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Went with the Wind!

The Carol Burnett Show 1976 Season 10 Episode 8

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Carol Burnett's Starlett O'Hara schemes her way through a pocket-sized Gone with the Wind, right down to a gown made from the parlor drapes.

Watch on YouTube

Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

In a two-part mini-version of Gone with the Wind, Starlett O'Hara's party at Terra sours when her beloved Brashly Wilkes arrives newly married to his sweet cousin Melody, and her tantrum lands her in the arms of the roguish Captain Ratt Butler just as war breaks out. Left at home with Melody and the maid Sissy, Starlett copes with a sudden birth while a Yankee soldier's borrowed match sets Atlanta ablaze. After the war the same soldier comes to collect back taxes and Brashly returns broke, so Starlett tears down the drapes to dress up for the newly rich Ratt, sweeping down the staircase in a gown with the curtain rod still across her shoulders. A hasty wedding, Melody's dying revenge and Ratt's exit follow, until Sissy turns the movie's most famous line back on Starlett.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 6

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

And when this war is over, I'll never, never, never, never go hungry again.

Well, that's pretty, but it doesn't answer my question.

I saw it in the window, and I just couldn't resist it.

Why, you're the scum of the ocean and the chicken of the sea.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

Rick Hawkins
Writer
Liz Sage
Writer
Dave Powers
Director
Bob Mackie
Other
Costume designer

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Bob Mackie designed the curtain-rod gown, which is now in the collection of the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. TV Guide ranked the staircase reveal #2 on its 1999 list of the 50 funniest TV moments.

