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Trick-or-Treat
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
After Bob Peterson hands out candy to two young trick-or-treaters, a 43-year-old man in glasses and a mustache rings his doorbell carrying a plastic pumpkin. Bob shuts the door on the adult trick-or-treater, then softens when Jeff Montgomery explains that he has just moved into the neighborhood and wanted an excuse to meet people. Asked about his costume, Jeff says he is dressed as a sex offender, recites a legally required disclosure as if it were part of the act, and asks Bob to sign and date a form acknowledging that an offender now lives nearby. Bob's increasingly pointed questions establish that Jeff really is a registered offender, and Jeff's attempt to downplay his record ends in a damning admission, an abrupt offer to babysit and a freeze-frame on his face.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm a sex offender.
Could you sign and date these, please?
This is gonna sound like a terrible segue, but are you looking for a babysitter?
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Will Forte first played Jeff Montgomery in a 2006 MySpace seminar sketch; after this Halloween visit the character returned a month later at a Thanksgiving dinner.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Bob Peterson
Here is a Snickers for each of you. And for old time's sake, how about a Charleston Chew?
- 00:08
Thank you, Mr. Peterson. Happy Halloween.
- 00:24
Jeff Montgomery
Trick or treat.
- 00:26
Bob Peterson
Can I help you?
- 00:27
Jeff Montgomery
Well, that depends. Do you have any Kit Kat bars? Heck, I'll take anything without toffee. It's a real bitch on the fillings. Hey, don't call me a bitch. You're the bitch, bitch. What? Seriously, though, trick or treat.
- 00:41
Bob Peterson
Weren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?
- 00:43
Jeff Montgomery
Well, is 43 too old to be in the Halloween spirit? And by spirit, I don't mean ghost. Heck, I'm not that old. What?
- 00:59
Jeff Montgomery
Look, I realize this is a little unusual, but, you know, I just moved into the neighborhood, and, you know, I figured I'd use trick-or-treating as an excuse to get out and make some new friends. I apologize for being so awkward.
- 01:12
Bob Peterson
No, you know, that's quite all right. That wasn't very neighborly of me, and I apologize. Bob Peterson.
- 01:18
Jeff Montgomery
Jeff Montgomery. Pleasure to meet you.
- 01:20
Bob Peterson
You know, this doesn't excuse my behavior, but, uh, I hope you'll accept a Reese's peanut butter cup.
- 01:26
Jeff Montgomery
Bob, I couldn't think of a better welcoming gift. Thank you.
- 01:30
Bob Peterson
And just out of curiosity, what exactly is your Halloween costume?
- 01:34
Jeff Montgomery
I'm a sex offender.
- 01:42
Bob Peterson
Excuse me?
- 01:43
Jeff Montgomery
I'm a sex offender. For Halloween.
- 01:48
Bob Peterson
A sex offender.
- 01:49
Jeff Montgomery
Yes, pretty convincing, huh? Here watch this. I'm Jeff Montgomery by law. I'm required to inform you that I'm a repeat sex offender I'll be living in your neighborhood It's a great costume, right?
- 02:04
Jeff Montgomery
Could you sign and date these please?
- 02:08
Bob Peterson
What am I signing?
- 02:09
Jeff Montgomery
Oh, you will get a big kick out of this. You see as part of my costume I'm having everyone sign this form acknowledging that there's a sex offender living in the neighborhood, etc, etc
- 02:20
Bob Peterson
Let's just be clear on something here. Is sex offender your Halloween costume, or are you fulfilling a legal obligation to declare yourself a sex offender?
- 02:30
Jeff Montgomery
Bob, lighten up! It's Halloween! Huh? Besides, this is a tradition. You know, I do this every time I move to a new town.
- 02:39
Bob Peterson
Are you, Jeff Montgomery, a sex offender?
- 02:42
Jeff Montgomery
Am I, Jeff Montgomery, a registered sex offender on Halloween?
- 02:47
Jeff Montgomery
Yes. Yes.
- 02:48
Bob Peterson
What about not on Halloween?
- 02:51
Jeff Montgomery
Yes, even when it's not Halloween, I'm still Jeff Montgomery.
- 02:56
Bob Peterson
A sex offender.
- 02:57
Jeff Montgomery
Look, you're missing the point here, Bob. The point is Halloween spirit. The point is trick-or-treat. The point is, could you sign those papers?
- 03:04
Bob Peterson
All right, okay, you know, last chance, and I will check with the police on this. Do you have a criminal record?
- 03:11
Jeff Montgomery
Absolutely not. Look, if I am guilty of any crime, It's the crime of sexually assaulting five teenagers.
- 03:30
Jeff Montgomery
Okay, now this is gonna sound like a terrible segue, but are you looking for a babysitter?
- 03:36
Jeff Montgomery
Happy Halloween! What?!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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