Ariana Grande Christmas Monologue

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   Speaker 1

   Ladies and gentlemen, Ariana Grande!

2. 00:28
   

   Ariana Grande

   Thank you, thank you, thank you very It is so good to be here tonight hosting the Christmas episode of SNL. The first Last time I hosted was a year ago and so many people have been asking me if I'll revisit any of my sketches from last time. Like, you know, Domingo.

3. 00:47
   

   Ariana Grande

   But I told them, I don't think so. When something is perfect, it doesn't need a sequel. That's That's why I just finished filming Meet the Parents 4.

4. 01:00
   

   Ariana Grande

   December is my favorite time of year in New York. I love the decorations, I love the snow on the ground, I love shopping for all of my loved ones, but I have to admit, I get a little stressed shopping for certain other people in my life. You know what I mean? Maybe you can relate.

5. 01:16
   

   Ariana Grande

   Oh, thank you. I don't know what to get for Christmas for my cousin's boyfriend, Steve. I don't know a thing about him All I see in the Christmas scene My cousin says that he's her rock I've never heard him talk Is a gift card or...

6. 01:56
   

   Ariana Grande

   What do I get for Christmas for this dude? I've been shocked a lot for Christmas, because my schedule's never free.

7. 02:41
   

   Ariana Grande

   Oh, Steve, Steve, I'm sorry, it's Steve. But I'm serious. All I want for Christmas is to know what to get for the people that I don't know that well. All suggestions are welcome.

8. 02:50
   

   Bowen Yang

   I can help you, Ari.

9. 02:52
   

   Ariana Grande

   Can I I just say how much I loved your Lion and Wicked?

10. 03:12
    

    Bowen Yang

    Thank you.

11. 03:13
    

    Ariana Grande

    You're welcome.

12. 03:14
    

    Bowen Yang

    No, no, that was my line in the movie. Thank you.

13. 03:16
    

    Ariana Grande

    Well, that was really good.

14. 03:19
    

    Bowen Yang

    What about a bath massage coupon?

15. 03:23
    

    Ariana Grande

    That could probably freak him out.

16. 03:26
    

    Bowen Yang

    How about a cameo from Matthew Morrison?

17. 03:29
    

    Ariana Grande

    That would be freak him out

18. 03:33
    

    Sarah Sherman

    Maybe he's footwear a... baddie

19. 03:36
    

    Ariana Grande

    These are clearly women's bras

20. 03:39
    

    Kenan Thompson

    Overnight A knife, a box of raw oil. -♪

21. 03:43
    

    Ariana Grande

    Set him into a phylactic shock

22. 03:46
    

    Chloe Fineman

    A brand-new suit from Big and Tall

23. 03:49
    

    Ariana Grande

    My cousin's bullet was short and small

24. 03:53
    

    Veronika Slowikowska

    A bottle of Kirkland shampoo

25. 03:56
    

    Ariana Grande

    What'd I get for Christmas for this dude? -♪ -♪

26. 04:04
    

    Bowen Yang

    Every Christmas, all these people on my list

27. 04:11
    

    Ariana Grande

    have to get something for all my therapists.

28. 04:16
    

    Bowen Yang

    And my fave barista. And my secret sister.

29. 04:23
    

    Ariana Grande

    I also have to get about 25 gifts for all the gay guys who do my hair.

30. 04:30
    

    Ariana Grande

    Is it wrong to just buy socks?

31. 04:33
    

    Bowen Yang

    Oh he is really into feet TikToks.

32. 04:37
    

    Ariana Grande

    See about that, know.

33. 04:42
    

    Marcello Hernandez

    Arianna. Arianna, wait, wait, wait.

34. 04:45
    

    Ariana Grande

    Marcelo, what is it?

35. 04:46
    

    Marcello Hernandez

    I'll tell you.

36. 04:49
    

    Ariana Grande

    Yes, you are taller Taller than I thought.

37. 04:53
    

    Marcello Hernandez

    Something else.

38. 04:54
    

    Ariana Grande

    Something else, yeah.

39. 04:55
    

    Ariana Grande

    My cousin broke up with Steve, so he won't be at Christmas? Wow! Well, in that case... Oh!