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Black Friday
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a fake ad for Mega-Mart's Black Friday "12 Minute Madness" sale, an overexcited spokesman (Bobby Moynihan) promotes ridiculous doorbusters, including a secret unpublished Harry Potter novel with only a few copies in stock, while cheerfully listing hazards: a 4 a.m. opening onto freshly waxed floors, the best deals hidden at the end of a narrow, overstuffed aisle, and no security guards. A live shot of the overnight line finds Janice Wrust (Anne Hathaway) gulping Four Loko and swearing she has made peace with her God to win a cheap scrapbooking kit. The pitch keeps escalating with free box cutters at the door, a death-metal DJ loud enough to drown out screams, and an elderly Kirk Douglas hidden somewhere in the store for shoppers to find and touch.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
And to make room for more customers, we've removed our security guards.
He'll be playing music so loud... no one can hear you scream.
Catch him, touch him, win!
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
Clear your calendars, chug that coffee, and wake the kids because this Friday is Black Friday at Mega Mart!
- 00:06
Speaker 1
Black Friday!
- 00:07
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
It's the biggest shopping day of the year and we're giving you incredible savings with... Mega Mart's 12 minute matinee! This is the shortest, craziest sale in retail history! You have just 12 minutes to rush in and grab all the deals you can carry! It's gonna be a savings stampede!
- 00:21
Speaker 1
Savings stampede!
- 00:23
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
Doorbuster specials like iPads for $39, 3D televisions for $71, And a secret, unpublished Harry Potter novel, Harry Potter and the Treacherous Crawlspace, is available for only six bucks. And there's only seven left, so line up early because we're starting at 4 a.m. Crack it all. That's right, coked-up rooster. At 4 a.m., we will fling our doors open to anybody and everybody just as soon as we finish waxing and mopping the floors. Slide into saving. All the best deals are located in the very back of the store down a narrow aisle packed with merchandise.
- 00:56
Speaker 1
Fire hazard.
- 00:57
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
And to make room for more customers, we've removed our security guards. People have already started camping out in the tailgate sponsored by Four Loko, America's premier hillbilly and cholo fuel. If you show up too late, you will be humiliated.
- 01:10
Janice Wrust
I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get the 12 by 12 finish in a flash to this scrapbooking kit. I've steeled myself, my state's in order, and I've made peace with my God and those around me, so I will get the 12 by 12 finish in a flash to this scrapbooking kit. Just you wait.
- 01:21
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
Whoa, what a day for shopping. Your shopping boards can only be slowed by one thing, boxes. so everyone in our Mega Mart 12-minute frenzy will get a free box cutter at the door!
- 01:30
Speaker 1
Free box cutter!
- 01:31
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
And to keep the energy up, we've hired DJ Thunderthrust, one of the top death metal DJs in the Tri-State area. He'll be playing music so loud... No one can hear you scream. Finally, we're proud to have 93-year-old actor Kirk Douglas on hand to sign copies of his book, The Ragman's Son. Kirk will be hidden somewhere in the store, and the first three customers to find him and touch him will win one free Kindle!
- 01:54
Mega-Mart Spokesperson
Catch him, touch him, win! So strap on your combat boots and start running for Black Friday's 12-Minute Madness at Megamart! This is happening! This is happening! Get it, do it, own it, Megamart!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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