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Taco Math

Saturday Night Live 2017 Season 43 Episode 11

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Two friends vow to get smarter this year, then fall apart over how a buy-one-get-one-free taco deal works.

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Community rating

– / 10

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Highly quotable.

I'm, like, a week into this Brainwork app I downloaded.

Yeah, that's Cornelius. He brings me my homework, but he's actually pretty cool.

We're performing a surgery after this.

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Two friends at a Mexican restaurant trade New Year's resolutions about expanding their minds, boasting about the brain-training app they both use. When the waiter explains that tacos are buy one, get one free, a simple order turns into a spiral of confusion over whose taco is the free one, with one of them even agreeing to eat a meat she feels guilty about. They fall back on an app that illustrates the problem with blue squares and red cars, which explains nothing. A stranger at another table steps in to pay for everything, but the friends insist the deal is only for one taco, and they finally escape further questions by claiming they have to leave for a surgery.

ScriptEnglish · 51 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:00
Heidi Gardner
So, yeah, the holidays were fun, but I'm glad to be back in L.A., and I'm ready to kill it this New Year.
00:06
Jessica Chastain
Well, yeah, I have such a good feeling about 2018. I've already started reading a book. My resolution was to expand my mind.
00:13
Heidi Gardner
Oh, my God, so was mine. I'm, like, a week into this Brainwork app I downloaded. It's just, like, 30 seconds a day of math, 10 seconds of a word search, and 20 seconds of shapes. It's, like, one minute a day, and I'm already smarter.
00:25
Jessica Chastain
That's amazing. Those apps really work.
00:27
Mikey Day
Hey, ladies, did you decide what you wanted?
00:30
Heidi Gardner
Uh, yes. I'm gonna have a bean tostada and a chicken taco.
00:34
Mikey Day
Okay. Tacos are buy one, get one free. So do you want another taco? It's free.
00:39
Heidi Gardner
I mean, I might waste it, but okay. I'll just get another chicken taco.
00:43
Mikey Day
Okay. And for you?
00:44
Jessica Chastain
I'll have a cheese enchilada and a hard-shell beef taco.
00:47
Mikey Day
Okay. You guys could do that deal together, then.
00:50
Heidi Gardner
Wait, what?
00:51
Mikey Day
Um, she could have your taco.
00:53
Jessica Chastain
Did you want a beef taco?
00:55
Heidi Gardner
No, I wanted chicken.
00:57
Mikey Day
Yeah, she'd just be getting your beef one for free.
01:00
Jessica Chastain
But she wanted beef. I ordered a hard-shelled beef taco.
01:05
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah. You would get her free taco.
01:08
Mikey Day
Wait, I'm so confused.
01:10
Heidi Gardner
Me, too.
01:11
Mikey Day
You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll just put it in.
01:14
Heidi Gardner
No, wait, let me think, because I'm trying to use my brain more.
01:17
Mikey Day
Okay, great.
01:18
Heidi Gardner
Oh, oh, I get it. But I'm getting two chicken. Are you cool with a chicken taco?
01:25
Jessica Chastain
That's, like, the one meat I feel bad about. I had a pet chicken when I was little, and we were really close. But if I have to...
01:32
Mikey Day
No, you don't have to. You can still get beef.
01:36
Jessica Chastain
I'm, like, so confused.
01:38
Heidi Gardner
Wait, I can do this. Hold on. Did you want beef?
01:44
Jessica Chastain
Usually I would, but I ate all this raw hamburger last weekend, and I got really sick.
01:49
Heidi Gardner
Why'd you do that?
01:51
Jessica Chastain
I was, like, being funny. But, I mean, I've literally been throwing up beef for days. But, I mean, I feel bad. I can get beef. I can't promise I'll keep it down.
02:02
Heidi Gardner
I can...
02:03
Mikey Day
No, no, you don't have to get beef. You can still stick with your original chicken.
02:08
Heidi Gardner
Oh, my God. I, like, need my app for this. I don't... See, this is it. Aw, cute owl. Yeah, that's Cornelius. He brings me my homework, but he's actually pretty cool.
02:18
Mikey Day
Ladies, I can just...
02:20
Heidi Gardner
Excuse me. We got this. Okay, so, the blue square is the chicken taco, and if the red car is the beef taco... -...then the free taco would be...
02:33
Jessica Chastain
I I don't get it. -...I don't know what it is.
02:44
Mikey Day
Okay, it's easy. You're just getting her free taco, okay? So it's like you never ordered.
02:50
Jessica Chastain
But I did order. I was here. Did you not write it down?
02:52
Aidy Bryant
Hi. I couldn't help but overhear everything you've been saying, and I need for it to stop. So, I'm gonna pay for all your food, so now all the tacos are free.
03:05
Jessica Chastain
No, only one of them is free.
03:08
Heidi Gardner
So, thank you, but this is a private conversation.
03:11
Jessica Chastain
Oh, my God.
03:13
Heidi Gardner
You know, we actually might need another minute with the food.
03:16
Mikey Day
Okay. Uh, can I get your drinks? It's two-for-one margaritas.
03:20
Heidi Gardner
Oh, we can't drink. We're performing a surgery after this.
03:23
Jessica Chastain
Yeah, we're surgeons.
03:25
Mikey Day
-"You guys are surgeons?"
03:28
Jessica Chastain
-"What? You think women can't be surgeons?"
03:30
Heidi Gardner
-"Let's get out of here."
03:31
Mikey Day
-"No. No, let's not. Let's not. Let's not."