh, this guy, when he fell into you, he was more like a...

36. 03:27

    Oh! Whoa! whoa, whoa, whoa.

37. 03:33
    

    Prosecutor

    Like a roll, like that?

38. 03:36
    

    Sugar Ponyberry

    Yeah, kind of, I guess.

39. 03:38
    

    Judge

    Um... Um... Um, would the, uh, prosecution and the, uh, defense please approach the bench? Um... See if, uh, see See if you can get her to, you know, see if if you can get her to the light. like, kiss a girl.

40. 04:14
    

    Prosecutor ?

    We don't have any other girls, sir.

41. 04:21
    

    Judge

    Oh, oh, what about, like, uh, one of the charmers?

42. 04:28
    

    Defense Attorney ?

    We We probably shouldn't do that. sir. We shouldn't do that.

43. 04:33

    Uh-huh. Oh. Oh, my God.

44. 04:48
    

    Judge ?

    Let's see if she'll, like, be like, Hey, um, would you, like, uh...

45. 05:03
    

    Judge ?

    Um, we're We're doing something! doesn't Doesn't anybody knock?