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A Funky Christmas Story
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Better take these toys and make them be on time, or I'll tell the cops you were driving and drinking wine.
We don't celebrate Christmas. We're Jewish.
Y'all gonna take these gifts and you're gonna like it.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A fake network promo for A Funky Christmas Story finds a snow-covered James Brown beside his van after running over Santa Claus. The injured Santa rhymes out an ultimatum: take over the sleigh deliveries or he will tell the police about the drunk driving. James swaps into a velvet Santa outfit, enters a family's home and finds two kids on the couch beside a menorah. When they explain that they celebrate Hanukkah, he refuses to take the gifts back and tells them to enjoy them anyway, and he finishes the promo flying his sleigh with a Santa-hatted companion while the announcer pitches it as the movie that will warm your heart.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:06
James Brown
Wow On the day of Christmas This is my true love, with the macaroni and cheese Son of a bitch What was that? This holiday Oh, I hit Santa, Kyle.
- 00:30
Speaker 1
This holiday season, BET is proud to present James Brown at his messed up best in A Funky Christmas Story
- 00:41
James Brown
I can't believe I hit Santa with my brand new pen I I guess I shouldn't have that last talking
- 00:55
Speaker 2
You're You're gonna have to do Santa's job this year Or all around the world, there will be no Christmas cheer
- 01:05
James Brown
You know that James loves the little girls and boys Deliver I can't deliver your sleigh full of toys
- 01:18
Speaker 2
You You better better take these toys and make them be on time Or I'll tell the cops you were driving and drinking wine
- 01:30
James Brown
Okay, I'm gonna do it
- 01:32
Speaker 1
B.E.T.'s A Funky Christmas Story will also warm your heart
- 01:37
James Brown
Oh, man, look at this lighter. I can light all the pipes with this.
- 01:40
Speaker 3
Who are you?
- 01:43
James Brown
I'm Santa Claus. I thought Santa was fat and white. Yeah, I thought little girls was cute and quiet. Now, look here, I know I ain't the real Santa Claus. He went down south to play some poker. But that's all right. I done came and brought y'all some gifts. Where your tree?
- 01:56
Speaker 3
We don't celebrate Christmas. We're Jewish.
- 01:58
James Brown
Hell, bless you. Damn! So you mean I done fessed up my head and scuffed down my boots coming down this chimney for nothing? Hell no, y'all gonna take these gifts and you're gonna like it. And another thing, next time I come through here, don't leave me no milk and cookies. I prefer zig-zags and a zip-o. Where your mama at?
- 02:16
Speaker 1
For If you're dreaming of a white Christmas, think again. Because James Brown is coming to your town.
- 02:25
James Brown
Hey! I'm flying! It's all about a white Christmas! Hey! I'm on a juvie machine! Mishon and Tiki, get them to the motel. I am.
- 02:40
James Brown
Ooh, Papa got a brand new bag now. I need a dime bag. Stop over in Detroit.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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