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Mrs. Wiggins: Buzz Off

The Carol Burnett Show1976Season 10Episode 6
The Carol Burnett Show
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Mr. Tudball has a security buzzer put on his office door, then finds that Mrs. Wiggins will enforce his new no-badge rule to the letter, even against him.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

A handyman finishes wiring Mr. Tudball's office door so that it opens only when a button under Mrs. Wiggins' desk is pressed. Tudball explains that nobody gets in without one of the new security badges, but Wiggins promptly walks into the locked door, and when he plays a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman to test her, she buzzes the badge-less visitor straight through because she heard Mr. Tudball invite him in. Once he finally drills the rule into her, she refuses to let Tudball into his own office, since his badge is inside. He sends her out for coffee and climbs out onto the building's ledge to get his badge by way of the window; Wiggins returns to an empty office, writes him a note saying she has gone shopping and then to lunch, and leaves just as a windswept, battered Tudball reappears at the window.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Watch out for the sonic boom.

If I told you to jump out the window, would you do that?

This is like trying to teach the mermaid to do the splits.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

One of the Mr. Tudball and Mrs. Wiggins installments from the show's tenth season, first broadcast on CBS on October 30, 1976, in the episode with guest star Roddy McDowall. The handyman who installs the buzzer is played by dancer Randy Doney, who is uncredited.

ScriptEnglish · 74 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Handyman ?

    Mr. All right, Mr. Tugball, that's all finished now. All you have to do to get into your office is to press the little button underneath your secretary's desk.

  2. 00:13

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    All right, that's locked now, right? All right.

  3. 00:17

    Handyman ?

    That unlocks the door, see that?

  4. 00:18

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    All right, all right. Okay, that'll be all for now. Thank you very much.

  5. 00:23

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Boy, yeah, all right. Okay. Okay. yeah, Lift gate to security system.

  6. 00:46

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Mrs. Mr. Mrs. Huygens. Mrs. Higgins. Mrs. Huygens. Amen. Hey, Victor. This is your master's voice. Mrs. Huygens. Hello? And Mrs. Hello? Don't press that button. Hello? Mrs. Huygens, come in here right now, would you please?

  7. 01:36

    is them now that's right and now I know the W now it's

  8. 02:16

    you hear, you hear, you hear, you hear.

  9. 02:19

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    What's the matter, Mrs. Higgins?

  10. 02:21

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    The door is stuck.

  11. 02:24

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    It's not the stop it's a lock and it's a going to stay locked.

  12. 02:30

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Okay.

  13. 02:33

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Don't you want to know why it's locked up from this side like that?

  14. 02:37

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    No.

  15. 02:39

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    See, Mrs. Wiggins, it's part of a new security system that we got in here. Now, I want you to learn how this works.

  16. 02:47

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Okay.

  17. 02:47

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Now, you're just to pay attention.

  18. 02:49

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    I am.

  19. 02:53

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    To me and attitude those are cuticles now i get over here now and they're leaving those fingernails there you know what i mean now get over here right now with jeefy quick wow watch out before the sonic boom all right All now this This is how this is going to work here now this door is a lock and it's going to be locked all the time until you press that little buzzer there underneath your desk now Now, I don't want anybody coming in here unless they have one of these badges on. Then you open the door for them. So you just put that on when you have time. And you keep that on at all times.

  20. 03:44

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Okay.

  21. 03:46

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    If you get to a gas station, you ought to check that left rear. Now, you think you understand this, the way this works here?

  22. 04:03

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Sure.

  23. 04:04

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    You understand that perfectly?

  24. 04:05

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Yeah.

  25. 04:06

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    All right. All right. Say, would you go into my office for a minute? Why

  26. 04:15

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    it's stuck

  27. 04:17

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    why are you trying to go through and lock the door?

  28. 04:19

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    You told me to.

  29. 04:20

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    If I told you to jump out the window, would you do that?

  30. 04:23

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    No. No.