ScriptEnglish · 213 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:00
Carol Burnett with Harvey Korman, Vicki Lawrence, Tim Conway, and her guest, Dinah Shore.
00:07
Let's Why don't we turn off the lights and see if y'all want to say anything before we get started. Yes?
00:40
Um, I have your book, and I want to know if you autographed it.
00:43
You have my book? What book? Oh, the picture book! You're the one who bought it! How nice! That's very sweet! Would you send it backstage, and I'd be happy to sign it during the show? Thank you. Would you make sure that I get the book that the young lady has? Yes?
01:02
Hello. Hello.
01:03
I haven't seen you since you were on the Buddy Hackett Show back in New York. And I have a big ten-cent bet with my brother, who you also knew from high school, if you'd remember.
01:17
If I'd remember the Buddy Hackett Show? Or if I'd remember going to school? Well, that was back in the covered wagon days.
01:26
you're June your brother is Richard only six No big deal. It was only years ago
01:42
don't go away we'll be right back
01:49
recently nearly the entire nation spent a total of five hours watching gone with the wind make its TV debut so for those of you who ran out of Kleenex and were unable to watch it we put together our own mini version to let you know what you've missed
02:04
uh-huh
02:05
lovelier Good afternoon, Miss Starlin. You're even lovelier than ever
02:33
Starlett O'Hara
oh my cousin beauregard how you do turn a girl's head
02:38
miss darlin i swear you are a vision
02:41
Starlett O'Hara
why cotton you got enough enough charming you to be twins
02:45
remember me miss starlet
02:47
Starlett O'Hara
oh billy joe my goodness i thought she jumped off the tallahatchie bridge
02:56
Sissy
Miss Donnett! Miss Donnett! Miss Donnett! Miss Donnett! Miss Donnett! Miss Donnett!
03:03
Starlett O'Hara
What is it, sissy?
03:06
Sissy
It's Mr. Ashley, he's here! Mr. Fox, Bashley! He's here!
03:09
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, fix my hair, straighten my dress, and pinch my cheeks, I gotta look my better! What are you doing, girl? Leave me alone! Oh, my, Brashley is here! Oh, why, Brashly Wilkes! How good of you to come!
03:24
Brashly
Yes, thank you, Miss Starlin. I believe you know my cousin, Melody.
03:27
Starlett O'Hara
Yes, of course I do. Come in, Miss Wilkes.
03:31
Brashly
Come on, baby.
03:32
Melody
Thank you.
03:38
Starlett O'Hara
No. Oh, Brashly, darling, why don't you go into the parlor and I'll join you directly, huh?
03:43
Brashly
Uh, uh, well, what about Melody?
03:45
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, don't worry. Don't worry about Melody. I'll take care of that twit. Hello, Melody.
03:53
Melody
Hello, darling. How sweet of you, how kind of you to invite me.
03:57
Starlett O'Hara
Yeah, I know, but come on in anyway.
04:00
Melody
May I take this moment to tell you how very much I do admire you, and I certainly hope someday we can be as close as sisters.
04:08
Starlett O'Hara
In the meantime, Melody, why don't you just stick your head in the punch bowl? I'm sure it could use a little more sugar.
04:14
Melody
All right.
04:25
Starlett O'Hara
Ashley, Rashly, my darling, I got something to tell you.
04:28
Brashly
Well, I have something...
04:29
Starlett O'Hara
No, no, no. Let me tell you mine first, And then you can tell me yours. Oh brashly. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you I love you. I really really do love you What was it you wanted to tell me darling? Hmm?
04:42
Brashly
I wish you'd have said that sooner. This isn't gonna be easy
04:45
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, Ashley, I love you. I love you.
04:47
Brashly
Well, I'm married melody this afternoon
04:49
Starlett O'Hara
hate you, I hate you, I hate you! How could you do that to me? How could you?
04:54
Brashly
Well, it wasn't...
04:58
Starlett O'Hara
Well, get out! I never want to see you again! Get out of my sight forever
05:02
Brashly
boy for a minute there i thought she's going to be mad
05:07
Starlett O'Hara
I'm just so upset I can spit.
05:12
Captain Ratt Butler
Hold on there, sweetheart. you're liable to bust a stay
05:20
Starlett O'Hara
sir he should have let your presence be known just who are you and how did you get in here
05:25
Captain Ratt Butler
i'm captain rat butler and i arrived here by way of a streetcar named Desire.
05:34
Starlett O'Hara
desire you sir are no gentleman
05:37
Captain Ratt Butler
and you miss o'hara are no lady
05:41
Captain Ratt Butler
I love you. You and I are cut out of the same rotten, dirty cloth. Renegades, both of us, that went for this blasted war. I'd marry you in a minute.
05:49
Starlett O'Hara
What war?
06:13
Captain Ratt Butler
I'm on my way to war. A lonely soldier going to almost certain death. Don't you want to give me something to remember you by?
06:19
Starlett O'Hara
I certainly do.
06:22
Captain Ratt Butler
That ought to do it.
06:24
Captain Ratt Butler
Let's go, Brashley. We don't want to keep the war waiting.
06:27
Good boy.
06:28
Melody
my darling Brashley. My darling. Your concern concern for my brashly is overwhelming you have a full and generous heart
06:39
Starlett O'Hara
you're sick
06:42
left
06:51
Starlett O'Hara
There's only one thing to do we're gonna have to stay here and defend terror just the three of us
06:57
Melody
just the three of us oh yes darling i do hate to disagree with you the four of us i do believe i'm going to have a baby
07:06
Starlett O'Hara
a baby
07:07
Melody
yes
07:08
Starlett O'Hara
oh shoot what are we gonna do with a baby in the middle of a war
07:13
oh now
07:13
Sissy
