Black Bush

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01

   Speaker 1

   Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you now, Black Bush.

2. 00:07

   Speaker 2

   President Bush continues to make his case for an invasion of Iraq.

3. 00:11
   

   Black Bush

   After carefully examining the region, me and my cabinet agree that that area is definitely ripe for regime change.

4. 00:17
   

   Black Bush Cabinet Member

   All right.

5. 00:17
   

   Black Bush

   But if I can be real about it...

6. 00:19
   

   Black Bush Cabinet Member

   Be real, son.

7. 00:19
   

   Black Bush

   Real?

8. 00:20
   

   Black Bush Cabinet Member

   Be real, real, son.

9. 00:21
   

   Black Bush

   Tried to kill my father, man.

10. 00:23
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    What?

11. 00:23
    

    Black Bush

    And play that .

12. 00:25
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    Say a word. He tried to kill your father, son.

13. 00:27
    

    Black Bush

    That nigga tried to kill my father!

14. 00:29
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    Word to everything we love, we coming to see y'all, son.

15. 00:34

    Speaker 2

    Meanwhile, President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair offered a spirited explanation for a possible war with Iraq.

16. 00:40
    

    Black Bush

    This nigga very possibly has weapons of mass destruction. I can't sleep on that. Not on my watch. That's not how I roll. That is serious. Now, if you don't want to take my word for it, why don't you ask Tony Blair? He got a whole nother set of intelligence. What's up, Tony?

17. 00:55
    

    Black Tony Blair

    We don't know much about this stuff, but we can't trust random niggas with things like that, as George so eloquently put it. I'm with him 100% of the way. We don't know what he has.

18. 01:09

    Speaker 3

    If the United States goes to war with Iraq, will it first have to provide evidence that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction? So far, the U.N. has found nothing. But President Bush counters with this.

19. 01:23
    

    Black Bush

    The nigga bought aluminum tubes! Do I need to tell you what the f*** you can do with an aluminum tube?

20. 01:31
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    Aluminum!

21. 01:32
    

    Black Bush

    That don't scare you? Fine, I don't even want to say this.

22. 01:38
    

    Black Bush

    The mother bought some yellow cake, okay, in Africa. He went to Africa and he bought yellow cake.

23. 01:43

    Reporter

    Are you sure?

24. 01:44
    

    Black Bush

    Yes, I'm sure, bitch. I got the head of the CIA right here. He'll tell you.

25. 01:48
    

    Black Head of the CIA

    Are you sure? Are you sure? I can't believe you, mother . Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Me and Jeb just coming back from Africa. Cradle of .

26. 02:24

    Speaker 3

    A sensitive accusation for this administration is the theory held by many that the real reason the U.S. is so interested in toppling sodom is control of the oil that Iraq is sitting on.

27. 02:38

    Reporter

    What about people who say you're only interested in the Middle East for oil?

28. 02:41
    

    Black Bush

    What? Huh? Oil? Who said something about oil, bitch? Are you cooking?

29. 02:47

    Speaker 2

    President Bush met with UN Secretary General Kofi Annan and made it clear the U.S. will act even if the UN is reluctant.

30. 03:02
    

    Black Bush

    UN, you have a problem with that? You know You know what you should do? You should sanction me. Sanction me with your army. Oh, wait a minute. You don't have an army. I guess that means you need to shut the up. That's what I'd do if I don't have no army. I would shut the up. Shut the up.

31. 03:23
    

    Black Bush

    You might speak 16 languages, but you gonna need them when you in Times Square selling fake hats. I know Gucci when I see it, nigga. I'm rich. I got a coalition of the willing. I got 40 nations ready to roll, son.

32. 03:37

    Reporter

    Like who?

33. 03:37
    

    Black Bush

    Who the said that?

34. 03:39
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    Huh?

35. 03:40
    

    Black Bush

    Huh? Like, who? England. Japan's sending PlayStations. Spankonia said they're willing to drop bombs over Baghdad. Rigi Rao is coming. Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu Nation. That means I am not doing this by myself, and I'm not disrespecting the U.N., even though they don't got no armor.

36. 04:03
    

    Black Bush

    Go sell some medicine, bitches! I'm trying to get that all, uh, all.

37. 04:14

    Speaker 2

    The U.S. fired the opening salvo in the war on Iraq with at least 40 Tomahawk cruise missiles and precision-guided bombs centering on Baghdad.

38. 04:23

    Speaker 3

    Good evening. Tonight, President George Bush is on board the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln off the California coast. It will be the site of what is essentially his victory speech in the war against Iraq.

39. 04:38
    

    Black Bush

    What did I say? I'm not gloating. But what did I say? Did I not say that we would win it? We rocked them bamboos. We rocked them. Nick, you see me coming on that plane? Shh.

40. 04:52

    For the second straight day, these hard-line Iraqis protested the American presence here.

41. 04:58

    Reporter

    Mr. President, when do you think they'll hold general elections in Iraq?

42. 05:02
    

    Black Bush

    Damn, I knew I shouldn't have called on this, Nick. I shouldn't have called on you because you're always trying to distract mother with things like the war and skirt all the real issues. GAY PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.

43. 05:14
    

    Black Bush Cabinet Member

    YES.

44. 05:16
    

    Black Bush

    NASTY. IMAGINE THAT, TWO WOMEN TOUCHING ON EACH OTHER'S TITTY BALLS, DRESSING THEM, GENTLY STROKING THOSE NIPPLES UNTIL THEY GET JUST SO STIFF AND ERECT, BLOWING ON HER.

45. 05:33
    

    Black Bush

    BLUR. MEN, BARBECUE. I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG. LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN. IT'S CRAZY.

46. 05:43

    WHAT ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP? That is gross!

47. 05:49

    Reporter

    Mr. President, Mr. President, sir, how do you explain the continual upheaval in Iraq even after the capture of Saddam Hussein?

48. 05:57
    

    Black Bush

    Why are you doing this, man? I thought she's my black brother. Why are you asking me questions like that? Fine, I'll answer your stupid-ass question. Here's how I feel about Iraq. I feel like you guys keep trying to distract people with Iraq when I'm focusing on other things, namely the moon. Yes, I said it, the moon.

49. 06:15
    

    Black Bush

    can't be distracted what's going on with the war what's wrong with the economy stop worrying about that i got that under control let's focus on space the united states of space because i ain't stopping at the moon write this down m-a-r-s mars that's where we are going mars red rocks