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The Greatest Action Story Ever Told
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
This mock movie trailer sends the Terminator back to biblical times on a mission to protect Jesus. After taking a wise man’s robes, he disrupts a sermon and treats Roman soldiers as targets. Jesus tries to explain that his sacrifice is part of a larger plan, but the cyborg keeps solving problems with a shotgun. At the Last Supper, their disagreement becomes a cycle of Judas being shot and miraculously revived, before a familiar action-movie promise takes on a new meaning during the crucifixion procession.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
What are you, some kind of wise guy?
Thou shalt not miss this movie.
Don’t worry, he’ll be back.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
Unto this world, a child is born.
- 00:06
Wise Man
The Night Hare, my brother.
- 01:00
The Terminator
Your robes, give them to me.
- 01:03
Wise Man
I come bearing many gifts, but I assure you my robes are not among them.
- 01:08
The Terminator
What are you, some kind of wise guy?
- 01:13
Wise Man
Well, actually yes.
- 01:15
Speaker 1
Arnold Schwarzenegger is The Terminator in The Greatest Action Story Ever Told.
- 01:26
The Terminator
Hasta la vista, baby Jesus.
- 01:45
Jesus
All right, all right, settle down. Did I make enough? Good. Back to my sermon. Blessed are the...
- 01:59
The Terminator
Get down! If you want to live...
- 02:13
Jesus
What are you doing?
- 02:16
The Terminator
They were going to arrest you.
- 02:17
Jesus
I know.
- 02:18
The Terminator
And crucify you.
- 02:19
Jesus
This is supposed to happen.
- 02:21
The Terminator
What are you, a glutton for punishment?
- 02:25
Speaker 1
In the beginning, there was Arnold.
- 02:28
The Terminator
I'm a cybernetic organism, living tissue of a metal endoskeleton. My mission is to protect you.
- 02:34
Jesus
I appreciate your concern, and I realize you've traveled a great distance, but there's a plan, a master plan even, and I can't explain it to you now, but you must, must stay away. And you cannot go around killing people.
- 02:49
The Terminator
Why?
- 02:51
Jesus
Because it is one of God's commandments, thou shall not kill.
- 02:54
The Terminator
Why?
- 02:55
Jesus
Because it is a sin.
- 02:56
The Terminator
Why?
- 02:58
Jesus
Because it's not nice.
- 03:00
The Terminator
Why?
- 03:02
Jesus
Forgive him, Father. He is a robot from the future.
- 03:06
Speaker 1
thou shalt not miss this movie now come witness the miracle
- 03:12
Jesus
brothers my time with you is almost over but for now let us eat
- 03:22
The Terminator
eat this
- 03:29
Jesus
just don't get it do you
- 03:36
The Terminator
you have been targeted for termination
- 03:38
Jesus
i've already told you i'm supposed to die for the sins of mankind
- 03:42
The Terminator
program to protect But he's going to betray you.
- 03:59
Jesus
I know. Look, look. I've got a lot on my mind right now, and you're really starting to stress me out. Okay? Okay?
- 04:10
The Terminator
Pontius Pilate at 10 o'clock.
- 04:12
Jesus
Give me that thing!
- 04:15
Speaker 1
This Christmas, the meek shall inherit the action.
- 04:29
The Terminator
Don't worry. He'll be back.
- 04:31
Speaker 1
Vader 3. The greatest action story ever told.
- 04:43
The Terminator
Bless this film.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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