Now, don't you worry nothing, Miss Starling. I know everything there is to know about birthing babies. I've done it lots of times.
07:18
Melody
Oh, that is such a comfort to me, Sissy, because I do believe I'm going to have it now.
07:25
Sissy
All right, I Ms. Darnit, I don't know what I'm going to do now. I don't know nothing.
07:31
Sissy
I'll try. Now, Ms. Melody, you just go rest on the sofa, and Ms. Darnit, you go on upstairs can get some clean linens and boil lots of water. I'll get the door.
07:45
Yankee Soldier
Ma'am, this is to inform you that General Sherman's army is now occupying Atlanta. You got a match?
07:52
Sissy
Oh, yeah, sure. Here you go.
07:54
Yankee Soldier
Thank you.
07:57
Starlett O'Hara
Sissy, who was that at just
07:59
Sissy
some soldier oh
08:02
Starlett O'Hara
Wait for the fire! They're burning it later!
08:05
Sissy
You better hurry up down here where damn Lenin's been started. This baby ain't gonna wait for no fire.
08:10
Starlett O'Hara
Oh my goodness! Here's your hot water. Good heavens! There's your Lenin's. Oh! oh my oh what am i gonna do these Starlet O'Hara is not going to be trifled with, as God is my witness. yankees aren't gonna beat me i mean I have to lie, steal, steal, and murder, I won't be defeated.
08:44
Starlett O'Hara
And when this war is over, I'll never, never, never, never go hungry again. If I gotta make tuna casseroles and go without my grits, this war won't get the best of me!
09:08
Sissy
I ain't down yet!
09:12
Melody
You two shut up! I've got good news.
09:46
Starlett O'Hara
What is it?
09:47
Melody
The war is over.
09:48
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, the war is over.
09:50
Melody
Now for the bad news. There's a Yankee soldier coming up to walk and he's got a gun.
09:54
Starlett O'Hara
A Yankee here at Tara.
09:55
Sissy
Yeah! That's what we do.
09:57
Melody
Well, you can't it simply isn't done
10:00
Yankee Soldier
afternoon
10:01
Starlett O'Hara
knocked the door, he knocked the door
10:03
Sissy
I get it
10:08
Yankee Soldier
ladies i'm here to collect the 300 back taxes on tara
10:14
Starlett O'Hara
oh well uh won't you step into the parlor while i fetch my pocketbook
10:19
Yankee Soldier
very well but you better be quick about it
10:21
Starlett O'Hara
i will why don't you just go right over here
10:23
Melody
uh tell me could i offer you a chair
10:25
Yankee Soldier
well yes
10:25
Melody
you got it
10:26
Starlett O'Hara
what did What the heck you do melody
10:36
Melody
tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree
10:43
Brashly
Now, thanks for ride boys maybe we'll win the next one hi girls what's for dinner
10:51
Melody
oh my god my darling will never let anything come between us
10:58
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, Brashley, Brashley, Brashley!
11:00
Brashly
Oh, uh, hi there, Starlet. What's new?
11:02
Starlett O'Hara
Nothing, nothing is new, darling. Everything is just the same as it was when you left.
11:06
Melody
Well, not quite, Starlet, darling. Don't forget about little Brashley, too, and
11:10
Starlett O'Hara
you. We'll talk about your brat later. Right now, I've got more important things to discuss. Listen, Brashley, they want $300 on back taxes on Tara, and I don't have the money, so could you help me pay up the note?
11:22
Brashly
Well, I'd love to.
11:23
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, you sweet, generous darling, Brashley. You've always been so good.
11:27
Brashly
Yeah, but you see, my money is gone.
11:30
Starlett O'Hara
Gone? Gone where?
11:33
Brashly
It went with the wind.
11:37
Starlett O'Hara
What wind? Well, that's pretty, but it doesn't answer my question.
11:48
Melody
Dad, come upstairs. I want to show you our son.
11:51
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, no, but wait. What am I going to do about the bad taxes?
11:54
Melody
Well, why don't you ask that nice Captain Butler?
11:57
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, no, Captain Lowlife, Captain Butler.
11:59
Starlett O'Hara
you mean rat Butler the man who became a millionaire during the war precious rat where is he
12:06
Brashly
well he said he was gonna be here this afternoon but he stopped off at the camp town races as you folks know that track is five miles long he was out there bidding on a bobtail neg I put two bucks on the bay myself course only induced he probably only played 260 to show so I do da do da
12:25
Melody
don't you want to go upstairs and see little brashley jr
12:31
Brashly
brashley jr
12:32
Melody
yes
12:33
Brashly
god i was hoping you'd kind of name them after me
12:36
Starlett O'Hara
sissy get in here oh what am i gonna do captain butler's coming over and he's got money and i gotta get it and look at me i look like the inside of a goat's stomach
12:47
Sissy
oh miss doll the yankees don't store all your clothes
12:51
Starlett O'Hara
i know that stupid
12:54
Sissy
Look, Miss Dahl, isn't that Captain Butler's carriage there?
12:57
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, Lord, what am I gonna do?
12:59
Sissy
Well, I've got an idea. When he comes in, why don't you hide behind the drapes?
13:07
Starlett O'Hara
Assistant, help me take these down.
13:09
Sissy
Well, what's she doing that for?
13:11
Starlett O'Hara
Never you mind. Now, listen, when he gets here, you just keep him busy. You understand?
13:14
Sissy
Yes, ma'am.
13:15
Starlett O'Hara
Because I've got me a dress to make.
13:18
Sissy
Yes, ma'am.
13:23
Captain Ratt Butler
What a pleasant
13:24
Sissy
What'd I say? What'd I say?
13:27
I took a dump in here.
13:33
Captain Ratt Butler
surprise Good afternoon, Sissy Is Miss Starlet at home?
13:41
Sissy
Come on in, she'll be down in a minute
13:49
Captain Ratt Butler