  31. 04:28

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    That's too bad. I had some hope for that one. I'm going to show you how this works. Now, you press this buzzer here. That would open the door, and then you could go in my office. Now, pay attention. The president and mother, the door opens, and then they can go into my office. Now that isn't too hard for you. I think that's a pretty simple thing for you to learn, so why not? I don't mean to go in there now, you dope, but I'm just there.

  32. 05:20

    This That's is the Higgins.

  33. 05:25

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Yeah.

  34. 05:27

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Come back in and see this officer now.

  35. 05:30

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Now?

  36. 05:31

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    That's right.

  37. 05:31

    Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

  38. 05:38

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Now, you think you understand how that works now?

  39. 05:41

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    I guess so.

  40. 05:42

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    All right. I think that Darwin fella had the right to Terry. I bet your folks had some banana bill. Now, look. Now, I don't want nobody going through that door unless they got one of those badges. If they don't have a badge, I don't want to see them. You got to that?

  41. 06:03

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Yeah.

  42. 06:03

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    All right, now I'm going to pretend that I'm a salesman coming in here without the badge, and you don't let me in there. Hi.

  43. 06:24

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Hi.

  44. 06:25

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    I'm a happy Sam's Encyclopedia Man. Can I go in to see Mr. Tudball?

  45. 06:30

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Mr. Mr. Tudball's not in his office.

  46. 06:41

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Well, I know that.

  47. 06:43

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Well, why do you want to see him if he's not in?

  48. 06:47

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Well, I don't want to see him. I just see

  49. 06:49

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    well, then what are you doing here?

  50. 06:50

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Oh I don't use how do Let me try this again. Now. Look don't let the man unless I got the badge. All right, here we go again Hi, I'm a happy Sam's encyclopedia man. I'm here to see you. Mr. Todd the ball. Hi, mr. Todd ball How are you, Uncle Sam? How are you doing? Real good. Can I come in and see you? Well, I have to take you into my secretary. All right, I'll try and get by her right now, even though I don't have a badge. Can I go in and see Mr. Tudball?

  51. 07:25

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Sure.

  52. 07:25

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Why Why do you press that buzzer like that?

  53. 07:33

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    So you could go in and see Mr. Tudball.

  54. 07:36

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    But I don't have a badge on.

  55. 07:38

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    But you said Mr. Tudball said for you to come in.

  56. 07:41

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    He didn't. That was me. You can't...

  57. 07:44

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    I heard him say for you to come in.

  58. 07:46

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    He's not even in there. That's my voice. This is like trying to teach the mermaid to do the splits. Oh, gosh. Now, look. I'm gonna tell you one more time. Watch. My lips are real good. Now, look. I don't want nobody... I mean the nobody going into that door unless they got the badge on. Now, that's so simple that the child can understand that. You got that?

  59. 08:13

    I got the headache. My head's going to dark, to dark, to dark.

  60. 08:18

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Yes, sir. Open that door. Oh, open the door!

  61. 08:26

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Where's your badge?

  62. 08:30

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    How am I? How My badge is in under my desk.

  63. 08:34

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    I can't let you in without a badge.

  64. 08:36

    that's

  65. 08:39

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    let me in this door then i can go get my badge and to show you to my badge

  66. 08:43

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    come here watch my lips i'm gonna say this to you so even a child will understand no badge and no office

  67. 08:57

    Toot toot, toot toot, toot toot.

  68. 09:04

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    Ah, but yeah. Hey, my nanny.

  69. 09:07

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    I'll tell you what. Why don't you go out to the coffee machine and get me a cup of coffee, then?

  70. 09:14

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    All right. Wait right here, don't you worry.

  71. 09:19

    That's really about it.

  72. 09:26

    Mr. Bernie Tudball ?

    I'm getting my bag.

  73. 09:40

    Mrs. Wanda Wiggins ?

    Here's your coffee, Mr. Tudball. Mr. Tudball? Dear Mr. Tudball, I'm going to do a little shopping. and then go to lunch

  74. 10:21

    thanks Thanks for watching if this made you smile tap that like button and subscribe and don't forget to share your favorite moment in the comments.

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