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Weekend Update: Queen Shenequa on Kwanzaa
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Queen Shenequa joins Kevin Nealon at the Weekend Update desk with a greeting he struggles to repeat. She offers her own comic translation of Kwanzaa and contrasts childhood Christmas expectations with life in a housing project. Her holiday prayer list becomes an attack on Michael Jackson’s changing image and Milli Vanilli’s lip-sync scandal. She then turns serious about Nelson Mandela’s visit to the United Nations, before joking about the amount of praying ahead. Nealon keeps trying to master her greeting.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Santa don't come to my house.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Weekend Update Anchor
Ladies and gentlemen, here with our holiday update is SNL's soul sister number one, Queen Shaniqua. Queen Shaniqua.
- 00:07
What
- 00:11
Queen Shenequa
Thank you, Kevin. Or should did I say? Ah-san-tee-san-ee, Ah-bah-ree-ga-nee.
- 00:17
Weekend Update Anchor
What? Ah-bah-ree? I'm sorry.
- 00:19
Queen Shenequa
It's Swahili. You know Swahili, the language that we speak in the Bronx? It's a greeting.
- 00:27
Weekend Update Anchor
Ah-ah-bah.
- 00:28
Queen Shenequa
Keep practicing. Hi, y'all, it's Queen Shaniqua back from Harlem where I learned all about Kwanzaa today. Kwanzaa is a Swahili word and it means Santa don't come to my house. So I'm glad we got our own holiday. When I was a kid, I was tired of people asking me, what did Santa bring you? What did Santa bring you?
- 00:51
Queen Shenequa
Santa comes down a chimney. I grew up in the projects. Where was he gonna come from? Out the incinerator? Oh, you know what I mean, Kevin?
- 01:00
Weekend Update Anchor
Uh, a burgundy? Burgundy.
- 01:02
Queen Shenequa
Not quite. Kwanzaa is a seven-day holiday, and you pray a lot. On the first day, we pray for our lost brothers and sisters. On the first day, I'ma pray for Michael Jackson.
- 01:14
Queen Shenequa
I'ma pray he get his mind back. What's wrong with that child? Has anyone seen his mind? Because he clearly lost it sometime after Thriller, singing about, it doesn't matter if you black or white. If it doesn't matter, then why are you so white? And Of course it matters, it's because if it didn't matter, you just leave it the way it is.
- 01:40
Queen Shenequa
Why bother to change it, right? If you change something, then it matters. If it doesn't matter, then you just leave it alone, right? Right, Kevin?
- 01:47
Weekend Update Anchor
A baragani.
- 01:48
Queen Shenequa
Yes! And then, I'ma pray for Milly and Vanilly. Another Swahili name, Milly Vanilly translation. I'm not singing, you? Uh-uh, me neither.
- 02:04
Queen Shenequa
Milly tried to commit suicide by jumping out the window. Well, he didn't really jump. He got somebody else to jump for him. Serious note, I'ma pray for Nelson Mandela, who was in town this week addressing the United Nations. His first visit with Harold did with ticker tape parade and no parade this time. That's all right, cuz some of my sisters and brothers didn't get it.
- 02:26
Queen Shenequa
You know, when he came before, cuz I was hanging out with my stupid girlfriend, Christine, you know Christine. She said, well, why they giving him a ticker tape parade? I said, cuz he was in prison for 27 years. She said, so? My father was in prison for 27 years, dang it, ain't no ticker tape parade. I said, see, it's different.
- 02:43
Queen Shenequa
See, Nelson Mandela was in prison for liberating his people, and And your father was in prison for liberating them TVs from that department store.
- 02:51
Queen Shenequa
She's stupid. I'm praying for her too. Her mind is out there frolicking in the madness with Michael. So much to pray for, Kevin. I better get me some knee pads. What you think?
- 03:03
Weekend Update Anchor
A Baraghani, Queen Shaniqua.
- 03:04
Queen Shenequa
Oh, a Baraghani to you too, Kevin, and good night.
- 03:13
Weekend Update Anchor
Farah got it, Farah got it, Farah Baraghani.
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