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Ugly Wanda Meets The Ugly Man
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Judy and Mike arrange a restaurant date for their friends Wanda and Luther. Wanda expects a glamorous actor, but recoils when she meets the man whose acting career is mostly heard rather than seen. Luther is immediately smitten and answers her insults with more affection. Their waiter’s alarm only adds to the commotion, and the friends who arranged the introduction eventually slip away. Left alone with her persistent admirer, Wanda briefly responds to his declaration of love before escaping and leaving a shoe behind.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I do a lot of radio acting.
Girl, don't you leave me here with Chewbacca!
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Waiter
Have we decided on anything?
- 00:02
Judy
Yes, I have a white wine.
- 00:04
Waiter
Okay. And for you, miss?
- 00:07
Wanda Wayne
Uh, guess what?
- 00:08
Waiter
Oh, my God!
- 00:11
Wanda Wayne
What's wrong with you? Can I get a beer? Can I have a beer?
- 00:16
Wanda Wayne
Dog, he act like he seen a baboon or something.
- 00:18
Judy
I think you're gonna like Mike's friend, Luther. He's an actor.
- 00:24
Wanda Wayne
Oh, girl, no, you didn't. You got Denzel Washington. Denzel! Den! Denzel! Where is he?
- 00:34
Mike
Oh, there they are. They're over here, Luther.
- 00:36
Luther the Ugly Man
Man, I hope she ain't up there. And But I can't stand me no ugly girl.
- 00:43
Mike
Yeah, don't worry, man. I think you two got a lot in common with each other, come on. Uh, Luther, I want you to meet Judy. Judy, this is Luther, and uh, this is Wanda.
- 00:54
Wanda Wayne
Damn, what the fuck!
- 00:57
Mike
It's Luther! It's Luther! This is Luther! This is Juan Luther, Luther!
- 01:02
Wanda Wayne
I'm busting your head.
- 01:04
Wanda Wayne
Girl, I got to go to work. I got to go. I have to go. Girl, I got a reputation. I have a reputation to uphold. Oh, now do I look like I'd be attracted to somebody like that?
- 01:17
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey, man, she is fine. That's a bad man, my dear woman.'am
- 01:24
Judy
So, uh, Luther, Mike tells me you're an actor. I can't seem to place your face.
- 01:29
Luther the Ugly Man
Oh, that's because I do a lot of radio acting, you know, that type of thing. You know, mostly commercials and voiceover work.
- 01:37
Wanda Wayne
Well, you need to move your voice over there and take your ugly face with you.
- 01:42
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey baby, I go anywhere you want, Wanda. My heart is pounding for you.
- 01:47
Wanda Wayne
Well, my ass is itching. You need to lose yourself.
- 01:53
Mike
Who's hanging there, Ray?
- 01:56
Wanda Wayne
Girl, no. Girl, he looks like an oestrogen crack, girl. He needs to put his head in the ground. I can't take this.
- 02:04
Judy
Would you just give him a chance, all right? You owe me. You set me up with your brother.
- 02:08
Wanda Wayne
Well, my brother's good looking, Hal. He looks just like me.
- 02:12
Judy
Oh, please, please, Wanda, please, please.
- 02:15
Wanda Wayne
Oh, you make me sick if you were my best friend.
- 02:19
Luther the Ugly Man
Baby, you smell good. What you wearing, speed stick? And your eyes are so beautiful.
- 02:27
Wanda Wayne
I know this. Why don't you go be a victim of a drive-by or something?
- 02:31
Mike
Hey, baby. Baby, I think I hear your lips calling me. Yes, they are. And, baby, I want to sex you up. I want to hose you down.
- 02:41
Wanda Wayne
the Ugly Man.
- 02:42
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey, Wanda, why don't you diss at me? You know, I can act real.
- 02:46
Wanda Wayne
I mean, real, real ugly. I know you can act real. You can probably get an Oscar for it. For best support in ugliness goes to Rallo Jackson.
