Kobe Beef Burgers

At a sunny backyard cookout, a guest in a fedora hands his host a tray of grass-fed Japanese Kobe beef he paid a premium for, then hovers over the grill as it is cooked. Each ordinary barbecue habit lands as an insult to the meat: the patties share the grate with frozen ground chuck, the host offers cheese, suggests doubling up and lets a guest squirt ketchup on one. The guest's lectures about the beef's pedigree grow more frantic until he decides the party is unworthy, snatches the burgers back off people's plates, scoops up the host's dog and climbs over the fence to enjoy the meat on the other side.