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Spam
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Mr. and Mrs. Bun are lowered on wires into the Green Midget Cafe, where the waitress reels off a breakfast menu in which almost every item includes Spam. Mrs. Bun only wants something without it, her husband cheerfully offers to eat her share, and each round of the argument is drowned out by a roomful of Vikings chanting the meat's praises. A Hungarian customer reading from a faulty phrasebook is hauled off by a policeman, and a historian's account of the Vikings' great victory at the cafe dissolves into the same chant as the Buns float back up and the Spam-laced closing credits roll.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Have you got anything without spam in it?
I don't want ANY spam!
Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your spam. I love it.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Terry Jones
Writer
Michael Palin
Writer
Ian MacNaughton
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The Vikings' relentless chant later gave its name to spam, the unsolicited bulk email and other junk messages that drown out online conversation. The Hungarian customer continues a running joke from the episode's earlier Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook sketch, and the episode's closing credits extend the gag by inserting Spam and other menu items into the names of the cast and crew.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Mr. Bun
Morning!
- 00:07
Waitress
Morning.
- 00:08
Mr. Bun
Morning. What have you got then?
- 00:11
Waitress
Oh, there's egg and bacon. Egg, sausage and bacon. Egg and spam. Egg, bacon and spam. Egg, bacon, sausage and spam. Spam, bacon, sausage and spam. Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam. Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. Oh, lobster, thermidor, crevettes with a mornay sauce, garnish with truffle pate brandy and a pie-gag on top and spam.
- 00:43
Mrs. Bun
Have you got anything without spam in it?
- 00:45
Waitress
Well, spam, egg, sausage and spam. There's not got much spam in it.
- 00:49
Mrs. Bun
I don't want any spam.
- 00:51
Waitress
Why can't you have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
- 00:53
Mrs. Bun
That's got spam in it.
- 00:54
Waitress
Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.
- 00:57
Mrs. Bun
Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam?
- 01:02
Waitress
What do you mean
- 01:04
Mrs. Bun
I don't like spams!
- 01:05
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam!
- 01:09
It's Spamody Don't one of the spam
- 01:13
Waitress
Shut up,
- 01:14
spam, spam, spam
- 01:18
Waitress
I can't have egg bacon, spam and sausage without the spam
- 01:22
Mrs. Bun
Why not?
- 01:23
Waitress
It would be egg bacon, spam and sausage, wouldn't it?
- 01:26
Mrs. Bun
I don't like spam
- 01:28
Mr. Bun
Don't make a fuss dear, I love your spam, I love it.
- 01:31
Mr. Bun
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, baked beans, spam, spam and spam.
- 01:36
Waitress
Baked beans are off!
- 01:37
Mr. Bun
Well, can I have spam instead?
- 01:39
Waitress
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam.
- 01:43
Mr. Bun
Yes!
- 01:44
Wee! I'm a spy! Jack! Jack! I'm a spy!
- 01:49
Hungarian
Oh, great Rubyy's honey bun, my lower intestine is full of Spam,
- 01:54
egg, spam, bacon, spam, tomatoes, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam.
- 02:04
Historian
Another great Viking victory was at the Green Midget Cafe in Bromley. Once again, the Viking strategy was the same. They sailed from these fjords here, assembled at Trondheim, and waited for the strong northeast little winds to blow their oaken galleys to England, whence they sailed on May the 23rd. Once in Bromley, they assembled in the Green Midget Cafe, and spam, selecting a particular spam item from the spam menu, would SPAM, SPAM.
- 02:26
Historian
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM Viking hordes
- 02:56
By far, Meckledranger and his Viking hordes are currently appearing in Grimm and Priludit of the Jodhpur Theatre, Colwyn Bay. The dirty Hungarian phrasebook is available from Her Majesty's stationery office. Christ, a kiss on the bum.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
