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Behind the Scenes: Gay T-Shirt
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Seated beside Robert between takes, David is wearing the T-shirt Robert bought him and nervously asks whether it makes him look fat. Robert reassures him in a backhanded way, then admits that the gift was meant to make David look gay. After a row with a gay acquaintance in which he said some things he insists were ironic, Robert wants a cover story that proves he cannot be homophobic. He argues that David has no girlfriend anyway, so he might as well be the gay one, while David protests that this will wreck his chances of finding one. Robert counters that the disguise at least gives David a handy excuse for his unhappiness, and offers a pointed alternative explanation that David does not enjoy. The chat ends with a sarcastic offer of a biscuit.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I never found happiness because Rob made me pretend to be gay for his career.
One of us ought to be gay.
I don't smell. Well, must be attractiveness then.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
David Kerr
Director
Gareth Edwards
Producer
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Robert Webb
I see you're wearing that T-shirt I bought you.
- 00:07
David Mitchell
Yeah. Well, you did drop quite a few hints about it, actually, so I pretty much felt I had to.
- 00:11
Robert Webb
You're very welcome.
- 00:14
David Mitchell
You don't think it makes me look fat, do you?
- 00:16
Robert Webb
No, no, no, no, no. I don't actually think that's possible.
- 00:19
David Mitchell
Oh, thank you very much.
- 00:20
Robert Webb
That's not what I meant. Oh. What I meant was the only way it's possible for a T-shirt to contribute to making someone look fat is if they et it.
- 00:27
David Mitchell
Did you deliberately buy this T-shirt to make me look fat?
- 00:30
Robert Webb
No, of course not! I bought it to deliberately make you look gay. You look fat, whatever you wear.
- 00:35
David Mitchell
Why do you want me to look gay?
- 00:36
Robert Webb
None of your business!
- 00:38
David Mitchell
Sorry. Hang on.
- 00:40
Robert Webb
All right, if you must know, I got into a bit of a row the other night with this bloke who was gay, and I said some things that could be construed as homophobic.
- 00:50
David Mitchell
What sort of things?
- 00:51
Robert Webb
Nothing, really. Nothing, just a bit of, backs to the wall, chaps, watch out, he wants to bum you. I mean, it was completely ironic.
- 00:59
David Mitchell
Bloody hell.
- 00:59
Robert Webb
Look, it was being incredibly rude about Tony Blair, and Tony can't defend himself, you know, he hasn't got an army anymore. So I'm just covering my arse, so to speak, by making you look gay, so, you know, I can say, look, there's no way I'm homophobic, I spend my whole time working with that bender.
- 01:17
David Mitchell
I mean, I wouldn't phrase it like that. And where does that leave...
- 01:22
Robert Webb
Look, it's no skin off your nose. You haven't got a girlfriend.
- 01:25
David Mitchell
In what way do those two statements go together?
- 01:28
Robert Webb
Well, you might as well be gay. I mean, one of us ought to be gay. I used to have a go. Remember my earring?
- 01:34
David Mitchell
Yeah, well.
- 01:35
Robert Webb
So now it's your turn.
- 01:37
David Mitchell
But if everyone thinks I'm gay, you know, I'll never ever get a girlfriend, will I?
- 01:45
Robert Webb
Look, I don't mean to be rude, but that is kind of the case already. You know, I mean, at least this way you've got an excuse. You know, I never found happiness because Rob made me pretend to be gay for his career. That's a lot better than, I never found happiness because of reasons to do with, I don't know, attractiveness or smell.
- 02:08
David Mitchell
I don't smell.
- 02:09
Robert Webb
Well, must be attractiveness then. Just trying to give you a get-out, mate.
- 02:15
David Mitchell
Thanks. Have a biscuit.
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One more couldn’t hurt.
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