Tenement Museum

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00
   

   Tour Guide

   Okay, squeeze on in here, guys. Our next stop on the Tenement Museum tour is this apartment, which appears exactly as it would have in 1913.

2. 00:10
   

   Teacher

   Okay, pay attention, guys. Some of this is gonna be on the quiz.

3. 00:13
   

   Tour Guide

   All right, this was the home of the Lindowskis, a working-class family from Poland. And to help us understand what it was like for them in this strange new land of America, a group of historically trained actors will be joining us to bring the Lindowskis back to life. In fact, I think I hear them now.

4. 00:38
   

   Michael Linzowsky

   -"Oh, my darling Eva. For 16 hours today, I break my hands in factory. That I can afford to bring a cabbage home for soup. We should have stayed in Poland."

5. 00:53
   

   Ava Linzowsky

   -"Mikiel, our bellies will have to be filled with love. Food will pay luxury for the next generation."

6. 01:01
   

   Teacher

   Aw, they came here for their children.

7. 01:05
   

   Michael Linzowsky

   -"I wish I could bring home more money. Hey, but there are no good jobs. They have all been taken by the filthy, greasy Italians."

8. 01:34
   

   Ava Linzowsky

   -"Mickle, shame on you. It is not their fault that they are greasy, meatball-eating crotch-grabbers."

9. 01:42
   

   Teacher

   You know, I'm not sure this is okay for my students to hear.

10. 01:45
    

    Tour Guide

    Oh, no, I assure you, this conversation is 100% historically accurate.

11. 01:51
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    Mikkel, I don't like to see you upset over the Italians, who everyone knows are not even real white people. Oh, please, relax. Sit. Eat.

12. 02:04
    

    Tour Guide

    Now, look at the bowls Mrs. Lindowski is using. Something like that would be a treasured family heirloom.

13. 02:11
    

    Kyle Mooney

    Um, cool. Uh, what's up with the Italian stuff?

14. 02:13
    

    Tour Guide

    Hey, bud, let's wait until the end of the scene for questions.

15. 02:18
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    Emma, let me ask you a question. Do you know how to... Do you know how to brainwash an Italian?

16. 02:33
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    How, Michel?

17. 02:34
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    You give him an enema.

18. 02:36
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    Mm. That makes sense. And, Michel, do you know why Italy is shaped like a boot?

19. 02:43
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    Why, my love?

20. 02:44
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    Do you think they could fit that much crap into a shoe?

21. 02:49
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    -"That is very true of you."

22. 02:51
    

    Teacher

    -"Uh, are they just telling Italian jokes?"

23. 02:54
    

    Tour Guide

    -"No."

24. 02:55
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    -"Yes. But I must go now, or I will be late for my night shift at the factory."

25. 03:03
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    -"You work so hard, make-up."

26. 03:05
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    -"Yes. I work hard in factory so that someday our children will have be the boss of the factory. And then we will hire half-wit Goomba rat-faced Italians working to death at the machines. This is my dream.

27. 03:26
    

    Tour Guide

    Amazing. Let's hear it for the Lindowskis.

28. 03:31
    

    Kyle Mooney

    Feel kind of weird clapping for that, but all right.

29. 03:34
    

    Tour Guide

    Now, magically, the Lindowskis can hear you all the way back in 1913. So would anyone like to ask them a question?

30. 03:42
    

    Kyle Mooney

    Hi. Um, when you say greaseball, is it because their food is greasy or because they are?

31. 03:47
    

    Teacher

    Okay, please don't answer that.

32. 03:48
    

    Tour Guide

    Okay. Anyone else?

33. 03:50
    

    Kenan Thompson

    I have a question.

34. 03:51
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    Yes, chocolate's face.

35. 03:55
    

    Kenan Thompson

    And you just answered it.

36. 03:56
    

    Teacher

    Oh. Actually, I have a question for Mrs. Lewandowski. That contraption there, I don't know what it is. Could you tell me about it?

37. 04:06
    

    Ava Linzowsky

    Yes. This is for to dry clothes, okay? You put the wet fabric here and turn the lever like this. Ow! One bed sheet, three hours. Ow!

38. 04:16
    

    Tour Guide

    Wow! A lot harder than just tossing your clothes in the dryer, huh?

39. 04:21
    

    Michael Linzowsky

    But it will not always be this way for my wife. I work very hard to save money, and God willing, I will hire a chocolate lady to do this for me.

40. 04:39
    

    Teacher

    Nope. Yeah, we're leaving. Okay? Let's get out of here.

41. 04:43

    We'll be right back.