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Glengarry Glen Christmas: Elf Motivation
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
With Christmas approaching and their tools falling apart, Santa’s elves are summoned to hear Winter’s Breath, a visiting enforcer who treats toy making like cutthroat sales. He threatens their jobs, dangles better equipment and prizes, and flaunts his own success while dismissing every complaint. The intimidation builds until a sudden reminder about holiday bonuses sends the anxious workshop back into celebration.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Put that cocoa down!
Always be cobbling.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Seth Meyers
Writer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Baldwin briefly substitutes the film’s sales slogan for the elf version before correcting himself on air.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Elf
So what's this meeting about?
- 00:05
Elf
I don't know. It better be about our tools. My hammer is falling apart in my hands.
- 00:09
Elf
Elves can't build with tools like this.
- 00:12
Elf
I'll never be done with my toys by Christmas.
- 00:15
Head Elf
Everyone, settle down. This is Winter's Breath. He's an elf from the home office.
- 00:22
Winter's Breath
Can I have your attention for a moment? Because you're talking about what? You're talking about the hammer? You're talking about the quality of your wood? Some pixie you're trying to screw? Let's talk about something important.
- 00:33
Winter's Breath
put that cocoa down cocoa is for cobblers only
- 00:42
Winter's Breath
you think I'm screwing around I am NOT screwing around I am here from Kris Kringle I'm here from the North Pole and I am on a mission of mercy
- 00:50
Winter's Breath
your name is honeydew
- 00:51
Honeydew
yeah
- 00:52
Winter's Breath
did you call yourself an elf you son of a bitch
- 00:56
Honeydew
Hey, I don't have to listen
- 00:58
Winter's Breath
you certainly don't pal because the good news is you're fired the bad news is you've got, oh, you've got one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight's build.
- 01:09
Winter's Breath
Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. Because we're adding a little something to this month's toy contest. As you know, first prize is a shiny new toboggan. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a box of candy canes. Third prize is you're fired.
- 01:26
Winter's Breath
Everybody get the picture. You laughing now? Huh? You got tools. Santa paid good money for those tools. You can't build with the tools you have. You can't build garbage. You are garbage hit the bricks pal and beat it because you are going out
- 01:43
Elf
Our tools are weak
- 01:44
Winter's Breath
your tools are weak. The effing tools are weak. You're weak. I've been in this business for six hundred and fifteen years
- 01:52
Elf
Hey, what's your name?
- 01:54
Winter's Breath
Screw you that's And you want to know why mister because you wrote a hedgehog to work and I got here on a talking moose that's my
- 02:07
Winter's Breath
Remember, boys and girls, always, A, always, B, B, C, closing. Always be cobbling, always be cobbling.
- 02:18
Elf
That's That's incredible.
- 02:29
Winter's Breath
What's the problem, pal?
- 02:30
Elf
Well, I mean, you're such a hero, you're so rich, why are you coming down here and wasting your time with a bunch of bums?
- 02:35
Winter's Breath
You see this gumdrop? You see this gumdrop? This gumdrop costs more than the mushroom you call a house. You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing.
- 02:46
Winter's Breath
Nice guy, I don't care. Good father, elf you. Go home and play with your kids.
- 02:51
Winter's Breath
You want to work here? Cobble. I can sit here tonight with the tools you got, make myself 15 train sets tonight in two hours. Can you? Can you?
- 03:01
No. No.
- 03:04
Winter's Breath
Get mad, you sons of bitches! Get mad! You know what it takes to be one of Santa's elves? It takes brass balls to be an elf.
- 03:15
Winter's Breath
The tools are out there. Build with the tools, you know? I got no sympathy for you. And you know what you'll be saying? Bunch of losers sitting around the reindeer shed drinking fermented dew out of acorn caps. Oh, yeah. I used to be one of Santa's elves. It's a tough racket.
- 03:31
Winter's Breath
These are the new tools. These are the new Glengarry line of power tools. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for cobblers.
- 03:46
Winter's Breath
I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.
- 03:49
Winter's Breath
And to answer your question, pal, I'm here because Santa asked me to be here as a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your elfin ass because a loser is a loser.
- 04:00
Winter's Breath
Oh, and one more thing, you all get holiday bonuses, it's still Christmas.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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