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American Households Cold Open
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On a snowy storybook set, Frosty the Snowman promises that Americans share more than they realize and patches in hacked home cameras from three holiday dinners. A liberal San Francisco mother toasts the impeachment of Donald Trump while her daughter begs for no politics, a conservative Charleston father calls the whole thing a coup, and an Atlanta father would rather argue about Bad Boys 3 and The Masked Singer, though he warns his son that Trump could easily win again. The households clash over Christmas songs for Alexa, check their phones as Trump retweets a San Francisco joke without getting it and rewards a Charleston insult with a judicial nomination, and say grace to three very different versions of Jesus. Frosty then reveals what the families really have in common: none of them live in the handful of swing states that will decide the election. Greta Thunberg interrupts with her own Christmas message, warning that the snowman will soon melt and the elves will drown, before daring Trump to step to her as the pair open the show.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 13
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Alexa, play the politically correct version of Baby, It's Cold Outside.
Thank you, Lord, for the not one, not two, but three black quarterbacks who have beat Tom Brady this season.
In ten years, this snowman won't exist.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Vox noted that Kate McKinnon's Greta Thunberg appeared shortly after Time named Thunberg its Person of the Year, a choice Donald Trump mocked on Twitter.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:09
Aidy Bryant
Well, well, well, it Well, it is almost Christmas, and folks in America seem more divided than ever. But if we listened in to some dinner conversations tonight, I bet we'd find out we have more in common than we realize. And now we can listen, because I hacked into three Nest home cams. So take a look.
- 00:31
Cecily Strong
I'm I'm so happy everyone flew here for the holidays, and I'm even more happy that they did it. They're impeaching Trump.
- 00:40
Daughter
Mom, come on. We said no politics tonight.
- 00:43
Bowen Yang ?
I don't know what took them so long. Trump is a criminal.
- 00:46
Kyle Mooney ?
He violated the Constitution, and there has to be consequences.
- 00:49
Daughter ?
Here we go.
- 00:54
Beck Bennett
Well, they did it. They're impeaching Trump.
- 00:56
Dad, stop.
- 00:58
Beck Bennett
I'm sorry. It's a disgrace. What crime did he even commit?
- 01:01
Heidi Gardner
Well, I guess the crime of being an alpha male who actually gets things done.
- 01:05
Chloe Fineman ?
Okay. The Democrats lost the election, so now they're attempting a coup.
- 01:11
Mikey Day ?
All right, here we go.
- 01:15
Chris Redd
Dad, come on. You're gonna rile everybody up.
- 01:18
Kenan Thompson
Well, I'm just asking. Y'all think Bad Boys 3 is gonna be good or not? I mean, it's got to be good. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence back together.
- 01:27
Chris Redd ?
Okay. Yeah, but is Martin Lawrence still Martin Lawrence?
- 01:30
Ego Nwodim
Hey, you're not too old to get a spanking. That's Martin Lawrence you're talking about.
- 01:35
Chris Redd
I hate to say this, but could we please talk about politics instead?
- 01:40
Kenan Thompson
Oh, you mean how Trump is definitely getting impeached and then definitely getting re-elected? I'm good.
- 01:46
Cecily Strong ?
I just don't understand who on Earth could vote for Trump for Trump after this.
- 01:50
Beck Bennett ?
How could anyone not vote for Trump after this?
- 01:54
Kenan Thompson
Who do you think is gonna get voted off the Masked Singer next week?
- 01:58
Ego Nwodim ?
I think it's the Fox.
- 01:59
Chris Redd ?
You mean Wayne Brady.
- 02:00
Kenan Thompson
What? It's obviously Jamie Foxx. Foxx. Jamie Foxx. It almost makes too much sense. I bet you Jamie Foxx could beat Trump.
- 02:09
Chris Redd
Dad, Trump's not gonna win, man. People aren't gonna vote for him again.
- 02:13
Kenan Thompson
What people? White people. If white people tell you I might not vote for Trump this time, you know what that's called, right? A lie. Nobody was gonna vote for Trump in 2016, either. And then guess who did? Everybody. Now, I see you got me worked up. I need a drink.
