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Poirot (Evil Voice)

That Mitchell and Webb Look2009Season 3Episode 1
That Mitchell and Webb Look
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Hercule Poirot unmasks a country-house murderess on the strength of one damning clue: she has started talking in an evil voice.

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The premise

Here’s the bit.

As the assembled guests listen in a country-house library, Poirot finishes his case against Susan Brown, who confesses in a sudden sinister voice. Delighted, the detective admits to his sidekick that the evil voice is his whole method, since he rarely has any real evidence. Every time Susan tries to plead her innocence she slips back into villainy, and the transformation keeps escalating: a cigarette holder, darker lipstick, bigger teeth and wilder hair, just as Poirot calmly forecasts her final moves, from kissing Freddie to a melodramatic off-screen end. Poirot reflects that it is lucky things ended this way, because some courts do not accept the evil voice as evidence, and when he turns to Freddie with one last question, Freddie panics and confesses in the same voice to an unrelated household misdeed, when Poirot only wanted his hat.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Yes, once again, I had no evidence.

Too late, mademoiselle. The evil voice, it never lies.

Some courts, they do not accept the evil voice as evidence.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

ScriptEnglish · 38 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Poirot

    And the two shades of lipstick were identical, which means that only you, Mademoiselle Brown, could have placed the cigarette case underneath the body.

  2. 00:11

    Susan Brown

    Surely, Monsieur Voron, you're not accusing me of murder.

  3. 00:15

    Poirot

    Indeed I am, Mademoiselle, murder of the most treacherous and the most ingenious.

  4. 00:21

    Susan Brown ?

    Oh, heavens.

  5. 00:22

    Freddie ?

    Surely you can't mean that, Voron.

  6. 00:24

    Poirot

    It is of the most regrettable that I do.

  7. 00:27

    Freddie

    Is this true, Susan?

  8. 00:29

    Susan Brown

    Yes, Freddy, I'm very much afraid that it is. Yes, I did kill Lord Carnington.

  9. 00:35

    Poirot's Sidekick

    My God, Farron, she's doing the evil voice.

  10. 00:37

    Poirot

    Indeed, Lord, I always know I have got them when they start doing the evil voice.

  11. 00:43

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    What?

  12. 00:44

    Poirot

    Yes, once again, I had no evidence. It has been a hell of a week, to be honest with you. But once they have done the evil voice, you know it is the murderer.

  13. 00:56

    Susan Brown

    No! No! I really don't know how this could have happened, Monsieur Voiron.

  14. 01:03

    Poirot

    No, no, too late. We've all heard you do the evil voice. Only murderers do that.

  15. 01:07

    Susan Brown

    But, Monsieur Voiron, I implore you.

  16. 01:09

    Poirot

    Too late, mademoiselle. The evil voice, it never lies. And besides, now you are smoking a cigarette out of an evil cigarette holder.

  17. 01:21

    Susan Brown

    Damn you, Voiron.

  18. 01:22

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    She's doing it again.

  19. 01:24

    Poirot ?

    Yes, and she has become sexier. She has evil lipstick and her hair is going evil.

  20. 01:33

    Susan Brown

    I'm not sorry, damn you. I'd do it again.

  21. 01:36

    Poirot

    Attention, mon capitaine. In a moment, she will kiss that guy and then try to kill herself.

  22. 01:41

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    Right.

  23. 01:42

    Freddie

    Susan, I don't understand.

  24. 01:44

    Susan Brown

    Oh, Freddy. Could have been so perfect if you weren't such a fool.

  25. 01:48

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    Have her teeth just got bigger?

  26. 01:51

    Poirot ?

    This can happen.

  27. 01:53

    Susan Brown

    Goodbye, Freddy.

  28. 01:54

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    Oh, now then, is this a bit weird?

  29. 01:56

    Poirot ?

    Oui.

  30. 01:58

    Freddie ?

    Susan!

  31. 01:59

    Aw, Nuts!

  32. 02:02

    Poirot

    Ah, it is better this way. Some courts, they do not accept the evil voice as evidence.

  33. 02:08

    Poirot's Sidekick ?

    Oh, well, that's a bit of luck, then.

  34. 02:09

    Poirot

    And now, Monsieur Freddy, I wonder if I could trouble you.

  35. 02:12

    Freddie

    Yes, I did do that massive poo in your en-suite while you were out.

  36. 02:16

    Poirot

    What? No, Monsieur.

  37. 02:18

    Freddie

    And I'd do it again, damn you, whether or not it flushed.

  38. 02:24

    Poirot

    No, I was just going to ask you to pass me my hat.

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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