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Mrs. Claus and the Christmas Feast
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Back at the North Pole, Mrs. Claus is racing to finish a surprise feast before Santa returns, but the three elves she relies on have left the quiche raw. Rather than apologise, they beg for a punishment, and each time she gives them another simple task they bungle it on purpose and dress up their pleas in increasingly suggestive language that sails straight past her. A burnt quiche, a salad and a misplaced chocolate kiss later, a flustered Mrs. Claus hands the problem to Santa, whose arrival only excites the elves further - until he turns his attention to his wife and leaves the elves pleading to watch.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
You gave us one job, and we biffed it.
Good gouda! This quiche is burnt to Krampus!
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The third and final Naughty Elves installment, following The Shoemaker and the Elves (May 2015) and Santa and his Magical Elves (December 2015).
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
As Santa traveled the world, delivering toys to good children everywhere, Mrs. Claus was back at the North Pole preparing a surprise feast for his return.
- 00:12
Mrs. Claus
Oh, my goodness. It's almost daybreak. Where are those elves? They promised to put the Christmas quiche in the oven, and here it sits completely raw.
- 00:27
Elf
When you whistle, we appear. Your three most loyal elves are here.
- 00:33
Elf
What's up, Mrs. C?
- 00:35
Mrs. Claus
What's up? I'll tell you what's up. Santa is going to return any moment hungry as a polar bear. Why is this quiche uncooked?
- 00:44
Elf
Oh, no, we've really let you down.
- 00:47
Elf
Yeah, you gave us one job, and we biffed it. We biffed it big time. You must be in a white-hot rage right now. Yeah, I guess the only thing left to do now is punish us.
- 01:01
Mrs. Claus
Punish you? Don't be silly. What do you mean?
- 01:03
Elf
How will we ever learn unless you punish us? And our little bodies. Yeah, punish our smooth little bodies. Yeah, we need to be taught a lesson.
- 01:20
Mrs. Claus
Stop acting so silly. Now, when you hear this little oven timer go dingle, dingle, dingle, then turn the oven off. Now, please stay alert.
- 01:30
Elf
You got it, Mrs. C.
- 01:40
Mrs. Claus
Good gouda! This Keisha's burnt to crumb when you hear the timer go off.
- 01:47
Elf
Uh-oh, now Santa's meal is garbage all because of us. You must be really angry. Time for our punishment.
- 01:56
Mrs. Claus
Honestly, I am a bit angry.
- 01:59
Elf
Oh, why don't you funnel that anger right into our butts?
- 02:04
Mrs. Claus
What? Yeah.
- 02:06
Elf
Yeah, grab us by our little elf angles and just go nuts on our tender little booty butts.
- 02:13
Elf
Don't worry. He won't make any noise. Aww.
- 02:19
Mrs. Claus
Get serious. I can't take much more of this.
- 02:22
Elf
I know. You're miffed. That's why you've got to teach us a good lesson. Yeah. Send us to bed without any dinner. Or pants. Then our tiny privates will be out for all to see. Oh, and not our stinky little privates.
- 02:40
Mrs. Claus
Oh, boy. Boy, I guess I'll have to make a brunch salad.
- 02:44
Elf
I'll toss your salad for you.
- 02:49
Elf
Uh-oh, Miss Claus, what's this?
- 02:53
Mrs. Claus
Oh, it's a little Hershey's kiss. If you put this in the wrong way, it might never come out.
- 02:59
Elf
But it sure would teach us a lesson. Either way, I guess we should just try it.
- 03:08
Mrs. Claus
Heavens, I don't understand a word you silly elves are saying.
- 03:11
Elf
Oh, don't get so P.O.'d. Try getting pee on us.
- 03:17
Elf
I'll start putting towels down.
- 03:20
Mrs. Claus
All right, you're in trouble now. Santa's here, and I'm gonna let him deal with you.
- 03:26
Elf
Oh, yay! Finally. Big bossy daddy with snow on top coming to take care of business. Yeah. He's back to rule the North Hole. I mean, pole or hole.
- 03:38
Elf
Oh, I heard what you said. You said, whole. We're so bad puntershots.
- 03:45
Mrs. Claus
Good God.
- 03:47
Santa Claus
-"Ho, ho, ho! I've returned!"
- 03:50
Elf
-"Hi, Santa!" -"Hi, Santa!" We've been helping Mrs. Claus.
- 03:53
Mrs. Claus
Well, that's not true. They've been taunting me all morning.
- 03:57
Santa Claus
Well, how about I taunt you all afternoon?
- 03:59
Mrs. Claus
Oh, my. The salad can wait.
- 04:02
Santa Claus
Mm-hmm.
- 04:02
Elf
Wait, let us watch! Don't go! We want to see it! Wait, where'd the Hershey kiss go?
- 04:06
Elf
Oh, don't worry about it.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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