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I Saw Santa Claus
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On a snowy porch, a neighborhood mailman talks a skeptical boy into believing in Santa by whisking him off to the workshop, which turns out to be a guarded sweatshop in Honduras staffed by underpaid, miserable elves. Santa cheerfully explains how overseas labor keeps brand-name sneakers cheap, forces an unhappy elf to perform a dance, and sends the boy home having traded his conscience for the footwear. The sketch ends with a mock holiday-special sponsor tag.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Would you rather be a bleeding heart or have the fanciest sneakers in town?
Santa gets his labor overseas.
That's why I pay Tito 14 cents a week.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Hey, happy holidays, Evan.
- 00:02
Evan
Oh, hey, Mailman Pete.
- 00:04
Say, I haven't seen your letter to Santa Claus yet.
- 00:06
Evan
Aw, phooey.
- 00:08
Oh, don't tell me you don't believe in Santa.
- 00:10
Evan
Well, I'd like to, Mailman Pete. Honest engine. It's just, come on, there's four billion kids on the planet. How could one man possibly make all those toys?
- 00:20
Well, Santa's got a little secret. Come on, grab the magic mailbag.
- 00:25
Evan
How could he molest me, are you?
- 00:28
Come on.
- 00:30
Evan
Is Is this this the North Pole?
- 00:42
Not quite. It's Honduras. And behind these steel doors is where all the magic happens. Welcome to Santa's workshop.
- 00:57
Santa Claus
Good job! You're going to make some American children very happy. Why, hello, mailman Pete. Hello, Evan.
- 01:09
Evan
Wow, you know my name.
- 01:11
Santa Claus
Of course I do, Evan. I'm Santa Claus.
- 01:14
That's right. And Santa also knows how much you want those new Michael Jordan sneakers for Christmas.
- 01:19
Santa Claus
I sure do, Evan. As a matter of fact, I have one of my elves working on them right now. Evan, say hello to Crumpet.
- 01:27
Hello.
- 01:30
Evan
Gee, he doesn't look very happy.
- 01:33
Santa Claus
Well, of course he is, aren't you, Crumpet? There's a happy elf. Here, have some sugar.
- 01:45
How sweet
- 01:47
Evan
Geez, Santa, these elves aren't being mistreated, are they?
- 01:50
Santa Claus
heaven the elves are very happy here they tell you themselves if they weren't savages again if they weren't here they'd probably be chasing a rooster around a polluted swamp look at him now happiest clams a little grump it do the elf dance Do... DO IT!
- 02:18
Santa Claus
Ho ho ho ho ho ho...
- 02:21
Santa Claus
So, you see, Evan, would you rather be a bleeding heart or have the fanciest sneakers in town?
- 02:29
Prices
- 02:34
Evan
I want the sneakers at Christmas time prices shouldn't be so high.
- 02:49
Santa Claus
You're saving a bundle and here's the reason why. Santa gets his labor overseas. Fancy brand names, Christ's day would be so bleak. That's why I pay Tito 14 cents a week To fill a bit space beneath the Christmas tree.
- 03:09
Santa Claus
Santa gets to tip from Kathie Lee You get 10 pairs of jeans for the price of three Santa gets his labor all that see she's
- 03:23
Hungry
- 03:25
Santa Claus
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas
- 03:31
Nailed it
- 03:33
The preceding holiday special has been brought to you by Guess Who Guess Jeans, the jean maker.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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