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Magic Johnson: Kwanzaa Hour

Mad TV 1998 Season 4 Episode 11

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A Kwanzaa special goes off script as Magic Johnson misreads his cue cards and his celebrity guests try to guide him through the celebration.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

From a deliberately artificial living-room set, Aries Spears’s version of Magic Johnson hosts a Kwanzaa special with musical director Sheila E. She corrects his explanation of the holiday before Tommy Davidson arrives in a red-and-green Santa outfit bearing corn. Vice President Al Gore joins them to light the ceremonial candles. Magic mangles the names and meanings of the principles on his cue cards, resisting the guests’ attempts to help. The final card brings news that his program has been canceled, but he is already hoping to land a sitcom.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Welcome to my fake house.

You're canceled.

ScriptEnglish · 43 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:02
Magic Johnson
Ha! I'm Magic Johnson, and welcome to my fake house. Now, I'm about to get celebrity-like with Kwanzaa. So, whoop! Come on!
00:15
It's the Magic Johnson musical director, Sheila E.
00:22
Sheila E.
Hey,
00:22
Magic Johnson
Are you ready for water?
00:25
Sheila E.
Yeah, yeah.
00:28
Whoo! Whoo! Right.
00:31
Magic Johnson
Hey, Sheila, this snow don't melt. It ain't even cold. And it tastes like plastic.
00:41
Sheila E.
That's because it's fake snow, Magic.
00:44
Magic Johnson
Oh, boy. You don't let magic get away with nothing.
00:48
No.
00:48
Magic Johnson
No, here at the fake house, we gonna have a ball. I'm gonna etch-a-ma-cate the people on what Kwanzaa is. You know, Kwanzaa was created so that us black people could finally have our own Hollies Day, not just Martin Luther King Day.
01:03
Sheila E.
No, Magic, that's not what Kwanzaa is. See, Kwanzaa is a Swahili word that means first fruits, And the holiday is a harvest celebration designed to help instill family and community values, not just among African Americans, but all over the world.
01:17
Magic Johnson
Well, all right. Well, all right. I wonder who that could be knocking on the door of Magic's pretend house. It's Tommy Davidson, y'all.
01:32
Tommy Davidson
Hey, hey, Magic.
01:33
What's up?
01:34
Tommy Davidson
Once a Claus is in the house. Hey, hey, Magic. Let me tell you something, man. I brought you a gift in celebration of Kwanzaa. I brought you some corn
01:45
Magic Johnson
man Tommy Thank you. Now. Do you know what corn means on the first day of Kwanzaa?
01:53
Tommy Davidson
Yeah, I mean it's time to eat
02:01
Magic Johnson
You know something Tommy Sheila we're gonna have a lot of people drop by the fake house today now we gonna have
02:09
Sheila E.
Oh, look, it's Vice President Al Gore.
02:13
Tommy Davidson
Hey, was somebody dreaming of a white Kwanzaa?
02:20
Magic Johnson
Tommy, you crazy. Everybody knows that Al Gore is the vice principal in the United States.
02:27
Al Gore
Thanks, Magic. As-salamu alaykum.
02:30
Alaykum salam.
02:31
Al Gore
You know, Pipper and I are friends of the black community. Something to think about when you finally come to vote in 2000. Anyway, why don't we light the ceremonial candles?
02:43
Magic Johnson
All right.
02:44
Al Gore
I light the candles, you read the card, just like in rehearsal.
02:48
Magic Johnson
Okay.
02:49
Al Gore
The first candle is Umoja.
02:52
Magic Johnson
No, man, Umoja. It means to drive for a maintenance of utility, that's light, and family commotion. Hadean and Rass.
03:10
Al Gore
Maybe I better read the next one, Magic.
03:12
Magic Johnson
No, man, I got it. You're starting to act more like the principal instead of the vice principal.
03:36
Dracula.
03:43
Magic Johnson
Safe saves Terminator.
03:48
Terminator Fuji
03:51
Al Gore
Fuji Chagulia. Self-determination.
03:55
Tommy Davidson
Yeah, not to be confused with Count Chocula, who's not terminated.
04:03
Sheila E.
Mr. Vice-President, why don't you read the next one?
04:07
Al Gore
Oh, I think this one's for you, Magic.
04:12
Magic Johnson
You're canceled. Well, all right. I did my very best, as always, when I fail. But, hey, I'm moving on to something new. I want to thank Vice-Principal Al Gore for having a very magic kawainzee with magic.
04:28
Al Gore
Thank you.
04:29
Magic Johnson
And I also am still thinking about that sitcom. Won't stop thinking about it till I get it. Whoo! Go on, Sheila. You know what to do.
04:37
Sheila E.
All right.