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Celebrity
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Surf Cops star Tony Baldwin introduces his screen persona, celebrates his career prospects and boasts about his appeal to women. After picking up a young man, he keeps explaining away their intimacy, even producing a carefully worded denial from bed. A final visit to his coffin exposes how thoroughly his public image has outlived the facts.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
The public loves me.
Like Batman and Robin.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Tony Baldwin / Danny
excuse me okay give her some air she'll be okay good work Gomez
- 00:16
Speaker 1 ?
Susan
- 00:18
Tony Baldwin / Danny ?
yeah what's your name yeah yeah Wow yeah yeah Wow
- 00:37
Tony Baldwin / Danny
yo my name is Tony Baldwin and I'm an actor this is my television show surf I play surf cops. I play Danny. You know, Hank Dan. You're booked!
- 00:55
Tony Baldwin / Danny
Surf cops is a good gig, don't get me wrong, but I want to be a movie star. That's why I'm really excited, because I just signed to do this really big picture. I sure hope it's a hit. It should be. The public loves me. Thank God I'm not a queer.
- 01:13
Tony Baldwin / Danny
I'm a sex symbol, which means that women want to go to bed with me. no woman wants to fantasize about a fag well unless she's married to me that reminds me i uh i just got engaged to julie chambers you know she plays laurie on country girls really gorgeous babe obviously no lesbian i think uh what i'm most proud of in my career you know besides my fragrance is when i host a saturday night live because you know i proved to hollywood that i could do comedy
- 01:49
Young man
hey you're that guy in surfcom
- 02:02
Tony Baldwin / Danny
no but i get that luck so where are you going
- 02:07
Young man
i don't know
- 02:08
Tony Baldwin / Danny
what pop in
- 02:10
Tony Baldwin / Danny ?
what this is me on the cover of us magazine the 10 sexiest men in america issue
- 02:29
Young man
looking good mr baldwin
- 02:33
Tony Baldwin / Danny
oh yeah that rumor about me and him it ain't true oh i know you didn't read my press release did you just a sec yeah it's here somewhere hold on there just a minute i'm coming i'm coming okay here we go here we go okay my client tony baldwin is not gay first off he has never been gay and he never will be gay even if he dies of AIDS
- 02:59
Tony Baldwin / Danny
see my nephew see his parents died in a combine accident so he's staying with me until he gets his act together
- 03:10
Young man
like Batman and Robin
- 03:14
Funeral mourner ?
I hear his wife is inconsolable
- 03:28
Speaker 2 ?
how did you die anyway
- 03:29
Funeral mourner ?
cancer
- 03:30
Funeral mourner ?
no there's cancer
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from The Kids in the Hall.
