Drake's Bar Mitzvah (Monologue)

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   Speaker 1

   Ladies and gentlemen, Ray.

2. 00:03
   

   Drake

   Thank

3. 00:26
   

   Drake

   Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you.

4. 00:34
   

   Drake

   I'm so excited to be here hosting Saturday Night Live in New York City.

5. 00:42
   

   Drake

   One thing you may not know about me is that I'm actually Canadian. I grew up and, there's a lot of Canadians here.

6. 00:51
   

   Drake

   I grew up and still live in Toronto, the city of Toronto where the rappers are polite and the mayor smokes crack. It was one time, we tried it one time.

7. 01:01
   

   Drake

   Here's some other things you may not know about me.

8. 01:03
   

   Drake

   once upon a time I went by my real name Aubrey Graham and I starred in the teen drama Degrassi High

9. 01:08
   

   Drake

   I'm

10. 01:16
    

    Drake

    I'm actually the person that coined the term YOLO I'd really like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize I did I did not realize your annoying friends and co-workers would use it so much my sincerest apologies

11. 01:28
    

    Drake

    here's another fun fact I am Jewish Jewish

12. 01:34
    

    Drake

    Jewish

13. 01:35
    

    Drake

    and Degrassi you never know it and needless to say having a Jewish mother and a black father made for a very interesting bar mitzvah experience i remember it like it was yesterday it was 1999 and both sides of my family were meeting for the very first time

14. 01:50
    

    Sandi Graham

    thank you all for coming to toronto for our little aubry's bar mitzvah he's been working so hard on his haftura and his aliyah

15. 02:01
    

    Dennis Graham

    torah aliyah man i know those girls i met them on the road

16. 02:07
    

    Sandi Graham

    oy vey that's what i get for marrying a black boy

17. 02:13
    

    Sandi Graham

    Okay, everybody, get off your tuchuses, and let's give a big mazel tov to our little Aubrey.

18. 02:19
    

    Dennis Graham

    He's becoming a man.

19. 02:25
    

    Young Drake

    Uh, thank you all for being here today.

20. 02:28
    

    Young Drake

    To my mom's side of the family, I say Shabbat shalom.

21. 02:31
    

    Young Drake

    And to my dad's side of the family, I say, what's up?

22. 02:37
    

    Young Drake

    Like the Budweiser commercial. It's 1999. I'm 13. That's hilarious.

23. 02:42
    

    Young Drake

    As a man, I'd like to announce that I will now be called Drake.

24. 02:46
    

    Sandi Graham

    Drake.

25. 02:50
    

    Young Drake

    I'm sorry, uh, Drake-up.

26. 02:53
    

    Young Drake

    I want to thank my family, including my grandmothers, Bubby and my dear, all 150 cousins, both real and play-play.

27. 03:02
    

    Young Drake

    What's up?

28. 03:03
    

    Young Drake

    And I'd like to especially thank my Uncle Larry and Auntie Kim, who came all the way from Memphis tonight.

29. 03:08

    Oh, hey.

30. 03:12
    

    Uncle Larry

    Oh, hey. Hey, you know, I wouldn't miss the chance to hear my favorite nephew say a bunch of weird words that I don't understand.

31. 03:19

    Mazel tov.

32. 03:20
    

    Uncle Larry

    Oh, oh, this is your Auntie Rhonda.

33. 03:23
    

    Young Drake

    Um, what happened to Auntie Kim?

34. 03:25
    

    Uncle Larry

    Oh, she's back at the house.

35. 03:28
    

    Young Drake

    Uncle Barry,

36. 03:29
    

    Uncle Barry

    I have a gift, you know. In the Jewish tradition, we always give money in multiples of 18, so, uh, here's your very own savings bond for $18.

37. 03:38
    

    Uncle Larry

    And, uh, for me, here's a check for $1,000.

38. 03:42
    

    Uncle Larry

    Don't cash it for 90 days.

39. 03:46
    

    Young Drake

    We clearly have our differences, but, um, I'm so proud of both sides of my culture.

40. 03:51
    

    Young Drake

    Uncle Barry, Uncle Larry.

41. 03:54
    

    Young Drake

    You're Jewish, you're black, I'm both. We're a family.

42. 03:57
    

    Young Drake

    You know what, let me tell you how it goes. DJ Morta High Jones, hit that beat.

43. 04:05
    

    Young Drake

    I'm black and Jewish, don't be so foolish. I'm black and Jewish, it's a mitzvah.

44. 04:12
    

    Young Drake

    Please don't forget I'm black. Please don't forget I'm Jewish. I play ball like LeBron and I know what a W-2 is.

45. 04:19
    

    Young Drake

    Chillin' in Boca Raton with my mensch Lenny Kravitz. The only purple drink we sip is purple Manischewitz.

46. 04:26
    

    Young Drake

    At my show, you won't simply put your hands in the air. We can also raise a chair or recite a Jewish prayer like...

47. 04:34
    

    Young Drake

    Baruch, Yitadel, Yisrael, Vita Kim Kardashian, Kanye West. Amen.

48. 04:42
    

    Young Drake

    I eat hova with Nova, McNish is with my bitches, a bagel and cream cheesy with my boy, his name is Wheezy.

49. 04:51
    

    Young Drake

    Do not go to Fine Golds, though. The pickles are rubber.

50. 04:56
    

    Young Drake

    Then I will not be harming ya. I read the Old Testament, okra and matzo ball, I'll eat the rest of it. I celebrate Hanukkah, day to Riyanaka, birthright in Israel, mama from Canada, daddy from Africa, both the best words when you're Jewish and black and ya call up.

51. 05:10

    Had

52. 05:13
    

    Drake

    We've got a great show for you tonight, I'm here, so stick around and we will be right back.