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Marcus Banks: Tree Pimp
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a mock documentary, Marcus Banks describes twelve years as a pimp, a prison term and his improbable second career selling Christmas trees. Between sales to a cowboy-minded customer and a man who wants a trimmed trunk, he insists that his old trade and the tree trade follow the same rules, offering his trees protection, nervously watching for police and bragging that the business is in his blood. A regular customer in a parked car adds to the oddness. A rival, Daddy Kidd, then talks to the camera about his own high-end clientele, calls Marcus ruthless, introduces his favorite tree and refuses to deal in saplings. Marcus returns to admit, with a wobble of regret, that he sometimes slips up.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Hose is a game. And trees is a game. And the game is the same.
It's like chlorophyll to me.
I don't get down with no saplings.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:06
Marcus Banks
12 years, I was a pimp. That's a long time in pimp years. I made a lot of paper. But then I got popped. Did my time, learned my lesson. Now I'm straight. If you would have told me back then that I'd be selling Christmas trees, I'd say you crazy.
- 00:23
Marcus Banks
But here I am. Hose is a game. And trees is a game. And the game is the same.
- 00:36
Marcus Banks
Hey, you like what you see?
- 00:38
Customer
Yeah, maybe.
- 00:39
Marcus Banks
Yeah, she's a nice one. She do it all, too.
- 00:42
Customer
Bull Service. Is this a duck's fur?
- 00:47
Marcus Banks
She'll be anything you want, cowboy. You know what I'm saying? Best prices in town. Fresh.
- 00:53
Marcus Banks
Yeah, you like that?
- 00:55
Customer
You got any big ones?
- 00:56
Marcus Banks
Oh, well, she big where it counts. She clean, too.
- 00:59
Marcus Banks
Hold up, Popo. Yeah, you know, this is a beautiful city, man. This is a real beautiful city. It's a hard game. Some mother want to strap my bitches to the top of the car. Hell no.
- 01:12
Customer
Can I get a fresh cut at the bottom?
- 01:13
Marcus Banks
Say what?
- 01:14
Customer
Can I get a fresh cut?
- 01:15
Marcus Banks
You want me to cut her?
- 01:17
Customer
Just at the bottom.
- 01:18
Marcus Banks
Get the hell out of here. No. Get the hell on out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't cut my bitches. See, what I offer these trees is protection. You gotta make sure they safe. That's pimping 101.
- 01:30
Marcus Banks
Y'all got 20 minutes now. That pimping's in my blood, you know? It's in my DNA. It's like chlorophyll to me. Or, uh, uh, uh, uh, photopimperfus.
- 01:41
Marcus Banks
Hey, Mr. Peterson.
- 01:43
Mr. Peterson
What's up?
- 01:43
Marcus Banks
Third time this week, huh? All right, Merry Christmas.
- 01:47
Marcus Banks
That is one weird dude right there. Well, he pays. He pays.
- 01:58
Daddy Kidd
I know y'all been talking to Marcus, man. I mean, yeah, he put a show on for you, you know, but Marcus, he cold, man.
- 02:07
Daddy Kidd
You know, got a dark side. I never put my hands on a tree. But Marcus, it's ungodly.
- 02:18
Daddy Kidd
Probably know some of my A-list clients. I'm not gonna mention no names, though, man, because, to me, that's, you know, that's sacred. Madeline.
- 02:26
Daddy Kidd
See, look here, dog. Marcus deals with a more volume business, whereas I deal in discerning clientele. I mean, I deal high end. That's my biggest earner right there. That's That's my bottom bitch.
- 02:43
Daddy Kidd
See, this game will break your heart if you let it. What's sad is when you see a young tree. I don't get down with no saplings.
- 02:50
Daddy Kidd
What you doing out here? Get out of here. Go home. Oh, you barely got any rings here.
- 02:56
Marcus Banks
Now, I try to do right by these trees. Sometimes I slip up, but I'm not a pro at math. But it is what it is.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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