- 02:54
Judy
You know, Wanda, looks aren't everything. I think he's actually quite smart.
- 02:58
Wanda Wayne
Well, if he's so smart, how come he can't cure ugliness?
- 03:01
Judy
You know, just, why don't you just chill out? You know, I really like this guy and you are blowing it for me. I'm your best friend. I even loaned you that dress.
- 03:08
Wanda Wayne
Girl, you can I've even had this little funky dress in these drawers, too, I don't even know
- 03:11
Judy
stop what's going on it, I'll take those.
- 03:18
Waiter
Here's your white wine And for you, sir
- 03:22
Waiter
How many? Oh my God, not again!
- 03:26
Luther the Ugly Man
You trying to go, you looking at my lady? That's my lady, man That's my lady I don't want nobody getting my stuff
- 03:34
Mike
Luther, Luther, come on, man
- 03:35
Wanda Wayne
You gotta get used to people staring at us People stare at me all the time, they give me Mr. Weemond and Vanessa Williams and all that
- 03:41
Mike
Come on, guys, don't just get along.
- 03:48
Wanda Wayne
No, Rodney, we can't, and I'm ready to go.
- 03:50
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey, no, no, no, no, no, dude, you ain't going nowhere.
- 03:53
Wanda Wayne
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?
- 03:55
Luther the Ugly Man
What is wrong with you?
- 03:56
Wanda Wayne
No, you didn't. You ain't got nobody. I'll snap your neck smooth in two.
- 04:01
Luther the Ugly Man
I've got you, baby.
- 04:03
Wanda Wayne
You gotta understand this, girl, I...
- 04:07
Mike
It looks like you guys are having such fun, we're just gonna go and take off. Good luck, Luther.
- 04:11
Wanda Wayne
Don't you leave me here with Chewbacca?
- 04:15
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey, baby, look here, look here. Hey, sweetheart, look here. We don't need them.
- 04:19
Wanda Wayne
You're bruising me.
- 04:20
Luther the Ugly Man
Hey, hey, hey.
- 04:21
Wanda Wayne
You're bruising me.
- 04:21
Luther the Ugly Man
Look here, look here.
- 04:22
Wanda Wayne
I'm bruised.
- 04:22
Luther the Ugly Man
I'll be gentle. I'll be gentle. Check it out. I know I ain't no Billy Dee Williams or no Jerry Walker or Shabba Rack, but I understand the finer things in life. Right now, you're about the finest, baby. You know?
- 04:40
Wanda Wayne
Yeah. I don't know why you're trying to compare yourself to Shabba Ranks because you don't compare. Oh, why are you kissing me, bitch? I gotta go.
- 04:47
Luther the Ugly Man
Wanda, Wanda, look. Look, girl. Look, Wanda, Wanda. I only got three words for you, baby. I love you.
- 04:57
Wanda Wayne
Love me. Look me in my eye and say that. Look me in my eye. In this eye.
- 05:21
Luther the Ugly Man
Where?
- 05:21
Wanda Wayne
Right here.
- 05:24
Wanda Wayne
Come right here. Come right here.
- 05:25
Wanda Wayne
No, oh, this way.
- 05:25
Luther the Ugly Man
I see you now.
- 05:26
Wanda Wayne
This way more. Right here.
- 05:27
Luther the Ugly Man
All right. All right there. Okay, I see you. I see you. You're beautiful.
- 05:32
Wanda Wayne
You love me?
- 05:34
Luther the Ugly Man
I love you, Martha.
- 05:35
Wanda Wayne
Will you rock my world?
- 05:36
Luther the Ugly Man
I rock your world.
- 05:37
Wanda Wayne
You want to rock my world?
- 05:56
Luther the Ugly Man
Mike, Wanda, and I don't really want to rock my words. Mike, Wanda, and I don't really want to rock my words.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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