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Stuart Gets Lost

Mad TV 1998 Season 4 Episode 3

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Mall security has found Stuart, and his mother Doreen is ready with her own rules about card games, shoplifters and Fudgsicles.

Watch on YouTube

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Doreen Larkin hurries into a mall security office after the guards find Stuart, who slipped away from her while shopping. She coaxes him out of the back room, where he has been playing cards with the officers, and makes him recite her rule about card games. The guards then explain that he set off the alarm leaving Marshalls in a bathing suit he had not paid for. While Stuart squirms and contorts on the floor, Doreen gushes about how hard it is to discipline him now that his father has left, quizzes him into repeating her verdict on shoplifters, and sends him to change. When he finally hands the bathing suit to a reluctant officer, the guards spot a Fudgsicle in his hand, prompting one more of Mama's sayings before she marches him out.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Highly quotable.

Only dirty people play cards.

Look what I can do!

Fudgsicles look like frozen poop.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Aired in MADtv's fourth season, the first for Mo Collins and Andrew Bowen as repertory players and for Michael McDonald as a featured player.

ScriptEnglish · 60 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:01
Doreen Larkin
Hello, I'm Mrs. Larkin. I ran over as soon as I heard you found my son. Is he all right?
00:08
Oh, yeah, right. The big handsome one. Yeah, he's fine, Mrs. Larkin.
00:11
Doreen Larkin
Oh, I had him with me the whole time. He was holding my hand in the chest, King, and somehow he slipped away from me. I've been worried sick. Oh, thank God you found him.
00:21
Well, I'll go get him for you.
00:23
Doreen Larkin
Oh, that's okay. I got... Stuart! Stuart, honey, it's Mama! Come on, let's go! Stuart, come here!
00:33
Stuart Larkin
I don't want to.
00:34
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, come here! Come here! Stuart, come here right now. Stuart, come here. Come here. where were you?
00:46
Stuart Larkin
I was in the back playing cards.
00:49
Doreen Larkin
You let my son play cards?
00:52
Yeah, we're real naughty here.
00:54
Doreen Larkin
Well, Stuart, you had me worried sick. Stuart, you... Now stop, Donnelly. Come on, let's go. Stop, Donnelly. Come on, we got to go.
01:03
Stuart Larkin
I want to stay and play cards.
01:04
Doreen Larkin
Absolutely not.
01:05
Stuart Larkin
I want to stay and play cards.
01:05
Doreen Larkin
Come on, let's go.
01:06
Stuart Larkin
I want to stay and play cards.
01:08
Doreen Larkin
What did a mommy tell you about playing cards?
01:10
Stuart Larkin
Only dirty people play cards.
01:15
Doreen Larkin
That's right. Now come on, let's go. Let's go. Oh, thank you, officers, for finding him. Come on, Stuart, let's go.
01:24
Before you go, Larkin, we've got a little outstanding matter here.
01:28
Doreen Larkin
Outstanding matter?
01:29
Yep. Seems like Stuart here acquired a little something on his travels at the mall. Stuart, why don't you show your mom what we found?
01:36
Stuart Larkin
look What
01:40
Doreen Larkin
what can I do? I I can't stay mad at him. Of course, he's all my responsibility now. His father left us Tuesday.
01:57
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm shocked.
01:59
Doreen Larkin
Oh, and I just... You can imagine how difficult it is to say no to him. I mean, he's such a cute boy.
02:06
Well, how...
02:07
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, Sarah, where did you get that bathing suit?
02:12
Stuart Larkin
I don't want to stay.
02:13
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, where did you get that suit?
02:15
Stuart Larkin
I don't want to stay.
02:16
Actually, he, uh, set the alarm off as he was leaving Marshall's. Yeah, they were gonna book him for shoplifting, but, you know, they felt, uh, sorry for him.
02:26
Doreen Larkin
Sorry? Well, why? I mean, why would they feel sorry for him?
02:32
help sir
02:33
Doreen Larkin
what did I tell you about shop with always laying on the floor isn't that cute and that cute
02:38
Doreen Larkin
what did I tell you about shoplifters what did I say about the shoplifters Stewart what did mama say about the shoplifters what did I say
02:54
Stuart Larkin
shoplifters are dirty people with dirty hands.
03:00
Doreen Larkin
That's right. Now you go take that off. We're marching right back to Marshall's to return it. Go on, let's go. Come on, Stuart, let's go. No, Stuart, no, come on. We're gonna, we gotta go.
03:12
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, that suit does not belong to you. Now you go take that off. Stuart, I want you to take that off before you get your go-go all over it.
03:19
Stuart Larkin
What Look I can do?
03:24
Doreen Larkin
I'm I'm sorry about all the trouble that Stuart has caused. I think the more I ride him, the more he resists. Vince, what are you gonna do
03:38
Doreen Larkin
well do you give that to the officers cuz you got your Google all over it
03:43
okay just why do you keep it
03:49
Doreen Larkin
why do you keep your
03:50
Stuart Larkin
mom I got my Google on your hand
03:56
Doreen Larkin
sir what do you have in your hand what mama say about
04:06
Stuart Larkin
I don't want to say.
04:07
Doreen Larkin
What does Mama say about fudzicles? What does Mama say about the fudzicles?
04:12
Stuart Larkin
Let me tell you.
04:16
Stuart Larkin
Fudzicles look like frozen poop.
04:19
Doreen Larkin
That's right. Doesn't that look like frozen poop?
04:23
Doreen Larkin
I always thought that.
04:24
Yeah.
04:25
Doreen Larkin
Now, come on, Stuart. We're going to go throw that away outside. Come on.
04:28
You listen to what Mama says now.
04:30
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, we're going to go throw that poop away. Come on.
04:33
Stuart Larkin
No, no, no. I'm staying. I'm fudzicles.
04:34
Doreen Larkin
Stuart, come with me. You do what I say.
04:35
Stuart Larkin
I'm fudzicles.
04:35
Doreen Larkin
We're gonna throw them away! on, Sean! Come on!