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Victorian Ladies at Lunch
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Over an elegant table, four ladies in Regency-style gowns exchange pleasantries about their lunches and the speed of a new horse before their server Gerald arrives to describe the menu. Each dainty-sounding item is worse than it seems: blood pudding and pickled feet, eels smothered whole in jelly, clams left for a week in an open box, a boiled calf's head obtained with no regard for humanity, and a selection of birds chosen for being the most upsetting to eat. The ladies greet every revelation with delight, gleefully slurping eels and drinking animal blood while Gerald adds that the sandwiches and specials were made from small, beloved creatures in increasingly violent ways. After he takes a drinks order of donkey's milk with a pointed reminder about a past mix-up, the scene jumps ahead three hours, where the ladies admit that the meal has wrecked them all, layered dresses included. Undaunted, they consider ordering dinner, and a closing parody commercial for an upset-stomach remedy goes wrong when its announcer reads the ingredients.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
They arrived last Wednesday, and we've kept them in an open wooden box.
Bunnies and little turtles.
I went numbers two through seven.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Scarlett Johansson and the cast broke character during the sketch, with Johansson struggling most through the jellied-eel portion.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
And now, Victorian ladies at lunch.
- 00:04
Lady
It is so wonderful to see you all again. I do so treasure our lunches together. And your chef is magnificent. Look at this incredible feast.
- 00:17
Lady
Oh, I do say I'm as hungry as the horse that brought me over here.
- 00:22
Lady
And it's a new horse, I've heard. How fast is he again?
- 00:25
Lady
About one horsepower.
- 00:27
Lady
Oh!
- 00:29
Gerald
Hello, ladies. Ladies, is everything to your liking?
- 00:33
Lady
Well, I see blood pudding and pickles cows' feet, so I'm in heaven.
- 00:39
Gerald
Excellent.
- 00:41
Lady
And how are the jellied eels today?
- 00:43
Gerald
Oh, exquisite. We take the whole eel and just smother it in jelly.
- 00:48
Lady
I can't wait to taste that texture.
- 00:52
Lady
And the candied clams, are they fresh?
- 00:56
Gerald
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. They arrived last Wednesday, and we've kept them in an open wooden box.
- 01:04
Lady
And the boiled calf's head?
- 01:06
Gerald
Yes.
- 01:07
Lady
Was that a change in a humane fashion?
- 01:10
Gerald
Not at all.
- 01:12
Lady
What kind of birds will we be eating today?
- 01:17
Gerald
Oh, the most upsetting ones, my lady. Eagles, hummingbirds, penguins, and I believe we still have a few baby puffins.
- 01:25
Lady
Oh, no, not anymore, you don't. Yummy, yummy in my tummy.
- 01:33
Lady
And That the BLT works in again.
- 01:41
Gerald
Bunnies and little turtles.
- 01:44
Lady
And the turkey club. Or what was it, Cloud Twin?
- 01:48
Gerald
Why, the Bible, of course.
- 01:52
Lady
And what was that special on the menu? Panda Express?
- 01:57
Gerald
Ah, yes, it's a panda that we pushed in front of a train.
- 02:01
Lady
That's how I want to go!
- 02:06
Lady
This is all so delicious!
- 02:09
Lady
Indeed! Yummy, it's delicious! Indeed!
- 02:12
Lady
This is the Best forever blind I've ever had! about!
- 02:20
Lady
Wonderful! love, I love this hamster sashimi.
- 02:23
Gerald
Wonderful, wonderful Now, before I go, anything to drink?
- 02:29
Lady
Four brimming glasses of donkey's milk will do, right lady?
- 02:36
Lady
Indeed!
- 02:38
Lady
And that's donkey's milk, Gerald! Why don't make that mistake again.
- 02:45
Gerald
Well, you understand why it took so long last time!
- 02:51
Gerald
Bon appetit!
- 02:53
What did
- 03:07
Lady
So, what did everyone do after lunch?
- 03:12
Lady
To the bathroom.
- 03:15
Lady
I went to the bathroom as well.
- 03:18
Lady
I went numbers two through seven.
- 03:21
Lady
And how was it for everyone?
- 03:24
Lady
Mine was bad.
- 03:27
Lady
Mine was the worst it could be.
- 03:29
Lady
I was wearing so many layers and I did not get any of them off.
- 03:36
Lady
I think Jellied eel came out whole and jumped back into the sea.
- 03:43
Gerald
Yum, yum, yum! Are the ladies ready to order dinner?
- 03:48
Lady
I mean, I guess we could spit something small. Perhaps a hot dog?
- 03:53
Gerald
Wonderful. I'll get the poodle into the jacuzzi right away.
- 03:56
Lady
Oh, my God!
- 03:59
Pepto-Bismol. Settle down your stomach with the only medicine that's made with Oh, God, flamingos?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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