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Weekend Update: Drunk Uncle on the Holidays
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Asked how to handle the holidays, Drunk Uncle quickly wanders away from Seth Meyers’s questions. He longs for formal family gatherings, objects to his niece’s wedding and complains about texting and changing Christmas customs. His attention shifts to a candy mascot, then to increasingly incoherent grievances and regrets. Meyers tries to steer him back to useful advice, but the guest turns his farewell into another drunken accusation.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Could you email me dinner?
Put that in your iPad and smoke it.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This is Drunk Uncle’s debut. Moynihan has said he and Colin Jost wrote the initial piece together late at night after another sketch failed.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Weekend Update Anchor
Well, the holiday season is upon us once again, and that means spending time with family. Here with his advice on how to manage the holidays, please welcome Drunk Uncle.
- 00:12
Weekend Update Anchor
Hey
- 00:13
Drunk Uncle
Seth, it is great to be here hosting Saturday Night Fever.
- 00:17
Drunk Uncle
Okay.
- 00:19
Weekend Update Anchor
So, Drunk Uncle, are you excited for the holidays?
- 00:21
Drunk Uncle
The holidays are not what they used to be, Seth. You know, when I was a kid, you know, Christmas meant something. You know, people got dressed up. you know they would travel six hours in a car
- 00:36
Drunk Uncle
nowadays it's just hey could you email me dinner hey hey could you fax me a hug okay
- 00:49
Weekend Update Anchor
well do you have any advice on how to deal with family
- 00:52
Drunk Uncle
I found out that my nieces getting gay married you know you know what I'm gonna get her for a wedding present the boyfriend
- 01:00
Weekend Update Anchor
drunk
- 01:03
Weekend Update Anchor
Strong Uncle, can we please just talk about the holidays?
- 01:05
Drunk Uncle
Occupy Lame Street? I mean, you know kids, they need to pull up their pants, Seth.
- 01:14
Drunk Uncle
Kids today, kids today, they're always saying, text me, text me, text me. Why don't you write a letter, you dummy?
- 01:24
Weekend Update Anchor
A letter to who?
- 01:25
Drunk Uncle
You can't even say Merry Christmas anymore. You got to say, hey, baby Jesus, you want to do Pilates? Or are you on a cleanse?
- 01:41
Drunk Uncle
You know what I like about Christmas, though? That sexy green M&M lady. I would hit that.
- 01:50
Drunk Uncle
Come on. You've thought about it.
- 01:52
Weekend Update Anchor
No, I really haven't.
- 01:53
Drunk Uncle
You've thought about it.
- 01:54
Weekend Update Anchor
No, I haven't.
- 01:56
Drunk Uncle
Every kiss begins with K.
- 02:00
Drunk Uncle
Put that in your iPad and smoke it.
- 02:04
Weekend Update Anchor
Can't believe I'm saying this, drunk uncle. I think you might be too drunk.
- 02:07
Drunk Uncle
So I didn't make the big catch, okay? So I wasn't prom queen, okay? So I wasn't sports king, okay? So I'm not muscle man, okay?
- 02:24
Drunk Uncle
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 02:28
Drunk Uncle
That's not me. Mayor,
- 02:29
Weekend Update Anchor
I'm sorry. I... What's your point?
- 02:32
Drunk Uncle
How high do you think I could jump, Seth?
- 02:36
Drunk Uncle
Immigrants? And, Beth, Beth, Beth
- 02:42
Drunk Uncle
if I was Dr. Conrad Murray, I would rent a boat.
- 02:49
Drunk Uncle
You know what I'm gonna say.
- 02:51
Weekend Update Anchor
I don't.
- 02:52
Drunk Uncle
Hey. Hey. Hey. Guess who's back. Guess who's back.
- 03:01
Weekend Update Anchor
Who's back?
- 03:02
Drunk Uncle
It's your back.
- 03:03
That stinks.
- 03:06
Drunk Uncle
Your back.
- 03:07
That stinks.
- 03:09
Drunk Uncle
So in conclusion, you're all robots.
- 03:18
Drunk Uncle
But, it's York, I know it.
- 03:21
bad. Let's get it.
- 03:23
Weekend Update Anchor
Jay Barrow, ladies and gentlemen.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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