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Founding Fathers Cold Open
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
As the Founding Fathers prepare to declare independence, Alexander Hamilton begins a rousing rap about the nation they hope to build. Donald Trump interrupts and takes control of the scene, leaving the historical figures frozen in place. He boasts about his return to the White House, mocks the inauguration guests and defends his first week’s executive orders.
Trump shifts between political promises and comments about the performers around him, speculating about future SNL casting and teasing Lin-Manuel Miranda for being unable to finish his rap. After conceding that egg prices remain a problem, he invents a campaign donation from Miranda, who finally breaks his silence to deny it before they open the show.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 9
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Never say never.
I didn’t say which 24 hours.
He’s in sniffing distance of an EGOT.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Miranda wore his original Hamilton costume for the appearance.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
Nearly 250 years ago, delegates from the 13 American colonies gathered in Philadelphia to sign a revolutionary document declaring that they were no longer subjects but free to choose their own destiny. That document would come to be known as the Declaration of Independence and those men the Founding Fathers.
- 00:28
John Hancock
Gentlemen, those of us who have put our names to this declaration are now enemies of the crown, especially me John Hancock cuz I wrote my name the biggest
- 00:42
Benjamin Franklin
yeah we saw that but what you say is true we must indeed all hang together almost assuredly we shall all hang separately what say you Alexander Hamilton
- 00:56
Alexander Hamilton
our lives matter matter not if we lose them in the cause of Liberty what What matters is the nation we build.
- 01:15
Yeah!
- 01:17
Alexander Hamilton
Because in America, all men are created equal. America, not England. We do win the sequel, and we will have leaders, but know one thing. In America, we will never have...
- 01:30
Donald Trump
Never say never. Kidding, of course, though in many ways I'm not. I'm in my King era. But just like the Founding Fathers, I am creating a new country as well. and just like them, we're doing it very whitely.
- 01:47
Donald Trump
DEI is over. It's dead. Workplaces must go back to looking like the TV show The Office. Mostly white people, but with one funny black guy who's having a really bad time. We need to bring back Stanley culture, right? In terms of crossword and with regard to pretzel day.
- 02:06
Donald Trump
Look at Lynn. He got tricked into coming here, and now he's frozen on stage. Oh, he's furious.
- 02:12
Donald Trump
uh but i'm back in the white house just in time everything is back to how it was except now my new favorite son is baron and he is smacking his head on every doorframe oh it's bad it's like when gandalf goes to bilbo's house and the inauguration was a tremendous success it was inside due to cold and fear but we had a lot of surprise guests like melania that was nice
- 02:41
Donald Trump
Melania showed up to my inauguration dressed like, frankly, Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat.
- 02:48
Donald Trump
And, you know, I had to put my nerd herd in the front row. Broligarcs before holigarcs. I've been saying it. We're saying it a lot. Zuck, Bezos, Tim Apple, and, of course, Elon.
- 03:00
Donald Trump
We love Elon, but to quote some of his own children, I do not want him in my life.
- 03:08
Donald Trump
They say he did the Nazi salute. Not true, okay? He simply was creating a new greeting, a cross between hi and hello. We're calling it a hile.
- 03:20
Donald Trump
Lin, what do you think? Did he do it? I think he did it a little bit.
- 03:25
Donald Trump
But it's been a great first week. I've done more in the past four years than Sleepy Joe and Kalala did in the past four years, all thanks to my beautiful executive orders. from now on there will be two genders one to work and one to cook and we're done with lgbt no more drag no more guys in wigs no more whatever these guys were wearing what a weird way to dress right
- 03:52
Donald Trump
a little zesty i'm off to start america hand me my wig and my tights and my big blousey shirts
- 04:01
Donald Trump
so we're going to go back to common sense in regards to gender and the women will wear the makeup no more makeup on men unless you need it to be president we are pulling out of paris climate agreement we're pulling out of world health organization using something i call the pullout method uh something frankly i wish i did a lot more in the 1980s
- 04:24
Donald Trump
but as much as i've already accomplished there's still so much to be done i know i said i would end the war in ukraine in 24 hours i didn't say which 24 hours
- 04:37
Donald Trump
also have to ensure that all of my cabinet positions are filled we're filling my cabinet with some of the best people they're all very good except for most of them
- 04:48
Donald Trump
oh man what is snl gonna do who's gonna play hegseth i mean look at these guys back here none of them got the build nobody has the jaw got plenty of zuckerberg options though that's gonna be a fight
- 05:00
Donald Trump
oh how great is pete hegseth he said he was gonna stop drinking if he got the job and that's all i needed to hear i'll never drink again the famous promise people make right into the toilet good luck with that
- 05:14
Donald Trump
oh look at lynn look how bad he wants to do a rap he wrote a whole rap and he doesn't get to do it oh the audience would have eaten that right up but we're not gonna to hear it.
- 05:27
Donald Trump
He's in sniffing distance of an EGOT and he's got to stand there till I'm done.
- 05:39
Donald Trump
Well, Miranda Cosgrove, there he is. He's such a Moran.
- 05:45
Donald Trump
Well, in conclusion, it's been a great week. I basically hit all my campaign promises except for the one people cared about, price of eggs.
- 05:54
Donald Trump
All time high. Who would have thought it'd be easier to get a ceasefire in Gaza than bring down the price of eggs. Might have to take the L on that one.
- 06:03
Donald Trump
You know, we're looking into some fabulous alternative egg options, such as seagull or perhaps catberry.
- 06:11
Donald Trump
Well, Lynn, you've been a great sport. Frankly, a really good friend. I want to thank him for his generous, anonymous $1 million donation to my campaign. I know that was you, Lynn.
- 06:23
Alexander Hamilton
No, it was not.
- 06:24
Donald Trump
Your word against mine. And live from New York, it's...
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