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Weekend Update: Jane Wickline on Sabrina Carpenter's Netflix Christmas Special

Saturday Night Live2024Season 50Episode 9
Saturday Night LiveSNL
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Jane Wickline brings a keyboard to Weekend Update and sings from Sabrina Carpenter’s imagined perspective, turning celebrity gossip into a plea for a little mystery.

Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

After Colin Jost introduces Sabrina Carpenter’s Christmas special, Jane Wickline announces a song told from the singer’s perspective while rejecting both a conventional impression and a musical imitation. Accompanying herself on a keyboard, she imagines Carpenter frustrated that audiences take her public image at face value while interpreting other pop stars’ clothes and songs as clues to their sexuality. References to music-video kisses, cover songs and stage antics become increasingly desperate attempts to provoke speculation. Wickline maintains her understated delivery as Jost tries to follow the premise, then ends with a holiday flourish.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

No, I can’t look or sound like her.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

The Netflix special discussed in the introduction, A Nonsense Christmas with Sabrina Carpenter, premiered on December 6, 2024.

ScriptEnglish · 36 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Colin Jost

    Well guys, Sabrina Carpenter just came out with a new Netflix Christmas special which has received rave reviews. Here to comment is new cast member Jane Wickline.

  2. 00:13

    Colin Jost

    Hello Jane, welcome. So I understand you have a new song for us.

  3. 00:16

    Jane Wickline

    Yes, well I'm a huge Sabrina Carpenter fan, so I'm actually going to sing a song as her.

  4. 00:22

    Colin Jost

    Oh, so you'll be doing like a Sabrina Carpenter impression?

  5. 00:25

    Jane Wickline

    No. I can't look or sound like her. She's completely perfect.

  6. 00:30

    Colin Jost

    So you're going to sing a song like in her style?

  7. 00:33

    Jane Wickline

    No. But for the purposes of this song, I am her.

  8. 00:37

    Colin Jost

    Okay.

  9. 00:39

    Okay.

  10. 00:40

    Colin Jost

    Great. That's very original. Yeah, so what's it about?

  11. 00:44

    Jane Wickline

    Well, a lot of people on the Internet like to start these juicy rumors about whether pop stars are gay, and this is a new song that I, Sabrina Carpenter, wrote called, When Will Even One Person Do That About Me?

  12. 01:00

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Taylor Swift sings about a crush on a best friend, and you all cried lesbian cuz she didn't phrase it my boy best friend

  13. 01:08

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    in a music video I make out with Jenna Ortega no one doubts me at all when I say this is a metaphor for one of my ex-boyfriends and that is all

  14. 01:23

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    it was but no one even wondered

  15. 01:27

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Ariana sings break up with your girlfriend everyone's pissed

  16. 01:31

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Harry Harry wears rainbow pants, you write 50 articles about it,

  17. 01:35

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I make out with Jenna Ortega passionately And everyone's like, I heard this song is about Shawn Mendes

  18. 01:47

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Hell, where me, just tell me where I'm going wrong Why am I the only straight pop star taken at their word

  19. 01:56

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    It's lonely, I do gay stuff and you don't get mad I just want the same treatment I want to have mystique

  20. 02:09

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Why don't you think I'm either by or pretending that I might be

  21. 02:13

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I'm not by or pretending But why does no one think I'm lying?

  22. 02:17

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I might have secrets. I just want you to think I might have secrets

  23. 02:25

    Colin Jost

    Sorry, does this have to do with the Christmas special?

  24. 02:28

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I'm glad you brought up the Christmas special Colin the album that is called fruitcake Doesn't that make you think of anything?

  25. 02:38

    Colin Jost

    Oh. Oh, yeah. The cake.

  26. 02:43

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Please, please, please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

  27. 02:47

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I also made out with a girl alien at the VMAs. Nothing!

  28. 02:53

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I feel left out. Why can't you see me for who I really easily could be in secret?

  29. 03:03

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    Should I cover a Second Chapel Rome song? How much bigger can I get

  30. 03:06

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I leave a trail of bread comes and then I leave a trail of love's up bread

  31. 03:10

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    I just want you to think I might have secrets. I don't have secrets, but please think I might have secrets I just want you to think I might have secrets

  32. 03:22

    Jane Wickline (as Sabrina Carpenter)

    And that's that me espresso.

  33. 03:25

    Colin Jost

    Sabrina Carpenter, everyone.

  34. 03:29

    Colin Jost

    The Weekend Update. I'm Colin Jost.

  35. 03:31

    Michael Che

    I'm Michael Che.

  36. 03:32

    Michael Che

    Good night!

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