- 02:32
Cecily Strong ?
Well, I just need to say this, okay? If Obama did half the stuff Trump did, he would be in jail already.
- 02:37
Beck Bennett ?
The fact is, Obama did way worse stuff than Trump ever did, and they didn't impeach him.
- 02:42
Kenan Thompson
Can you believe they didn't kill Obama? I thought they was going to kill him for sure.
- 02:49
Guys, maybe we should put on some Christmas music to help everyone relax. Maybe you're right.
- 02:54
Heidi Gardner
Alexa, play Baby, It's Cold Outside.
- 02:57
Kevin
Alexa, play the politically correct version of Baby, It's Cold Outside.
- 03:02
Kenan Thompson
Alexa, play Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Michael Jackson.
- 03:05
Chris Redd ?
Damn!
- 03:07
Kenan Thompson
All right, all right. Alexa, play Santa Claus is Coming to Town by the Jackson 5. That's better.
- 03:13
Cecily Strong
I MEAN, I DON'T LIKE ALL THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES, BUT I'D TAKE ANY OF THEM OVER FOUR MORE YEARS OF TRUMP.
- 03:19
Beck Bennett ?
I DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING TRUMP IS DOING, BUT HE'S WAY BETTER THAN ANY OF THOSE DEMOCRATS.
- 03:24
Kenan Thompson
YOU KNOW WHO I'M STARTING TO LIKE A LOT? THAT PETE BUTTIGIEG.
- 03:28
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
- 03:31
Chris Redd ?
JUST THAT ONE. OKAY, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, THEN.
- 03:34
Kenan Thompson ?
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE.
- 03:36
Cecily Strong
OH, MY GOD. I JUST GOT A NOTIFICATION. ALL RIGHT, I TWEETED A PHOTO OF TRUMP'S HEAD ON THE BODY OF THE SHARMAN BEAR, and he didn't realize it was a joke, and he retweeted it.
- 03:47
Beck Bennett
-"Oh, my God. I tweeted that Nancy Pelosi was a libtard commie, and Trump retweeted it, and he nominated me to be a federal judge."
- 03:55
Kenan Thompson
-"Oh, my God. Cory Booker just retweeted me, and nobody noticed."
- 04:01
Kyle Mooney
-"Hey, why don't we all say a secular blessing of thanks? Kevin, you want to lead us?"
- 04:05
Kevin
-"I'd love to. Dear gender-neutral spirits..."
- 04:10
Beck Bennett
-"Dear original American Jesus..."
- 04:13
Kenan Thompson
Dear historically correct black Jesus,
- 04:16
Beck Bennett
thank you for no more kneeling in the NFL. That was very hard for me.
- 04:22
Kenan Thompson
Thank you, Lord, for the not one, not two, but three black quarterbacks who have beat Tom Brady this season. Kyla Kaepernick, you move in mysterious ways.
- 04:35
Thank you for the Super Bowl halftime show, and that said...
- 04:39
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
- 04:47
Aidy Bryant
Now those three families may seem different, but you see, they have one important thing in common. They live in states where their votes don't matter, because none of them live in the three states that will decide our election. They'll debate the issues all year long, but then it all comes down to a thousand people in Wisconsin who won't even think about the election till the morning of. And that's the magic of the Electoral College.
- 05:15
Greta Thunberg
Hello. My name is Greta Thunberg, and I also have a Christmas message. In ten years, this snowman won't exist. Her home will be a puddle. Santa, reindeer, the North Pole, all of it, gone. The ice caps will melt and the elves will drown.
- 05:36
Aidy Bryant ?
Greta!
- 05:37
Greta Thunberg
What? You said keep it light. So merry maybe our last Christmas to you all. And Donald Trump, step to me, and I'll come at you like a plastic straw comes at a turtle. I can't believe I'm saying this to a 70-year-old man, but grow up
- 05:56
and live in the air.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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