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The Beard

The Kids in the Hall 1994 Season 5 Episode 1

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Donald keeps his vacation beard, then lets it take over his marriage and his office.

Watch on YouTube

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

A holiday souvenir becomes a fixation when Donald refuses to shave his beard. His wife and coworkers try to carry on as he grows increasingly disheveled, abandons ordinary clothes and loses control at work. After his collapse, the scene returns to the beach, where another vacationer considers growing a beard.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

The beard stays.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

Norm Hiscock
Writer

ScriptEnglish · 38 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:02
Donald
Aha, Uh-huh, fish. You met your match today, fish. Man one, fish zero. Sucker! Thanks a lot, partner.
00:12
Wife
Oh, Donnie, you're just so full of beans today.
00:17
Donald
I feel great. You know, I think I might grow a beard.
00:22
Wife
No.
00:23
Donald
Oh, why not? I'm in the heart of my vacation. It just might look good.
00:27
Wife
So bean-filled.
00:36
Donald
Time for work. Time for work. Better shave it off.
00:44
Donald
No, the beard stays. You go.
01:08
Donald
The Beard's Day. right The
01:13
Nina
now a company's logo is their calling card to the world. And don't we all know how the world can suck some days? What we're trying to do here is...
01:26
Donald
Man, I feel great. Sorry to interrupt, Nina, but... Yuba, booba, booba. I know it took me 10 a.m., but I think I'm gonna get me a couple of steaks and some brewskis. Yuba, booba, booba.
01:41
I guess he still thinks he's on vacation. You should shave that beard off. He looks like a kid.
01:51
Nina
And did you hear about that big fish he caught? Really.
02:01
Donald
Fuck. No. No.
02:16
Wife
Don? Come
02:21
Donald
What? Nothing? I was doing nothing? I was doing nothing? I was doing nothing? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Shh, shh, it's okay. Come on, baby, come on, baby, shh. shh, shh. It's okay, it's okay, shh.
02:59
Donald
You can drive to Fort Lauderdale 37 hours.
03:02
Really?
03:03
Donald
Yeah, you just got to stoke up on the burrito.
03:06
Nina
Uh, Donald, um, I found your glasses in the boardroom.
03:11
Donald
I don't need them anymore.
03:14
Nina
What?
03:14
Donald
Don't you get it? My eyesight's getting better. I'm getting better.
03:19
What's
03:26
Nina
Donnie, what's wrong? wrong?
03:43
Donald
We're fine.
03:45
Wife
We. Well, I'm certainly not a skank.
03:51
I
04:03
Donald
I don't know what's my strength, but this chair keeps breaking.
04:09
Nina
What's wrong with your voice, Donald?
04:12
Donald
Nothing. My beard's a little too tight, that's all.
04:20
Careful.
04:23
Donald
can't breathe can't breathe I
04:30
Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me! It's a chain! It's a chain! Get it off me! Get it off me!
04:41
Doctor
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
04:55
Doctor
came as soon as I what hurt what's you're about to see may terrify you my
05:09
That man.
05:17
Vacationer
It was a fight of my life huh you bugger but I got you didn't I I think You know, I I might grow a beard