Family Dinner: Shrek

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01
   

   Claire

   Oh my gosh. Dad.

2. 00:03
   

   Scott

   Anyway, moral of the story, don't have a fender bender with the NBA's Penny Hardaway.

3. 00:08
   

   Justin

   Oh, wow. I can't believe that happened, Mr. Anderson.

4. 00:11
   

   Scott

   Call me Scott.

5. 00:12
   

   Mrs. Reed

   You know, Claire's told us so much about you, Justin. I think she likes you.

6. 00:18
   

   Claire

   Okay, Mom, that's enough.

7. 00:20
   

   Justin

   Oh, gosh, well, I like that pot roast, Mrs. Reed. And I'll tell you what, I feel at home with you guys already. You're so much fun.

8. 00:27
   

   Claire

   Aw, Justin.

9. 00:28
   

   Mrs. Reed

   Justin, well, you are just welcome to stay as long as you want. Although I will say we conk out at about nine. And occasionally when we get really wild, we watch a movie.

10. 00:40
    

    Scott

    We just rented Coco. Pixar film just won the Oscar. Phenomenal.

11. 00:45
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Yeah, best animated movie I've ever seen, hands down. Oh, and as for tomorrow, we can just...

12. 00:53
    

    Justin

    That's a good one. Oh, man.

13. 00:55
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Sorry, what?

14. 00:56
    

    Scott

    What? What is, Justin?

15. 00:58
    

    Justin

    Uh, your wife's joke. She just said that Coco was the best animated film she's ever seen. It made me laugh. That's all.

16. 01:04
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Oh, I-I wasn't joking, exactly.

17. 01:06
    

    Justin

    Oh, come on. No, it... It's Shrek. You ever heard of it? No, I'm serious. Shrek.

18. 01:16
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Oh, uh, yes. You know, I believe that we saw that one, right, honey?

19. 01:20
    

    Scott

    Maybe on a plane. Yeah. Pretty good. Is that your favorite, Justin?

20. 01:24
    

    Justin

    No, Scott, I'm a liar. Yes, it is my favorite. It's also the best. That's just a fact.

21. 01:32
    

    Claire

    It's okay, Justin.

22. 01:33
    

    Justin

    It's not okay. It's annoying.

23. 01:35
    

    Scott

    We just like the Pixars, that's all. Now, who would like some cran-apple pie?

24. 01:39
    

    Claire

    Ooh, I would. My dad makes the most amazing cran-apple pie.

25. 01:43
    

    Justin

    Sure, whatever. I'm sorry. You have seen Shrek, right?

26. 01:48
    

    Scott

    No, we've seen it.

27. 01:49
    

    Claire

    Justin, drop it.

28. 01:50
    

    Justin

    This is hilarious to me.

29. 01:51
    

    Justin

    Myers, Murphy, Diaz, Lithgow, a murderer's role of voice talent.

30. 01:55
    

    Justin

    Can you say the same for Coco? I doubt it.

31. 01:58
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Yeah, I don't know. I guess I just always found the whole ogre thing a little off-putting.

32. 02:04
    

    Justin

    No!

33. 02:05
    

    Claire

    Justin!

34. 02:06
    

    Justin

    You're wrong. You're wrong, and you're a stupid person.

35. 02:10
    

    Scott

    Easy, fella.

36. 02:11
    

    Mrs. Reed

    My goodness.

37. 02:11
    

    Justin

    Just whatever. Screw it. Where's that dumbass pot pie you were talking about?

38. 02:15
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Okay, what in the world is this about?

39. 02:18
    

    Justin

    I just don't like being bullied. That's all.

40. 02:21
    

    Scott

    All right, okay, I don't think anyone was bullying you exactly.

41. 02:25
    

    Justin

    Uh-huh, uh-huh. Everybody laugh at the guy whose favorite movie is Shrek. He must be an idiot.

42. 02:30
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Okay, well, I do not think you're an idiot at all, and I apologize if it came off that way.

43. 02:37
    

    Justin

    Apology rejected.

44. 02:40
    

    Claire

    Maybe we should just go.

45. 02:41
    

    Justin

    Why? I'm having a great time. Are you not having a great time, Scott?

46. 02:45
    

    Scott

    Oh, I'm not nuts about your tone, fella.

47. 02:47
    

    Justin

    I can't believe I have to defend a movie with three-hit sequels and a 4D Universal Studios ride.

48. 02:52
    

    Justin

    But let's all bend over backwards for Coco. Right, Scott?

49. 02:56
    

    Scott

    Easy, donkey. Okay, I'm kidding, Justin. Just trying to lighten the mood here. Do a little Shrek for you.

50. 03:04
    

    Justin

    Keep his name out of your mouth, you dumb son of a bitch.

51. 03:06
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Oh!

52. 03:07
    

    Justin

    Yeah! What? Fight me, buddy.

53. 03:10
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Okay, let's all just calm down.

54. 03:12
    

    Claire

    Justin, what the hell? You're earning the big surprise.

55. 03:15
    

    Mrs. Reed

    What surprise?

56. 03:16
    

    Claire

    We're engaged.

57. 03:18
    

    Scott

    What?

58. 03:19
    

    Justin

    Yeah, we're getting married, so you can both eat my butt. And guess who's officiating?

59. 03:24
    

    Scott

    Who, Shrek?

60. 03:25
    

    Justin

    No, dumbass. Shrek is CGI. What? It's Puss in Boots himself. Antonio Banderas. Ever heard of him?

61. 03:33
    

    Mrs. Reed

    I'm upset. I'm very upset now, and I'd like for you to leave.

62. 03:36
    

    Scott

    How the hell did you swing Antonio Banderas?

63. 03:39
    

    Justin

    It's called money! Everyone has a price, even Tony Banderas. What's yours? 30 bucks, you cheap ass?

64. 03:45
    

    Mrs. Reed

    Oh!

65. 03:46
    

    Scott

    That's it! I'm calling the police!

66. 03:48
    

    Justin

    Whoop-de-doo. Claire, let's leave.

67. 03:49
    

    Claire

    Um, I'm gonna stay. You can go, Justin.

68. 03:52
    

    Justin

    Wait. What? Baby, what'd I do?