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Epstein Brothers Christmas Tree Patch

Mad TV2002Season 8Episode 10
Mad TV
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Two bearded brothers in Santa hats pitch their bargain Christmas tree lot in a cheap local commercial that keeps slipping in Jewish in-jokes.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

In a low-budget local ad, Bernie and Ira Epstein introduce the Epstein Brothers Christmas Tree Patch, which doubles as an unstained furniture store, and promise a holy season of rock-bottom prices. They run through fir, pine and spruce, offer a case of Dr. Brown's soda with every two trees, and show off wreaths, garlands and a plastic nativity set, pausing to plug an accounting firm named Gold, Frankincense & Myrrh. A one-day sale prices every tree at $19.99, which the brothers rank as a miracle alongside their own birth, before they add free glow-in-the-dark keychains and a Christmas pickle. The spot closes with the lot's address between a hospital and a bagel shop and hours that shut it from sundown Friday through Saturday.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 2

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Joy to the world, the Lord has come and brought terrific savings.

That's a miracle! Just like us, coming out of the same womb.

Closes at sundown Fridays through all day Saturday.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Aired in MADtv’s December 21, 2002 Christmas episode, which also featured musical guest Bon Jovi performing “Bounce.”

ScriptEnglish · 37 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors.

  1. 00:00

    Hi, I'm Barney Epstein.

  2. 00:02

    And I'm either Epstein that we are.

  3. 00:04

    The Epstein Brothers of Epstein Brothers Christmas Tree Patch

  4. 00:08

    and Unstained Furniture and Food.

  5. 00:11

    Hallelujah!

  6. 00:13

    Why pay more this holy yuletide season?

  7. 00:15

    At Epstein Brothers, it's Christmas with all the trimmings.

  8. 00:18

    Only cheap, cheap, cheap.

  9. 00:20

    You want trees?

  10. 00:22

    We've got Douglas fir, scotch pine, and Colorado spruce.

  11. 00:27

    Buy two!

  12. 00:27

    And we'll throw in a case of Dr. Brown soda.

  13. 00:30

    I know, I love a diet cream with my Christmas ham.

  14. 00:33

    Delish!

  15. 00:35

    We've also got wreaths, garlands,

  16. 00:37

    and outdoor nativity scenes.

  17. 00:38

    Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

  18. 00:40

    And the three wise men, too,

  19. 00:42

    bringing gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

  20. 00:44

    Gold, frankincense, and myrrh also happens to be

  21. 00:45

    our constant accounting firm.

  22. 00:46

    Now, I gave you a free plug, Moe.

  23. 00:48

    And don't miss our one-day only sale.

  24. 00:50

    That's right, Bernie.

  25. 00:51

    Every three of the loopties, $19.99.

  26. 00:54

    $19.99?

  27. 00:55

    That's a miracle!

  28. 00:56

    Just like us, coming out of the same womb.

  29. 00:59

    I'll say our mother was a real saint, God rest her soul.

  30. 01:05

    Spend Christmas with us.

  31. 01:06

    You won't spend a lot of money.

  32. 01:08

    Joy to the world, the Lord has come and brought terrific savings.

  33. 01:13

    Flush free glow in the dark keychains and a Christmas pickle.

  34. 01:17

    Delish!

  35. 01:18

    Epstein Brothers Christmas Tree Patch, located between Beth Israel Hospital and Noah's Bagels.

  36. 01:22

    Closes at sundown Fridays through all day Saturday.

  37. 01:25

    Hey!

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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