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European History: 1769

The Whitest Kids U'Know2007Season 1Episode 4
The Whitest Kids U'KnowWKUK
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

The European History pageant jumps to 1769 Africa, where two pushy locals talk a pair of polite European visitors into shipping them off to America.

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Community rating

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The premise

Here’s the bit.

Staged as the second chapter of a school-style European History pageant, with cardboard palm trees, a giraffe and a lion on the backdrop, the sketch opens on two Africans grumbling that their homeland is dull and overrun with lions. When two bewigged Europeans drop by bearing a cake, the Africans spot their boats and demand passage to America, brushing aside every objection: the ships are too small, the Europeans had planned a family holiday, and an offer of low-paid farm work is waved away in favour of moving into the Europeans' own houses. One visitor bristles at the demands, but his companion insists that complaining is not the European way and leads everyone off to make history, recasting the slave trade as the Africans' own bright idea.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Africa sucks, it's so boring.

We don't want money. We just want to live in your houses.

Now, now, Zach, that's not the European way.

ScriptEnglish · 26 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    European history, 1769.

  2. 00:09

    Native African

    Africa sucks, it's so boring.

  3. 00:13

    Native African

    There are way too many lions.

  4. 00:15

    Native African

    I hate living in a country where there's too many lions.

  5. 00:18

    Native African

    Yeah, we have to find some way to leave.

  6. 00:21

    Native African ?

    Yeah.

  7. 00:23

    Colonizer

    Hello Africans. Just popped in for a visit?

  8. 00:26

    Colonizer

    We've brought you a cake.

  9. 00:27

    Native African

    Take our boats.

  10. 00:29

    Native African

    Take us on your boats back to America.

  11. 00:31

    Colonizer

    Well we'd love to take you Africans with us to America, but I'm afraid we don't have large enough boats to accommodate all of you.

  12. 00:37

    Native African

    Well, go back to Europe and build bigger boats and take us all.

  13. 00:41

    Native African

    Hurry!

  14. 00:42

    Colonizer

    Well, I suppose it would take a much, much larger boat.

  15. 00:45

    Native African

    Well, get to it, little fella.

  16. 00:47

    Native African

    Doesn't have to be that much bigger. We can all cram.

  17. 00:50

    Colonizer

    But I was supposed to take this month to go on holiday with my family.

  18. 00:53

    Native African

    No deal!

  19. 00:55

    Native African

    Yeah, and when we get to America, we want jobs.

  20. 00:58

    Colonizer

    Well, I suppose we could get you some cultivation work for a meager salary.

  21. 01:02

    Native African

    We don't want money. We just want to live in your houses.

  22. 01:05

    Native African

    You know, like Crash.

  23. 01:07

    Colonizer

    But my house is for me and my family.

  24. 01:10

    Native African

    Well, build us another house on your property.

  25. 01:12

    Colonizer

    You pushy Africans are asking quite a lot.

  26. 01:15

    Colonizer

    Now, now, Zach, that's not the European way. Now, come on, Africans, let's make some history together.

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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