You're tuned to the good stuff
Career Day
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
After a firefighter dad wraps up his talk, Mordecai's impossibly old father, oil baron Abraham H. Parnassus, takes the floor at career day. He explains that oil is about dominating the spirit rather than profit, has the class single out its weakest student, recounts how he crushed his long-dead rival H.R. Pickens, and smashes a stuffed bird with his cane as a visual aid while his mortified son begs him to stop. He then invites the class out to the hall for a snack of swine livers and Capri Suns.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Look upon your father with pride.
Oil is not for the weak. It is the Earth's milk, and only the strong may suckle at Mother's teat.
For I crushed him into the ground!
I married your granddaughter, filled her belly with my festering seed and sired a boy!
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Don Roy King
Director
Eli Coyote Mandel
Writer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Written by Eli Coyote Mandel during his first week on the SNL writing staff, adapting an oil-baron character he had first improvised in a Chicago scene about five years earlier.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Samantha's Dad
And in my opinion, that's how we make the fire go away.
- 00:04
Teacher
Oh, wow. Simply wow. Thank you so much to Samantha's dad for that enlightening demonstration. All right, class, to continue our career day presentations, we will now turn it over to Mordecai's father, Abraham H. Parnassus.
- 00:23
Dude, what does your dad even do?
- 00:25
Mordecai
I don't want to talk about it.
- 00:26
I heard he's, like, super old. Is that true?
- 00:28
Mordecai
I don't know. He's a dad. Dads are old.
- 00:37
Abraham H. Parnassus
Greetings, children. I'm Mordecai's father. Hello, boy. How are you? Look at your father, boy. Look upon your father with pride.
- 00:51
Mordecai
I see you, man.
- 00:54
Teacher
All right, uh, Mr. Parnassus, why don't you tell us about what you do for a living?
- 00:59
Abraham H. Parnassus
Hear me now, children. for my occupation is of much import. For 82 years, I've been an oil man, a baron. Some have called me. Now, what does an oil baron do? And the answer? Crush your enemies! Grind their bones into dirt! Make them regret it!
- 01:27
Teacher
Well, right into the dirt. Now, if the kids want to pursue a career in oil, what kind of traits would serve them well?
- 01:34
Abraham H. Parnassus
-"Oil is not for the weak. It is the Earth's milk. And only the strong may suckle at mother's teat. You hear me, boy? Only the strong. Look at me, boy. Look at your father. Look at me."
- 01:51
Teacher
-"Look at him, Mordecai."
- 01:53
Mordecai
-"Dad, this is embarrassing."
- 01:54
Abraham H. Parnassus
-"One man came close to breaking me. H.R. Pickens. He did not succeed. For I crushed him into the ground!"
- 02:02
Who is H.R. Pickens?
- 02:04
Abraham H. Parnassus
Exactly!
- 02:07
Teacher
Samantha, you gotta stop it, honey, okay?
- 02:10
Teacher
Well, Mr. Parnassus, the oil business must be pretty lucrative, right?
- 02:14
Abraham H. Parnassus
Oil has little to do with profit, ma'am.
- 02:18
Teacher
Okay.
- 02:19
Abraham H. Parnassus
Oil is about domination of the spirit. Allow me to demonstrate. Children, point to the weakest in your class, and we shall ruin their spirit as I ruined the spirit of H.R. Pickens so long ago.
- 02:35
Mordecai
What?
- 02:37
Abraham H. Parnassus
You are weak like H.R. Pickens. Feel this, boy. Understand the pain. You think I was always the picture of strength that I am now?
- 02:49
Mordecai
Dad, you couldn't get out of bed for a week because the mattress was too soft.
- 02:53
Abraham H. Parnassus
Mind of a flesh, boy. I was born seven months too early. Incubation technology was still in its infancy, so they placed me in a cast-iron pot inside of a pizza oven until I was ripe enough to walk. My bones never hardened, but my spirit did. Be strong and crush your enemies!
- 03:17
Teacher
Well, this has been outstanding, Mr. Parnassus, but unfortunately, we're running out of time.
- 03:23
Boo!
- 03:24
Teacher
Now, does anyone else have any last questions for Mordecai's dad?
- 03:29
Yeah, yeah. I get that you're an oil baron, but what do you actually do all day?
- 03:34
Abraham H. Parnassus
Perhaps I was not clear. Luckily, I've brought a visual aid which will illuminate the ins and outs of the oil industry. Represents those who would wish you ill, once proud, flying high above the earth in bloody defiance of her gifts. and now you return her to us naked and defeated. I'll lift you into the heavens! Be with my fa-
- 04:26
Yeah, come on.
- 04:27
I want to be you when I grow up.
- 04:36
Abraham H. Parnassus
Now, children, I was asked to bring a healthy snack, so join me in the hall for swine livers and Capri Suns.
- 04:41
Teacher
All right, kids.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
