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Bidet
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Do you offer a roll-away bidet?
I doubt the ambulances have bidets.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A hotel employee shows a couple around a suite bathroom, and the guests fixate on the bidet. Their questions grow stranger, covering repairs, a portable version, hidden cameras and even whether ambulances and hospitals have one. The employee answers with weary professionalism until he decides to leave them alone, after which the guests offer him a tip with an unpleasant surprise.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
SNL Archives records that this sketch originally appeared at the dress rehearsal of the May 16, 2009 episode; it is listed in the March 6, 2010 broadcast.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Herlin
And the bathrooms in each of our executive suites come with a whirlpool tub, radiant heating, and a rainfall showerhead.
- 00:10
Hotel Guest
Hmm. I see.
- 00:11
Herlin
Mm-hmm.
- 00:12
Herlin
And if you'll follow me, I can show you the master bedroom.
- 00:15
Hotel Guest
And the bidet comes standard?
- 00:19
Herlin
Uh, yes, you'll find a bidet in all our executive suites. Uh-huh.
- 00:25
Hotel Guest
And, uh, there's no additional charge for using the, uh, bidet? No, no per-use fee or debit system?
- 00:33
Herlin
No ma'am, use of the bidet is complimentary
- 00:35
Hotel Guest
Very nice, very nice, good to know
- 00:37
Herlin
Would you like to see the master bedroom?
- 00:39
Hotel Guest
And the bidet, is it in good working order?
- 00:43
Herlin
The bidet?
- 00:45
Herlin
I believe so, yes And there's a sturdiness to it The bidet It can accommodate a fairly heavy carriage I think it's a very standard bidet I see, I see I see, I see.
- 01:03
Hotel Guest
And the water pressure?
- 01:05
Herlin
Ah, yes.
- 01:06
Hotel Guest
And the water pressure in the bidet?
- 01:11
Hotel Guest
Should it prove insufficient? Is there an adjustment that could be made to possibly increase the pressure substantially?
- 01:26
Herlin
I don't think so, no.
- 01:28
Herlin
I see.
- 01:29
Herlin
Our sheets in the bedroom boast a 600 thread count.
- 01:32
Hotel Guest
And the bidet, should it break, is there a bidet repairman on site?
- 01:42
Herlin
If there's any problem with the bathroom, we would just call a plumber.
- 01:48
Hotel Guest
And this plumber, he can handle even the most extreme bidet problems?
- 01:54
Herlin
He's a very competent plumber.
- 01:56
Hotel Guest
And should the bidet be damaged beyond repair, How soon would you be able to replace it with a new bidet?
- 02:09
Herlin
I really don't know the answer to that.
- 02:11
Hotel Guest
That's worrisome. I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like to hear that.
- 02:14
Hotel Guest
And should we have an unexpected overnight guest?
- 02:19
Hotel Guest
Do you offer a roll-away bidet?
- 02:26
Herlin
I don't believe that exists.
- 02:28
Hotel Guest
Huh, 2010, you would think... You draw some plans.
- 02:30
Hotel Guest
And are there any hidden cameras in the bathroom? bathroom that might record whatever's taking place in or around the bidet, perhaps a toilet cam.
- 02:44
Herlin
No, there are no cameras anywhere in the bathroom.
- 02:47
Hotel Guest
Oh, that's a shame. That's too bad.
- 02:51
Hotel Guest
And the nearest hospital.
- 02:54
Herlin
Hospital, that would be?
- 02:55
Herlin
St. George Medical Center, it's about three miles east of the hotel.
- 02:59
Hotel Guest
And there are ambulances, they have bidets, or would there be a gap between the hotel hotel, and the hospital, bidet-wise.
- 03:15
Herlin
I doubt the ambulances have bidets. I also doubt the hospital has a bidet.
- 03:20
Hotel Guest
And with the doctors at the hospital, there's an understood confidentiality, correct?
- 03:26
Herlin
They're seasoned professionals. They've seen it all, so to speak.
- 03:33
Hotel Guest
They've had their gag reflexes removed, haven't they?
- 03:37
Herlin
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna just leave you two alone.
- 03:40
Hotel Guest
Oh, wait, wait, wait, but before you go let us give you a little something for your trouble Uh,
- 03:48
Herlin
Why is this wet? I'm not gonna lie to you. It involves a bidet
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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