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Fish and Cushion

That Mitchell and Webb Look 2006 Season 1 Episode 3

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

When one half of a stage double act walks out to chase a credit-card-sounding new partnership, the break-up ripples through two rival acts and a TV ad campaign.

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Community rating

8.0 / 10

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Highly quotable.

Fish and Chips are on the way out, Alan. They're high in cholesterol.

I mean, Fish and Cushion. What does that mean?

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Backstage after a show, Barry Chip tells his partner Alan Fish that he wants out of their long-running act and has been talking to Roger Pin of a rival duo. Barry's plan is a new act called Chip and Pin, a name he insists is the future, and Alan, stung, wishes him well while predicting a mistake. Barry and Roger toast their big chance in a pub, while Alan pairs up with Roger's old partner John Cushion to launch Fish and Cushion, which turns into a sell-out hit. When the pair are picked as the face of the advertising campaign for the very thing Barry and Roger hoped to promote, the two former stars are left slumped on a sofa, bitter and washed up.

ScriptEnglish · 36 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:01
Alan Fish
Oh, tough one, but I think we've won them all over.
00:06
Barry Chip
Listen, Alan, I've got something I want to tell you. I want to leave the act. I don't want to be in Fish and Chip any more.
00:17
Alan Fish
What are you talking about? We've been together 15 years, Barry. We're Fish and Chip. We can't just throw that away like... Yesterday's Fish and Chips. That's not funny, Barry.
00:28
Barry Chip
Look, the truth is, I've been talking to Roger Pin.
00:32
Alan Fish
Roger Pin? From Pin and Cushion?
00:35
Barry Chip
Yeah, well, he and John Cushion haven't been getting on very well for a couple of years now and, well, there's no easy way of saying this, but me and Roger Pin, we want to form our own act.
00:47
Alan Fish
What, Pin and Chip?
00:49
Barry Chip
Chip and Pin.
00:50
Alan Fish
Well, what the hell is that? That's not a thing.
00:52
Barry Chip
It is.
00:54
Alan Fish
Well, what is it then?
00:55
Barry Chip
It's a new way of making credit and debit card transactions more secure and it's going to be massive.
01:01
Alan Fish
What? More massive than Fish and Chips?
01:04
Barry Chip
Fish and Chips are on the way out, Alan. They're high in cholesterol. There are associations with obese people. No, Chip and Pin. That's the future. This is too big an opportunity for me to pass up. You've got to let me go for this, Alan.
01:19
Alan Fish
Well, I wish you all the best, Barry. I really do. I must say, I think you're making a big mistake.
01:34
Barry Chip
It's just your arm, Alan. We've both always known. It's just your arm.
01:50
Barry Chip
Well, done it, Roger.
01:53
Roger Pin
How do you take it?
01:54
Barry Chip
As well as could be expected. Yours?
01:57
Roger Pin
First time I've ever seen John Cushion cry.
02:01
Roger Pin
I just hope we're doing the right thing.
02:03
Barry Chip
I know we are. This is our big chance. It's time for Chip and Pin.
02:09
Roger Pin
Little did we know that that was the beginning of an amazingly successful double act.
02:15
Speaker 1
Ladies and gentlemen, Fish and Cushion!
02:26
Roger Pin
Fish and Cushion? This just doesn't make any sense to me.
02:32
Barry Chip
And, of course, he was right. I mean, Fish and Cushion, what does that mean? But you can't argue with a four-month sellout run.
02:41
Barry Chip
I think the hardest moment to deal with was when Fish and Cushion were selected above us to be the faces of the TV campaign launching Chip and Pin.
02:51
Roger Pin
That, I have to admit, was the one job that Barry and I were pretty sure that we, Chip and Pin, would get.
03:07
John Cushion
Life's tough without Chip and Pin, isn't it?
03:09
Alan Fish
It sure is.
03:11
Speaker 2
Don't worry, lads! Chip and Pin is coming this February!
03:26
Barry Chip
We've scored a bit of an own goal, really.
03:30
Roger Pin
Yeah.
03:32
Speaker 3
Can you find it in your heart to blame them?
03:36
Roger Pin
Not really.
03:39
Barry Chip
Give it another ten years and we'll buy a gun.