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Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: The Slip and Fall
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Introduced as a mock TV series with absurd sponsor plugs, Keyrock delivers a closing argument for a client who slipped on a library sidewalk. He tells the jury that traffic, fax machines and the rest of the modern world bewilder his primitive mind, while letting slip that he drives a BMW, then demands millions in compensatory and punitive damages. The jury foreman declares that no deliberation is needed and awards the full amount, but Keyrock is busy on his cellphone and misses the verdict. A preview of next week shows him accepting a U.S. Senate nomination with his family beside him, repeating his caveman routine before revealing that his real priority is cutting the capital gains tax.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm just a caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me.
Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder, did little demons get inside and type it?
But there is one thing I do know. We must do everything in our power to lower the capital gains tax.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Jack Handey
Writer
Dave Wilson
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Keyrock's first appearance (SNL Archives counts this as Keyrock #1). The character was created by Jack Handey and played by Phil Hartman, and the series parodies the folksy "simple country lawyer" courtroom drama, such as Matlock, by making its hero a cynical yuppie. The sponsor plugs include Happy Fun Ball, the commercial parody that first aired on February 16, 1991.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Speaker 1
One hundred thousand years ago, a caveman was out hunting on the frozen wastes when he slipped and fell into a crevasse. In 1988, he was discovered by some scientists and thawed out. He then went to law school and became Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
- 00:21
Speaker 2
Be He used to be a caveman. He's a loyal caveman.
- 00:35
Speaker 1
Brought to you by Gas Plus. Actually gives you gas. for those times when you feel like being the Joker and by National Escort Service if we don't get a prostitute to your door within 15 minutes you don't pay and by happy fun ball still legal in 16 states it's happy it's fun it's happy fun ball and now tonight's episode of unfrozen caveman lawyer
- 01:03
The Judge
mr.
- 01:06
The Judge
Mr. key rock are Are you ready to give your summation?
- 01:11
Keyrock
It's just key rock, Your Honor, and, yes, I'm ready. Thank you.
- 01:17
Keyrock
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me.
- 01:34
Keyrock
Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic Make me want to get out of my BMW And run off into the hills or whatever Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine I wonder, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts But there is one thing I do know When a man, like my client it, slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than $2
- 02:16
Keyrock
million in compensatory damages and $2 million in punitive damages. Thank you.
- 02:27
The Judge
The jury will now retire to deliberate.
- 02:30
Jury Foreman
Your Honor, we don't need to retire. Kirok's words are just as true now as they were in his time. We give him the full amount.
- 02:48
The Judge
Did you hear that, Mr. Kirok?
- 02:51
Keyrock
Hang on a second. I'm sorry, Your Honor. I was listening to the magic voices coming out of this strange modern invention.
- 03:00
Speaker 1
This has been Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. Join us next week for another episode. Here's a scene.
- 03:06
Keyrock
Thank
- 03:11
Keyrock
Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you. First of all, let me say how happy I am to be your nominee for the United States Senate.
- 03:25
Keyrock
Thank you. You know, thank you. You know, I really don't understand your Congress or your system of checks and balances because, as I said during the campaign, I'm just a caveman.
- 03:42
Keyrock
I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by scientists. scientists, but there is one thing I do know. We must do everything in our power to lower the capital gains tax. Thank you!
- 03:57
Speaker 1
time on Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
The rabbit hole continues
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