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Thanksgiving Conference Call
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On Thanksgiving, Nancy rings her brother Bill, puts him on hold and dials their parents to surprise them with a holiday conference call. Their mother first takes the call for a sales pitch, then informs Bill himself that Bill is not home because he is in Florida, and finally sends for Harry, who has to come up from the basement to the other extension. With four people on the line the conversation goes in circles: the parents keep asking each child whether they are the other one, place Nancy in Florida although she is calling from Toronto, and trade the same greetings again and again while bickering with each other over who has the phone. A sudden yelp from Mom announces that a mouse is back in the kitchen, setting off a squabble over whether she is just seeing things, and the parents abruptly thank the kids for calling and hang up. Bill and Nancy, who expected nothing else, congratulate themselves on a new record of almost three minutes and say goodbye. When Nancy tries to dial out, though, the line is still open: her mother has left the kitchen receiver off the hook, and Nancy is left shouting into the phone while Mom rants in the background about forty years of mice.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm not in Florida. I'm in Toronto.
I think that dang mouse is back.
New record, almost three minutes before they hung up.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
John Blanchard
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This was the cold open of MADtv's fifth episode, which aired on November 11, 1995, two weeks before Thanksgiving. Episode guides list it as Conference Call, Phone Conference Call or Thanksgiving Phone Party Line.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:04
Bill ?
Hello.
- 00:05
Nancy ?
Hello. Hey, Bill. It's me.
- 00:07
Bill ?
Hey, Nancy. Is everything ready?
- 00:08
Nancy ?
Yeah, Mom and Dad are going to be so excited. I'm going to put you on hold and dial their number.
- 00:11
Bill ?
Okay.
- 00:19
Mom ?
Hello?
- 00:22
Nancy ?
Hello. Hi, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving.
- 00:24
Mom ?
I'm sorry, but we don't want any.
- 00:26
Nancy ?
No, Mom. It's me, Nancy.
- 00:28
Mom ?
Oh, hi, Nancy. How are you?
- 00:30
Nancy ?
Fine. Bill's on the other end.
- 00:32
Mom ?
Oh, I'm sorry. Bill's not here. He's in Florida.
- 00:35
Bill ?
Yeah, I know, Mom. It's me, Bill.
- 00:37
Mom ?
Oh, hello, Bill. Happy Thanksgiving. Nancy was just calling for you.
- 00:42
Nancy ?
No, I'm here, Mom. We're on a conference line. It's sort of a holiday phone special.
- 00:45
Mom ?
Nancy, I'm so glad you called. I was just talking with Billy. Your father's in the basement. I'll get him. Harry, pick up the other line. Nancy's phony.
- 00:56
Harry ?
Happy Thanksgiving, Nancy.
- 00:58
Nancy ?
Happy Thanksgiving, Dad.
- 00:59
Bill ?
Happy Thanksgiving, Dad.
- 01:01
Harry ?
What?
- 01:01
Bill ?
It's me, Bill.
- 01:02
Harry ?
William, what are you doing on the line? What? How are you, son?
- 01:05
Bill ?
Good.
- 01:06
Harry ?
Are you in Florida?
- 01:07
Bill ?
Yep.
- 01:08
Harry ?
Happy Thanksgiving. Is Nancy there?
- 01:10
Nancy ?
I'm here, Dad.
- 01:11
Harry ?
Is that you, Nancy? How are you?
- 01:12
Mom ?
Father, Nancy's on the phone. She's in Florida with Bill.
- 01:17
Harry ?
I've got it.
- 01:17
Mom ?
Well, then get it.
- 01:19
Harry ?
What? Hello? Hello. Hello?
- 01:23
Harry ?
Is that you, Nancy?
- 01:24
Harry ?
Is that you, Mother?
- 01:25
Mom ?
Yes. What do you want?
- 01:27
Harry ?
I've got the phone.
- 01:28
Mom ?
Well, finally.
- 01:29
Mom ?
How is Florida, Nancy?
- 01:31
Nancy ?
I'm not in Florida. I'm in Toronto.
- 01:33
Mom ?
Oh, did you hear that, Father? She's in Toronto.
- 01:36
Harry ?
How is it there, Precious?
- 01:38
Nancy ?
It's nice.
- 01:38
Harry ?
That's nice, then.
- 01:39
Bill ?
How are you, Dad?
- 01:40
Harry ?
William, is that you?
- 01:42
Bill ?
Yeah. How are you, Dad?
- 01:43
Harry ?
What? I'm fine. Is that you, Nancy?
- 01:45
Nancy ?
Yep.
- 01:46
Harry ?
How's Florida?
- 01:47
Nancy ?
I'm in Toronto.
- 01:48
Bill ?
Mom, you still there?
- 01:49
Mom ?
Yeah, I'm here. Is that you, Nancy?
- 01:51
Nancy ?
Yep.
- 01:51
Harry ?
How's Toronto?
- 01:52
Nancy ?
It's fine, Dad.
- 01:54
Mom ?
Ow!
- 01:55
Harry ?
Was that you, Mother?
- 01:56
Mom ?
Oh, yes. I think that dang mouse is back.
- 01:59
What? Oh, I thought you caught it. Well, I caught a mouse. It's obviously a new mouse. Are you sure you're not just seeing things?
- 02:06
Nancy ?
Dad?
- 02:08
Mom ?
Well, this must be costing you a fortune. Thanks for calling, kids. It's always nice hearing from you. Bye-bye.
- 02:15
Nancy ?
New record, almost three minutes before they hung up.
- 02:19
Bill ?
Yeah, well, happy Thanksgiving, sis.
- 02:20
Nancy ?
Same to you. I'll talk to you soon.
- 02:21
Bill ?
Okay, bye.
- 02:22
Nancy ?
Bye.
- 02:27
Nancy ?
Mom? Mom? That's Hang up the phone, Mom!
- 02:34
Mom ?
If you can't trap a damn thing I'm gonna get someone to say.
- 02:39
Nancy ?
Keep talking, keep talking.
- 02:40
Nancy ?
I can't dial out till you hang up the phone.
- 02:43
Mom ?
Forty bloody years we've been in this house, and we still got mice.
- 02:47
Nancy ?
Mom!
- 02:49
Mom ?
There were droppings on the pillowcases, for God's sake.
- 02:52
Nancy ?
Mom! Mom!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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