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Debbie Downer: Thanksgiving Dinner
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a family Thanksgiving dinner, Debbie Downer (Rachel Dratch) answers every pleasant remark with a bleak fact. Small talk about traffic, wine and the Pilgrims turns to typhoons, bird flu and smallpox, a toast to the late grandmother turns to dementia, and Uncle Frank (Horatio Sanz) learns that his stuffing cooked inside the bird is a breeding ground for bacteria. When Michelle’s new boyfriend Mark (Luke Wilson) proposes to Michelle (Amy Poehler), Debbie asks whether he considered the lives lost to the African diamond trade. Mark finally loses patience and recounts her earlier commentary on Al Qaeda and feline AIDS during the parade. The couple leave to eat in the TV room, the rest of the relatives drift away, and Debbie, alone with the turkey, watches it stand up and walk off the table as well.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Did you factor in the loss of life at the hands of the African diamond industry?
It’s the number one killer of domestic cats.
Well, I guess it’s just you and me, Mr. Turkey.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This is the third Debbie Downer sketch, from the November 20, 2004 episode hosted by Luke Wilson. Paula Pell and Rachel Dratch created the character, and SNL Archives credits Horatio Sanz’s Uncle Frank in both this installment and the October 2, 2004 season premiere.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
And, you know, most of all, I'm just thankful for being home for the holidays.
- 00:07
Mark
You know, I'm just thankful that I met Michelle this year. And now I get to spend Thanksgiving with your family. You know, I'm really looking forward to getting to know you guys.
- 00:16
Debbie Downer
I'm thankful that someone in this family has a date. I was going to bring a guy I met on Match.com, but after we exchanged photos, I never heard from him again.
- 00:29
You're enjoying your day, everything's going your way. Then along comes Debbie Downer Always there to tell you about a new disease A car accident or a killer beast We beg her to spare you, Debbie, please But you can't stop Debbie Downer
- 00:46
Fred Armisen
Hey, can you pass some of that turkey? Oh, it looks juicy.
- 00:50
Uncle Frank
I'm sorry, I thought it was all mine.
- 00:53
Fred Armisen
Boy, the traffic was a disaster coming up, huh?
- 00:56
Seth Meyers
Oh, yeah.
- 00:57
Debbie Downer
Nothing compared to the disaster the Chinese are going through.
- 01:00
What? What?
- 01:06
What?
- 01:07
Debbie Downer
They're still digging out from typhoon season, just in time for the bird flu to take even more lives.
- 01:13
Uncle Frank
who wants some more wine
- 01:19
Debbie Downer
I'd love some.
- 01:20
Uncle Frank
Okay.
- 01:21
Uncle Frank
Hey, do you guys think the Pilgrims brought a bottle of Pinot Grigio to the first Thanksgiving?
- 01:27
Debbie Downer
I'll tell you what the Pilgrims did bring. Smallpox. Killed scores of Native Americans, ravaging their population.
- 01:37
Debbie Downer
And that was before we got around to shattering their spirit.
- 01:47
Michelle
Sweetheart, you look cute in that tie.
- 01:49
Mark
Hey, you should see me in my underwear.
- 01:52
Debbie Downer
Did you guys get tested?
- 01:57
Mark
What?
- 01:58
Debbie Downer
Well, you know, you think you know someone, then you see that Oprah about living on the down low.
- 02:07
Fred Armisen
I'd like to propose a toast.
- 02:09
all right okay
- 02:09
Fred Armisen
I'd like to welcome mark we're very happy to be here also like us all to remember grandma I'm sure she's looking down on us and smiling
- 02:16
Debbie Downer
I hope it's the version of her before she was in the grips of dementia she'd just be confused
- 02:28
Mark
well I'm sure grandma was a great lady and really loved you
- 02:34
Debbie Downer
know most of you
- 02:34
Mark
I could you have passed the stuffing
- 02:37
Debbie Downer
sure
- 02:38
Fred Armisen
Debbie stuffing
- 02:39
Debbie Downer
hey Frank Frank, did you cook this in the bird?
- 02:43
Uncle Frank
Yeah, soaks up all the juices.
- 02:45
Debbie Downer
Also soaks up an array of harmful bacteria, creating a breeding ground for food-borne illnesses.
- 02:58
Mark
Hey, can I say something? I just want to say that I've never been happier than I am right now, and I never want this feeling to end, so.
- 03:07
Michelle
Oh. my god, Mark!
- 03:13
Mark
Michelle, will you marry me?
- 03:14
Michelle
Michelle, of course, yes!
- 03:16
Yeah!
- 03:17
Seth Meyers
Michelle, let us see the ring. Oh, it's beautiful. Mark, this must have cost you a fortune.
- 03:22
Mark
Hey, just like they say, two months' salary.
- 03:25
Debbie Downer
Did you factor in the loss of life at the hands of the African diamond industry?
- 03:32
Mark
You know what, Debbie? I've known you for less than a day, but I've kind of had it with you. I mean, I never said a word when we were watching the parade and you told me everything I could ever wish to know about Al Qaeda, or when the Garfield float came by and you made that speech about feline AIDS.
- 03:48
Debbie Downer
it's the number one killer of domestic cats
- 03:50
and Meow.
- 03:54
Mark
that's very very sad but i don't want to talk about it during my marriage proposal
- 03:59
Michelle
come on mark we're gonna go eat in the tv room
- 04:01
Mark
excuse me
- 04:02
it's
- 04:09
Debbie Downer
Guess who's got eczema well i guess it's just you and me mr turkey you You know who's excited about christmas the credit card company
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One more couldn’t hurt.
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