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Cheesoid

That Mitchell and Webb Look2008Season 2Episode 3
That Mitchell and Webb Look
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A soup chef who loses his sense of smell builds a robot to do his smelling for him, but it can only really recognise cheese.

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Community rating

7.0 / 10

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

That's right. Solid soup. Soup you can hold in your hand.

But petrol goes in car.

Why Cheesoid exist? Cheesoid so lonely.

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Chris, a former robotics engineer turned soup chef, is winning praise from his manager Alan for inventions such as solid soup when a hooded mugger punches him in the face in the park. Afterwards he can no longer smell, and his wildly over-spiced soups send customers running. Alan exposes him by inventing a bad smell from fellow chef Pete, which Chris eagerly agrees he can smell, and Chris leaves the kitchen in disgrace. Back in his workshop he builds Cheesoid, a robot meant to smell for him, but the machine names nearly everything cheese and keeps mixing up cheese and petrol, serving a burning plate, filling the car with brie and causing chaos overnight. Told once again that it has the two the wrong way round, the robot sinks into a despairing lament about its own lonely existence.

ScriptEnglish · 60 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:08

    Chris

    Maybe just a little bit more parsley. Perfect.

  2. 00:14

    Alan

    That smells amazing. You've really turned this place around over the last few months, Chris. You've suddenly got the magic touch when it comes to soup.

  3. 00:22

    Chris

    Well, Alan, what can I say? It just makes a lovely change from working in robotics.

  4. 00:26

    Alan

    Yeah, I bet.

  5. 00:27

    Chris

    Ooh, here, I want you to try something. Taste one.

  6. 00:34

    Alan

    Oh, my God. It's soup.

  7. 00:40

    Chris

    That's right. Solid soup.

  8. 00:42

    Alan

    Soup? Soup you can hold in your hand? Chris you're a genius!

  9. 00:47

    Chris

    Thanks.

  10. 00:48

    Alan

    Go on, take an hour off, get back for the lunchtime rush.

  11. 00:51

    Chris

    Thanks boss. Hey, that's my iPod and copy of Perfume by Patrick Suskind!

  12. 01:15

    Oh! Oh!

  13. 01:28

    Chris

    Needs a bit more zine.

  14. 01:30

    Alan

    Make sure you're OK to work, Chris.

  15. 01:35

    Alan

    Now, what happened, Chris?

  16. 02:02

    Chris

    I don't know. Bad day. I'll be fine tomorrow.

  17. 02:05

    Alan

    You can't smell any more, can you?

  18. 02:06

    Chris

    What?

  19. 02:07

    Alan

    Ever since that guy hit you, you can't smell your hand in front of your face.

  20. 02:10

    Chris

    Don't be ridiculous. I can smell perfectly. I can smell that clove of garlic down there.

  21. 02:17

    Alan

    Where?

  22. 02:18

    Chris

    Just down here.

  23. 02:20

    Chris

    Yeah, yes. I knew I could smell garlic.

  24. 02:23

    Alan

    I see. Oh, blimey, Pete, that's a bit of a fruity guff you just did.

  25. 02:28

    Pete

    Oh, yeah, sorry, boss.

  26. 02:30

    Chris

    Oh, bloody hell, Pete, it smells like something's crawled up your arse and died.

  27. 02:39

    Alan

    I'm sorry, Chris. Nobody farted.

  28. 02:45

    Speaker 1

    Look down, look down That lonesome road Before you travel on

  29. 02:57

    Chris

    Well, if I can't smell, you'll just have to smell for me.

  30. 03:02

    Cheesoid

    I smell.

  31. 03:10

    Chris

    OK, robot, smell and identify the objects.

  32. 03:14

    Cheesoid

    I obey. Last, last, cannot see, can only smell, cannot reach. Cheese.

  33. 03:29

    Chris

    Brilliant. It works.

  34. 03:33

    Cheesoid

    Cheese.

  35. 03:34

    Chris

    No, flowers. Never mind, let's keep trying.

  36. 03:40

    Cheesoid

    Cheese. Cheese.

  37. 03:50

    Chris

    It's actually petrol, but good.

  38. 03:54

    Cheesoid

    Petrol.

  39. 03:56

    Chris

    Oh, God.

  40. 03:59

    Cheesoid

    Cheese.

  41. 04:00

    Chris

    Good.

  42. 04:04

    Cheesoid

    Petrol.

  43. 04:05

    Chris

    Good. Well, I suppose that'll have to do.

  44. 04:27

    Cheesoid

    Time for Master's Cheese.

  45. 04:29

    Chris

    Oh, thanks. Oh, Cheezoid, that's not cheese, that's petrol.

  46. 04:35

    Cheesoid

    Petrol?

  47. 04:36

    Chris

    Yes.

  48. 04:37

    Cheesoid

    But petrol goes in car.

  49. 04:40

    Chris

    Oh, shit. Cheezoid, you filled the tank with brie.

  50. 04:49

    Cheesoid

    Petrol.

  51. 04:51

    Chris

    Shut up.

  52. 04:52

    Cheesoid

    Sorry, master. Cheezoid hates self. Cheddar status, ten days to use by date. Breeze status, 48 hours to use by date. Premier status into petrol status for petrol status for

  53. 05:22

    Chris

    Shut up Cheezoid!

  54. 05:25

    Cheesoid

    Ain't so, ain't so

  55. 05:29

    Chris

    Cheezoid? Cheezoid?

  56. 05:41

    Cheesoid

    Cheezoid killed self, Cheezoid killed self with petrol Why petrol not burn?

  57. 05:52

    Chris

    No Cheezoid, that's not petrol

  58. 05:55

    Cheesoid

    Petrol. Petrol. Petrol.

  59. 05:57

    Chris

    That's cheese. Not petrol.

  60. 05:59

    Cheesoid

    No. I hate self. My cheese-oid exists. Cheese-oid so lonely.

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