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Beep Beep
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The funny people
Meet the cast. 10
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm a little car right now.
Bought it used too, from Stuart Little.
But I could go bang bang.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a Christmas potluck, host Mark and arriving guest Carl both insist on getting their dishes to the table first. Their polite beeping becomes a stubborn contest of imaginary cars, threats, and wounded pride. The other guests are afraid to intervene, until a neighbor arrives with yams and a much more forceful way to clear a path.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Andrew Dismukes
Writer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Dismukes said the premise began as a note on his phone, inspired by his father's habit of beeping his way past people. He described turning that gentle expression into a tough-guy standoff.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Party guest
Parker, Jackson, quit running around your aunt's house.
- 00:06
Jeanie
Oh, they're fine.
- 00:07
Greg
Hey, Jeanie, not to be a pig, but you got an ETA on dinner time?
- 00:10
Party guest
Yeah, everything looks so good. What can we eat?
- 00:13
Jeanie
Well, don't ask me. That's Mark's department.
- 00:16
Mark
Ah, oh, beep-beep. Let me just scoot right past you.
- 00:20
Party guest
Sorry, Mark.
- 00:21
Mark
That's all right. No, everything's fine. All good.
- 00:24
Greg
Hey, Mark, how much longer you think till we eat, huh?
- 00:26
Mark
Well, all the food's here, so as soon as Betty and Carl get here, we can get started, okay?
- 00:31
Greg
Okay. All right.
- 00:33
Party guest
Well, if that ham goes missing, Greg did it.
- 00:36
Party guest
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.
- 00:41
Carl
Merry Christmas to all. Sorry we're late.
- 00:44
Jeanie
Oh, don't be. You didn't miss nothing. We were just about to start.
- 00:48
Carl
Oh. Beep, beep. Let me get rid of that.
- 00:50
Mark
Oh, I'm sorry, Carl.
- 00:52
Carl
Hey, it's all good. Just going to grab one more out the car.
- 00:54
Jeanie
Oh. Oh, good. Okay. Well, let me get you a drink, Betty. Over here.
- 00:59
Mark
Hey. Oh. Oh! Oh! Beep, beep. Oh!
- 01:03
Carl
Beep, beep. I mean, just go right past you.
- 01:06
Mark
I feel like I'm in traffic.
- 01:08
Jeanie
Oh. Hey, Betty girl, let me tell you, best part of the holidays is drinking during the day.
- 01:14
Betty
Honey, why wait for the holidays?
- 01:16
Jeanie
Cheers to that.
- 01:18
Mark
Oh! Sorry about that. And oh! Beep, beep. Oh!
- 01:28
Carl
Beep, beep.
- 01:31
Mark
Hi. Beep, beep. Just gonna go right in there.
- 01:36
Carl
huh? Beep, beep. Let me just screw right past you real quick.
- 01:46
Jeanie
Um... I'm sorry, boys. Is everything alright?
- 01:50
Mark
Everything's fine, sweetie. I said... Beep, beep.
- 01:59
Carl
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I said... Beep, beep.
- 02:04
Mark
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't think you understand See, I'm a little car right now And I'm honking at you with my little horn beep beep.
- 02:16
Carl
Well, that's interesting Cause I'm in a little car too A car way littler than yours
- 02:24
Mark
I'm so little, got my knees up to my chest
- 02:28
Carl
Little tires the size of buttons
- 02:30
Party guest
No, stop
- 02:31
Carl
Bought it used too From Stuart Little
- 02:36
Mark
Oh, oh, I want to see. I see. So you want to die tonight?
- 02:41
Jeanie
Oh, this is insane.
- 02:44
Party guest
We in the room!
- 02:46
Betty
Please do something! They'll kill each other!
- 02:50
Greg
cannot get involved. When two guys who go beep-beep get in each other's way, getting between them is a surefire way to lose a hand.
- 02:59
Party guest
It's like getting between two falcons, two wolves, two condors. They'll bite your hand clean off.
- 03:05
Greg
One of them must yield to the other's beep-beep.
- 03:10
Jeanie
beep or or what
- 03:13
Greg
fight to the death
- 03:17
Mark
you see this is my house son and in my house when I say beep beep excuse me coming through just let me just scoot right past you you better move
- 03:31
Carl
well my daddy didn't raise no move he raised the beep beep watch out coming up behind you let me just squeeze right by you right quick
- 03:39
Mark
you know what I want you to say beep beep I want you to say and one more time, see if I don't drive my little car right up your ass like Ms. Frizzle.
- 03:48
Jeanie
I almost forgot, I invited the neighbors.
- 03:54
Neighbor with yams
Hey folks, I brought some yams.
- 03:56
Neighbor
His yams are amazing.
- 03:59
Neighbor with yams
Beep, beep, let me just come over here.
- 04:01
Mark
Hold on one second. Where do you think you're going?
- 04:05
Neighbor with yams
I said, beep, beep. Cause first I say beep, beep. But I could go bang, bang. We cool?
- 04:18
Carl
Yeah, we cool.
- 04:20
Neighbor with yams
That's right. BEEP, BEEP.
- 04:23
Party guest
EWWW.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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