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The Apprentice Halloween Promo
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On a set dressed with pumpkins and skeletons, a director tries to record a Halloween promo for The Apprentice with Donald Trump, who is wearing a vampire cape. Trump explains basic filmmaking to the crew, insists the spot will set ratings records and stalls the first take over the countdown. His stiff reading forces retakes: he asks for lines to be spliced together, ad-libs, and reinvents himself as Count Trumpula with a vampire accent. He then pitches an effects-heavy finale of shattering glass, bats and a fanged NBC peacock until the director calls a wrap because the promo has to air that night, and Trump leaves with equally detailed instructions for his elevator ride down.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Unlike Frankenstein, I am not afraid of fire-ing any of them.
Hello, this is Count Trumpula.
Maybe at the end we can get, you know, Steven Tyler to do a guitar thing.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This promo aired in the October 23, 2004 episode hosted by Jude Law, the same broadcast in which musical guest Ashlee Simpson's lip-syncing was exposed.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Speaker 1
Okay, uh, Mr. Trump, if you could just step on your mark. Did you, uh, did you get a chance to see the script?
- 00:17
Donald Trump
Here's how I want this commercial to go. I want to say the words from the script into the camera while you film it. Then you're going to edit it to exactly 30 seconds, which is going to be hard, because there's going to be a lot of good stuff.
- 00:30
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's how we usually do it.
- 00:33
Donald Trump
Then you're going to air it, and it's going to get the highest ratings of any promo in the history of NBC, NBC, not to mention the history of television.
- 00:40
Speaker 1
Promos actually don't get ratings, so...
- 00:42
Donald Trump
Let's do this.
- 00:43
Speaker 1
Okay. Here we go. In five, four, three, two... Um... Mr. Trump, is something wrong?
- 00:58
Donald Trump
You didn't say one.
- 01:00
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. Sorry, we don't usually say one because you may hear it on the tape.
- 01:05
Donald Trump
All right, here's what you're gonna do. I want you to count backwards from five, and when you get to one, you won't say it, and that way, you won't hear it on the tape. Then you'll point to me, and then I'll begin saying my lines, and then you will take what we just recorded...
- 01:18
Speaker 1
Yes, we get it.
- 01:19
Donald Trump
Good. Thank you.
- 01:21
Speaker 1
In five, four, three, two, one.
- 01:29
Donald Trump
Hello, this is the Donald from Trumpsylvania telling you to watch this week's special Halloween episode of The Apprentice. These contestants are gonna be shaking in their suits because unlike Frankenstein, I am not afraid of fire, een, any of them. Moo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha.
- 01:51
Speaker 1
That was great. Um, Mr. Trump, we should probably do that again.
- 02:08
Donald Trump
I think we should do it again. I didn't point when I said The Apprentice.
- 02:12
Speaker 1
Okay, so let's try it again, and at the end, it's sort of like an evil villain laugh, like, moo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- 02:19
Donald Trump
All right, you just watch what I do. I think you'll find it very professional.
- 02:24
Speaker 1
Great. Here we go. In five, four, three, two, one.
- 02:31
Donald Trump
Hello, this is the Donald from Trumpsylvania, and you've already got this part on tape, so you can splice it and moo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Hey, hey, hey, hey, The Apprentice.
- 02:51
Speaker 1
Mr. Trump, we can't really splice that middle part, so we're gonna have to do it again.
- 02:56
Donald Trump
Okay, but this time I'm gonna freestyle it like I did on that Visa commercial, which by the way got tremendous ratings And so will this promo.
- 03:03
Speaker 1
Yeah, but once again, you know promos don't get ratings. Five, four, three, two, one.
- 03:10
Donald Trump
Hello, this is Count Trumpula. I want to suck your blood, but I won't if you botch the apprentice this feek. Moo hoo, moo hoo hoo, moo hoo hoo hoo. And then right here, I'm going to stand. And I want you to do some fancy graphic thing where I break into pieces like glass, and then every piece turns into a real bat, and every bat flies away.
- 03:48
Speaker 1
Ah, Mr. Trump.
- 03:49
Donald Trump
And then the last bat turns into the NBC peacock, but with fangs, and maybe at the end we can get, you know, Steven Tyler do a guitar thing.
- 03:57
Speaker 1
Mr. Trump, we have to play this on the air tonight, so I think we're done.
- 04:00
Donald Trump
I think we're done. Great. This turned out fantastic. This commercial's going to be huge. Huge. And I think we're going to get a real impressive rating on the rerun, too.
- 04:11
Speaker 1
Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, you can actually leave the Dracula cave here.
- 04:16
Donald Trump
Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave the cave.
- 04:19
Speaker 1
Great.
- 04:20
Donald Trump
Then I'm going to go use the john.
- 04:21
Speaker 1
Okay.
- 04:21
Donald Trump
Then I'm going to get in the elevator.
- 04:23
Speaker 1
Uh-huh.
- 04:23
Donald Trump
And I want it to lower me to the lobby, all right? Lower me all the way down to the lobby, okay? I like the numbers. I want them to light up as we go down. Five, four, three, two, one. And then I walk out, and then I want the car to have Derek Jeter in it and all of that.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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