Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01

   Speaker 1

   This is black jeopardy

2. 00:03
   

   Darnell Hayes

   What up what up what up welcome to black jeopardy the only TV game show where the audience is in church clothes I'm your host Darnell Hayes. Our contestants are Keely.

3. 00:20
   

   Keeley

   Hey

4. 00:22
   

   Darnell Hayes

   Shanice,

5. 00:23
   

   Shanice

   okay now

6. 00:24
   

   Darnell Hayes

   and Doug

7. 00:29
   

   Doug

   How are you doing sir?

8. 00:30
   

   Darnell Hayes

   Oh Doug, you sure you ready to play black javelin?

9. 00:36
   

   Doug

   They told me a fella can win some money, so let's win me some money. Get her done.

10. 00:41
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Well, I admire your confidence. Let's see our categories. We got big girls. Mmm, I don't know. You better. I'm gonna pray on this. They out here saying, and there's always white people. Okay, Keely, you're our returning champ. You pick.

11. 01:06
    

    Keeley

    Okay, let's do You Better for $200.

12. 01:09
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, the answer there, you need hot sauce, duck sauce, soy sauce, and safety pins. Keely.

13. 01:16
    

    Keeley

    What is, you better take your ass to the kitchen and look in the packet drawer?

14. 01:20
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, yeah, the packet drawer, yeah.

15. 01:23
    

    Doug

    Yeah, every kitchen's got one, you know.

16. 01:26
    

    Keeley

    Okay, let's stay with You Better for $400.

17. 01:29
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, the answer, your job wants to take $40 a month out of your check for a 401 . Shanice.

18. 01:36
    

    Shanice

    What is, you better give me that money so I can buy me some scratch-offs?

19. 01:39
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, you damn right. You damn right.

20. 01:42
    

    Shanice

    I mean, why do I need a retirement plan when I got Monopoly Millionaire's Club?

21. 01:46
    

    Doug

    Heck, I play that every week.

22. 01:48
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, well, that's good for you. Okay. The board is yours, Shanice.

23. 01:53
    

    Shanice

    Let's go with, they out there saying, for $200.

24. 01:57
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, LeAnza, they out here saying, the new iPhone wants your thumbprint for your protection. Oh, okay, then, Doug.

25. 02:04
    

    Doug

    What is it? I don't think so. That's how they get you.

26. 02:08
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yes! Yes,

27. 02:15
    

    Keeley

    I don't trust Dad.

28. 02:17
    

    Shanice

    Me, either.

29. 02:18
    

    Doug

    No, I read that goes straight to the government.

30. 02:19
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Mm. Well, that is not bad, Doug. The board is yours.

31. 02:26
    

    Doug

    Well, let's go over to... Mm, I don't know, for four.

32. 02:31
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, the answer there, he says his dog doesn't bite. Shanice.

33. 02:36
    

    Shanice

    What is, mm, Mm, I don't know. He got teeth, don't he?

34. 02:38
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, that's it. Anything with teeth, you know? Anything with teeth.

35. 02:43
    

    Shanice

    Let's stick with, mm, I don't know, for six.

36. 02:45
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay. Caitlyn Jenner says, she belongs on the cover of Essence magazine. Keely.

37. 02:52
    

    Keeley

    What is, mm, I don't know. You can't do everything.

38. 02:56
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, yeah, that's right. You know, I mean, there was a time.

39. 02:59

    Absolutely. There was a time. Oh, yeah, I remember, yeah.

40. 03:06
    

    Keeley

    Okay, Let's go to They Out Here Sayin' for eight.

41. 03:09
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, the answer there, they out here saying that every vote counts. Oh, Doug again.

42. 03:14
    

    Doug

    What is? Come on. They already decided who wins, even before it happens.

43. 03:18
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yes! That Yes! Yes! And the Illuminati figured out months ago. That's a number with the Dougs.

44. 03:28
    

    Doug

    Okay, we're doing it. Let's try they out here saying for sex.

45. 03:33
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, they out here saying this movie doesn't deserve an Oscar. Keely.

46. 03:39
    

    Keeley

    What is Tyler Perry's boo-a-madea Halloween?

47. 03:42
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, when that man puts on a muumuu, I'm just transported.

48. 03:48
    

    Doug

    You know, I got to tell you, I love those movies. I bought a box set at Walmart, and if I can laugh and pray in 90 minutes, that is money well spent.

49. 03:58
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Oh, you know what, sir? I really appreciate you saying that. I like that. I really do.

50. 04:01
    

    Doug

    Oh, no, no, I don't.

51. 04:02
    

    Darnell Hayes

    It's all good.

52. 04:03
    

    Doug

    Yeah, yeah, no, it's all good.

53. 04:05
    

    Darnell Hayes

    It's all good. Trust me, it's all good.

54. 04:07
    

    Doug

    Okay.

55. 04:07
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah.

56. 04:08
    

    Doug

    Yeah, it's all good.

57. 04:09
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah. Okay. Okay. Keely is your pick.

58. 04:16
    

    Keeley

    Let's go to YouBetterFor6.

59. 04:19
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, the answer. The mechanic says you owe $250 for new brake lines. Doug.

60. 04:25
    

    Doug

    What is, you better go to that dude in my neighborhood who'll fix anything for $40.

61. 04:28
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Why, you know Cecil?

62. 04:30
    

    Doug

    Yeah, but my Cecil's name is Jim, and he fixed my refrigerator, my air conditioner, and my car.

63. 04:34
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, yeah, everybody's got a guy. Well, you're all right, Doug. All right. Let's just take a moment and hear about today's prizes. Johnny?

64. 04:46

    Speaker 1

    Thanks, Darnell. Today's Black Jeopardy winner will receive the Good Chair. Granddaddy needs somewhere to sit. Give him the Good Chair. And car tape, the best tape for fixing your car. Car tape. It's done. Back to you, Darnell.

65. 05:00
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Well, Doug, I don't know what's going on, but the board is yours.

66. 05:05
    

    Doug

    Well, thank you so much, Darnell. You people are fun. Can I say that? Is that okay? Can I say that?

67. 05:12
    

    Darnell Hayes

    We'll give you a pass this time.

68. 05:15
    

    Doug

    Okay, let's go to big girls for $200.

69. 05:19
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Okay, and the answer there, skinny women can do this for you. Doug.

70. 05:24
    

    Doug

    What is not a damn thing?

71. 05:27
    

    Darnell Hayes

    You know, it goes, don't you? You know how it goes, don't you?

72. 05:30
    

    Doug

    Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my wife, my wife, she's a sturdy gal.

73. 05:39
    

    Darnell Hayes

    That is my man right there.

74. 05:42

    Yeah, go, Doug. Go, Doug. Go, Doug.

75. 05:44
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Oh, oh, oh. The sound of the broom hitting the ceiling below us means that the party has to stop. But, uh, Doug, I have to say, it has been a pleasure.

76. 05:57
    

    Doug

    Well, you know, right back at you, my brother.

77. 06:00
    

    Darnell Hayes

    All right, well, let's take a look at our final Jeopardy! category, Lives That Matter.

78. 06:11
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Well, it was good while it lasted, Doug.

79. 06:15
    

    Doug

    I know, I got a lot to say about this.

80. 06:17
    

    Darnell Hayes

    Yeah, I'm sure you do. When we come back, we'll play the national anthem and just see what the hell happens. We'll be right back.