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Easter Candy

Saturday Night Live 2014 Season 40 Episode 17

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Michael Keaton empties an Easter basket of increasingly inappropriate treats, while his helpers make the celebration even stranger.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

A blond-wigged version of Michael Keaton offers a cheerful Easter greeting from his armchair and shows off the contents of his basket. Candy, a plush rabbit, a movie and other holiday objects prompt a string of inappropriate asides. His helper Portia smashes eggs against a wall and offers a chicken nugget to a live chick, while his friend Jordan drops in with unintelligible noises. Keaton keeps smiling through the chaos and ends the greeting with a strange cocktail.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

He found me. Online.

Something's wrong with me.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

The closing title card calls this an Easter message from Michael Keaton and Portia. It is part of the Holiday Items sketch series.

ScriptEnglish · 29 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:02
Michael Keaton
Oh
00:03
Michael Keaton
Oh, hi. Well, it's that time again, everybody. It's Easter. Let's see what's in our Easter basket. Hmm. This? This, this is an Easter egg I dyed. I think it's egg-zolent. This.
00:28
Michael Keaton
This, this is a plush bunny rabbit. I call him Glenny, after Glenn Close.
00:38
Michael Keaton
Yesterday was Good Friday. But this, this is the best Friday.
00:47
Michael Keaton
Hey, Portia, how's it going over there
00:49
Portia
God?
00:52
Michael Keaton
What what are you doing?
00:53
Portia
I'm hot legs
00:58
Michael Keaton
How cute. How cute is she The answer is kind of
01:07
Michael Keaton
And for our Jewish friends, this is unleavened bread Which means I'm like Jesus it doesn't rise Jesus. Jesus won Bread, nothing.
01:33
Michael Keaton
Oh, look here. This is a Cadbury egg. I gave these up for Lent last year. You know what I gave up this year? Cocaine. Almost. Almost.
01:55
Michael Keaton
Hey, Portia, what do you got over there?
01:57
Portia
A child chicken.
02:01
Michael Keaton
Where'd you find it?
02:02
Portia
He found me online.
02:07
Michael Keaton
Yikes. And here, oh, yeah. Yeah, look at this. Here's a marshmallow peep. I coughed this up whole this morning. something's Something's wrong with me.
02:29
Michael Keaton
And these, these are Jordan almonds. And this is my friend Jordan. He's not an almond, but he's a nut. Show him.
02:41
Jordan
Beep, beep, beep, boop.
02:46
Michael Keaton
Yeah. Told you. Hey, Portia, what's your chick doing?
02:54
Portia
I think he's hungry. Eat your McNuggets.
03:00
Michael Keaton
Wow. this kid has all the warning signs
03:05
Michael Keaton
oh look at this look at this santa what's this little turkey doing in here we got a word for you attention whore
03:21
Michael Keaton
this this is an eastern monkey they say we descended they say we descended from this yeah right
03:36
Michael Keaton
and this is a chocolate bunny it's actually hollow some people like the solid ones but then how'd you get your little wiener in there
03:46
Michael Keaton
egg salad Cosmo
03:57
Michael Keaton
yeah don't mind if you do happy Easter everybody happy Easter Portia
04:03
Portia
happy Easter Michael Keaton
04:05
this
04:09
Speaker 1
This has been an Easter message from Michael Keaton and Portia