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Adam Driver Monologue - Christmas List for Santa
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Back as host for a fourth time, Adam Driver explains that telling Santa his Christmas list is a private yearly ritual, but he will do it live because Santa still watches the show. Seated at a piano he insists he is really playing, he addresses Santa in deadpan: five pairs of chinos now that he has turned 40, an oversized electric pickup, an end to strangers blaming him for a famous Star Wars death, and the removal of couples who film pranks on each other. He quickly abandons a plan to play a carol while staring unblinkingly into the camera, muses about gingerbread houses and eggnog, then thanks Santa, offers his new film Ferrari as a present and finishes with a flourish on the keys before introducing musical guest Olivia Rodrigo.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I didn't kill Han Solo. Wokeness killed Han Solo.
You know those TikToks where it's like those couples who do pranks on each other? Can you kill those people?
Do you think a gingerbread man gets scared when he realizes that the house is made of his own skin?
Santa, thank you for listening. I look forward to you breaking into my house.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This was Adam Driver's fourth time hosting SNL; his third was on January 25, 2020. His aside that Santa hasn't liked the show since "Kattan left" refers to former cast member Chris Kattan. NBC Insider confirmed that Driver, who grew up singing in church choirs and playing piano, really plays the piano in the monologue. His closing gift to Santa is a plug for his film Ferrari, which was opening that Christmas.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Schreiber!
- 00:04
Adam Driver
Thank Thank you, thank you, you, thank you, thank you very much. I'm so excited to be back!
- 00:31
Adam Driver
Especially, I have to say, especially during this time of year. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. The food, the music, the family. But largely, it's because I have a very deep and personal relationship with Santa.
- 00:46
Adam Driver
And every year I make my Christmas list and I tell it to him. It's kind of our ritual and usually I do it in private, you know, but since we're here and I know Santa watches SNL, he hasn't liked it since Catan left.
- 01:00
Adam Driver
But if you don't mind, I'd like to make my Christmas list right now, if that's okay.
- 01:07
Adam Driver
I'll take that. I'll take that. Okay. The piano is part of the ritual. He loves hearing me play, and it's actually me playing. Can we get a close-up of my hands?
- 01:18
Adam Driver
See, they're very big. Very big hands. I mean, that's pretty good, huh? Oh.
- 01:35
Adam Driver
Okay, thank you. If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Santa now.
- 01:46
Adam Driver
Hey, Santa! All right, we're on TV. Hey, Santa. It's me, Adam. Driver. From the nice list. And also girls.
- 02:03
Adam Driver
I turned 40 this year, Santa. So I'd like five pairs of chinos. I also want one of those giant metal Tesla trucks. I think it would pair perfectly with my teeny-tiny micro-penis.
- 02:18
Adam Driver
Oh, and I'd like people to stop coming up to me on the street saying, you killed Han Solo. I didn't kill Han Solo. Wokeness killed Han Solo.
- 02:28
Adam Driver
Let's see, what else do I want? Oh, you know those TikToks where it's like those couples who do pranks on each other? Can you kill those people?
- 02:40
Adam Driver
I know, I know. Okay, I was just going to say, now it's part of the ritual where I play O Holy Night while making unbreakable eye contact with the camera.
- 02:59
Adam Driver
Actually, that's really hard. I'm not going to do that anymore. oh Oh, you you know what I want for Christmas? It's a gingerbread house.
- 03:11
Adam Driver
Hey, do you think a gingerbread man gets scared when he realizes that the house is made of his own skin? That's a cute one. You can tell your kids that one.
- 03:20
Adam Driver
Oh, I should also say, as an aside, another thing I love about Christmas is eggnog. It's my favorite way to have egg. whenever I go to a diner and they say how would you like your eggs I say nod okay well Santa thank you for listening I look forward to you breaking into my house oh and actually I forgot totally forgot I I got you a gift this year it's my new movie Ferrari which opens Christmas and a big finish
- 03:51
Adam Driver
-♪ It's almost done. -♪ Merry Christmas, Santa! We've got a great show for you tonight. Olivia Rodrigo is here! So stick around. We'll be right back. Back.
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