I really like what you've done with the place
13:54
Sissy
So, how are you, Captain Butler?
13:58
Captain Ratt Butler
How am I? You ask that of a man who just returned from battle? Who returned from seeing brother pitted against brother? From seeing the world that he loved crumbled beneath his feet? And you ask, how are you? How are you? I'm pretty good, thanks, and you?
14:21
Captain Ratt Butler
I'm a man of many wishes, you see. I wish this filthy war never happened. I wish for a time when life was simple and beautiful.
14:30
Captain Ratt Butler
I wish I was in the land of cotton. Old times there are not forgotten. Look away! Look away? Look away! Dixieland.
14:45
Sissy
You know, that's real catchy. You ought to set that to music, Captain.
14:47
Captain Ratt Butler
I wish it would come true, Sissy. It, like my dreams, have went with the wind.
14:55
Sissy
What wind? That's real pretty, but that don't answer my question.
15:13
Starlett O'Hara
What brings you to town? brings you to Tara.
15:31
Are you fixing you?
15:35
Captain Ratt Butler
Starlet, I love you. That gown is gorgeous.
15:40
Starlett O'Hara
Thank you. I saw it in the window and I just couldn't resist it.
15:51
Captain Ratt Butler
Starlet.
15:52
Starlett O'Hara
I'm sorry. Maybe it isn't
15:54
Captain Ratt Butler
Starlet. Isn't it Starlet? Starlet?
15:56
Starlett O'Hara
Yes?
15:56
Captain Ratt Butler
Will you marry me?
15:59
Starlett O'Hara
Marry you? Why, you're the scum of the ocean and the chicken of the sea. Of course I'll marry you.
16:08
Sissy
Where are you going to find a minister?
16:10
Yankee Soldier
Well, I'm a minister.
16:12
Captain Ratt Butler
Will you marry it?
16:13
Yankee Soldier
Sure. I now pronounce you man and wife. Now, how about them back taxes?
16:20
Captain Ratt Butler
Here you are, minister. $300.
16:23
Starlett O'Hara
Sissy, show the minister the door.
16:25
Sissy
Shoot, for $300, I show him anything he wants. Come on, shoot.
16:29
Captain Ratt Butler
Last Well, at word alone, Starlet.
16:34
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. There will be no kissing in this marriage.
16:39
Captain Ratt Butler
Oh, yes, there will, Starlet. You need kissing. and you need a lot of kissing and from someone who knows how
16:43
Starlett O'Hara
put me down put me down what a doing?
16:47
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Just... Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
17:02
Starlett O'Hara
Fred! Fred, I never realized virile strong hunk of man you are i'm yours now
17:09
Captain Ratt Butler
now scarlet i'm pooped
17:11
Starlett O'Hara
this Shoot, just hadn't been my day
17:19
Starlett O'Hara
brash
17:20
Brashly
oh hi starlet what's going on
17:22
Starlett O'Hara
i just became mrs rat butler would you like to kiss the bride my darling
17:26
Brashly
well i well i well i well i well i well i well i know
17:29
Starlett O'Hara
i love you you know i love
17:33
Captain Ratt Butler
Well, I always seem to be interrupting your tender moments. Step out of the way, woman. This is between us men.
17:38
Brashly
Oh, perhaps I ought to get out of the way then.
17:40
Wait, you child, I dare you.
18:00
All It's going to be okay, y'all.
18:02
Brashly
Boy, it's a good thing you hit her. You could have killed me.
18:08
Melody
Please, Please, pardon the intrusion. I do hate to be a part of it. Go I'm going into that great plantation. In the sky.
18:26
Brashly
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You can't go. You can't go. Wait a minute. Hold it. Just say that you got something that's going around. Please.
18:36
Melody
Oh, is that you, my darling Brash? Would you please ask Darla to come here? I want to talk to her. Please.
18:42
Brashly
All right. I'll get it.
18:48
Brashly
You want to see you.
18:49
Starlett O'Hara
You got it. I'm coming, darling. I'm coming. Yes, Mellie, yes, what is it?
18:58
Melody
Oh, My darling.
18:59
Starlett O'Hara
Yes.
19:00
Melody
Like my sister. You are like my sister.
19:02
Starlett O'Hara
Yes.
19:02
Melody
I want to tell you, I've been thinking about our friendship all these years, my darling.
19:06
Starlett O'Hara
Yes, Mellie.
19:07
Melody
I want you to know how I really feel.
19:09
Starlett O'Hara
Yes, Mellie.
19:10
Melody
I I can can die a happy woman. Bye, y'all.
19:33
Brashly
She's Gone, gone, she's gone, look at her, she's gone, she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, she's gone, gone, she's gone.
19:42
Starlett O'Hara
What, Brashley, you, you really do love Mellie?
19:46
Captain Ratt Butler
You never let yourself believe that, could you, Stunner?
19:48
Starlett O'Hara
Oh no, I knew he really did love her, but I never knew he really, really, really, really, really, really did love her.
19:55
Brashly
I really, really, really, really, really, really did love her. Now she's gone, gone, gone. She's gone. I really, really, really did love her. Now she's gone, she's gone. She's gone. And I'm gone.
20:07
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, Brad, my jaw. Darling,
20:09
Captain Ratt Butler
a man loves like that only once in a lifetime. Once that love is dead, it can never be rekindled.
20:16
Starlett O'Hara
Brad, what are you saying?
20:18
Captain Ratt Butler
started right i'm leaving you
20:20
Starlett O'Hara
leaving me but but what do i do what will become of me
20:26
Captain Ratt Butler
frankly my dear i don't get what
20:33
Starlett O'Hara
What did he say
20:35
Sissy
he said frankly my dear i don't get what
20:40
Sissy
It makes sense to me.
20:42
Starlett O'Hara
Oh, Susie. Susie, am i gonna DUDE I don't have rent? What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
20:52
Sissy
Thank you, Miss Darlin', I don't give a damn.