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Whirlpool
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Gordon and Candace are stuck in a rowboat spinning in a whirlpool, trading blame over the lily pad that Candace leaned out to touch. Their quarrel turns into a mock counselling session about who is ignoring whose feelings, and Candace admits she is having second thoughts about the baby due any minute because the world is all wet and moving. Gordon announces he will club her to death with the oar, but her water breaks and a fully grown baby in a green T-shirt appears. Gordon gives the confused newborn a grim pep talk about life being a whirlpool, which ends in a burst of shouting and violence, after which father and son trade declarations of love.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Not as sorry as I am that I have such a stupid wife.
Everything is all wet and moving!
Life is kind of like a whirlpool. It's going to pull you in one direction, then it's going to pull you in another.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Zach Cregger
Director
Trevor Moore
Director
Sam Brown
Writer
Zach Cregger
Writer
Darren Trumeter
Writer
Timmy Williams
Writer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Performed live on stage for the second-season live episode of the series, which aired on IFC on April 13, 2008.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Gordon
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop saying whoa.
- 00:06
Candace
Well, what am I supposed to say?
- 00:09
Gordon
Well, you could start by saying I'm sorry.
- 00:12
Candace
Are you blaming me for this?
- 00:14
Gordon
Well, it is your fault. We're stuck in this stupid whirlpool.
- 00:19
Candace
Okay, I'm sorry. Does that make it better?
- 00:21
Gordon
Not as sorry as I am that I have such a stupid wife.
- 00:25
Candace
Well, I wanted to see the lily pad.
- 00:27
Gordon
Candace, when I pointed out that there was a lily pad, Then I immediately follow that sentence up with but don't paddle over towards it cuz there's also a whirlpool
- 00:36
Candace
Well, I've never seen a lily pad before
- 00:38
Gordon
and then didn't I say but don't lean over and try to touch the lily pad because you'll Probably tip the boat over.
- 00:44
Candace
Well, I wanted to get a closer look
- 00:46
Gordon
Well, I hope you're happy because now we're stuck in this stupid whirlpool
- 00:49
Candace
forever Well, I'm not happy because you're always yelling at me and making me feel bad. Oh
- 00:55
Gordon
Whoa, oh, poor Candace. Everybody gather around, let's start the show. Okay, Candace, what's wrong? Let's hear about how horrible of a husband I am and how bad you have it.
- 01:09
Candace
Well, you're always yelling at me and telling me what to do all the time.
- 01:13
Gordon
Well, maybe I wouldn't yell at you and tell you what to do all the time if you weren't constantly going around doing stupid stuff all the time.
- 01:19
Candace
Well, maybe I wouldn't go around doing stupid stuff all the time if you'd pay attention to me.
- 01:25
Gordon
Oh, there we are. The root of the matter. Okay, we're not paying enough attention to Candace. Okay, Candace, what's wrong?
- 01:34
Candace
Well, lately I've been having some second thoughts about the baby.
- 01:38
Gordon
The baby? Having a baby was your idea in the first place, and now that it's due any minute, you're getting cold feet?
- 01:44
Candace
Yes, I am! The world we're bringing it into has changed so much, and it makes me feel scared.
- 01:50
Gordon
What are you talking about?
- 01:51
Candace
Everything is all wet and moving!
- 01:58
Gordon
Candace, are you talking about the whirlpool?
- 02:00
Candace
Of course I'm talking about the whirlpool. This has become a major factor in our lives.
- 02:05
Gordon
Okay, let me get this straight. The reason you didn't listen to me back at the lily pad was because I don't listen to your feelings, and your feelings were that you're afraid of the whirlpool that we're in right now.
- 02:19
Candace
Yes!
- 02:20
Gordon
That's it, Candace. Next time you come by here, I'm going to club you to death with this ore.
- 02:24
Candace
No, Gordon!
- 02:25
Gordon
No, I've thought about it long and hard, and it's for the best. Candace, come over here. It's ore time.
- 02:29
Candace
No, Gordon, wait. Wait. I think my water just broke.
- 02:32
Gordon
How can you tell?
- 02:33
Candace
Because there's the baby.
- 02:36
He Hey. Hi. Hey, buddy. Hi, little guy.
- 02:43
Candace
Gordon, he looks confused. Talk to him.
- 02:48
Gordon
Hey there, kiddo. Look, I know you're probably really confused right now. But I just wanted to let you know that life is kind of like a whirlpool. It's going to pull you in one direction, then it's going to pull you in another. And sometimes you're going to feel like you're going to go under. but just know that everybody faces their own whirlpools in life. To some, that whirlpool may be alcohol. To others, it could be gambling addiction. But rest assured that when you face your own private whirlpool, you'll be fine, because you were born in the middle of a...
- 03:18
Die, bitch, die! Die! Sink to the bottom! Ha-ha! Die nameless!
- 03:26
Gordon
Son, I have avenged us. I love you, boy.
- 03:30
Baby
I love you too, Dad!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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